This is a long story but I'll make it as quick as possible. I am a foster
parent for two kids, one around 4 years old, the other 13. My husband has a
full-time job but also helps out at times. Both of these kids are disabled and
unable to eat well at all. The agency we work through has suggested that we go
to this feeding clinic that teaches them about eating food, how to swallow,
etc. I didn't see a problem with this and we just went with the 4 year old a
couple weeks ago. Both kids do eat some but not that well but we do feed them
meat as well as other foods and have never pushed being vegetarian on them.
When we signed up to do this work we did tell the agency that we're both vegan
(and explained what it was) but that we would make meat for the kids.
My husband actually cooks more than I do. He is vegan for religious reasons as
well as health reasons. I was actually vegetarian when I met him but he helped
me transition to being vegan. The thing is when we got to the feeding clinic
we were told that one of us gets to watch the child while the other actually
sits with it as it eats. I had no idea what this woudl mean but then realize
how they work is basically they mock eating to the child and they prefer to
have the parents do it since the parents are around it. Basically they chose
different foods and you then take these foods in your mouth and eat them as
well as feeding them to the kid. You are supposed to be very graphic, what I
mean is you are supposed to chew exagerated and let the children smell the food
(by blowing out). I know it sounds funny but they say this teaches kids to
smell food and then want to eat more. The big part is chewing/breathing it
out, etc. but yet you do eat it as well. The thing is it was mostly veggies
like carrots, things like twizzlers, but then went onto things like beef jerky
and slim jims. I was wondering what he would say when the lady that runs it
took out a beef jerky for him to eat but he just took it and ate. The thing is
after I talke to him about it and said I am sure they woudn't mind if he
explained he doens't eat meat. Well his response was that he didn't even think
of it, he just took it and after realized what it was but then didnt' want to
say anything. I just explained how the next time we go the lady will do this
again not knowing and we go once a month. The thing is that evening he even
admitted he was sick in his stomach and felt so bad about what he did. It was
like he felt a lot of guilt and regretted what he did. He really tortured
himself in that way for the next couple days. We had already decided that the
next time I am going to do the feeding and we'll take turns.
The thing is I made it clear to my husband I will not eat meat if they offer
it. Part of it may be that I'm the type that very much stands up for my
beliefs and I'm outspoken. He's the type that will go along with people
easier. When I first met him like I said he was very strictly vegan but yet if
we went out to dinner with another couple and they ordered meat and would offer
a piece of steak to him he'd take it. After he woudl tell me how he didn't
want to upset them by telling them he doens't eat meat. In ways I always had
the idea he was ashamed of being vegan and would never talk about it to people.
He has changed though and now he's quick to tell people how he's vegan and he
may not tell someone that he's vegan if they offer meat but will say no thanks.
FOr awhile here I thought this was the case or he was scared our boss (who
goes to these clinics) woudl get upset. The thing is each of these visits is
$1000 or so that insurance covers. I do feel in general this lady is pushy. I
have seen the other kids she works with. The 4 year old has a throat condition
that makes it hard to swallow. She almost joked while eating and the lady's
response (when we were scared to continue) was "It's okay. we have doctors in
this building we can call if something happens." Then she told us how we aren't
aggressive enough and you have to push this. She has suggested this serious
surgery that would be costly and high risk that coudl increase the chance this
child can eat. To me it's too risky. I just don't like the aggressive nature
of this lady and feel she's just after business and money and not what is right
for people. She even told us this isn't really surgery but yet the pediatrician
said it is and high risk and never has been done here before and that the
chance of it even helping (assuming it's a success and the child is okay, is
under 10%). Of course those are some of the reasons I don't like going.
The thing is I don't want to cause problems with my husband by announcing to
her the next visit that we're vegan. I knew she had a email address so wrote
her hoping I coudl straigten it up. I didn't even think of putting my name at
the end so I know she didn't realize who I am. I know this 4 year old may not
be going back by chance but yet the 13 year old starts in a month or two. With
him being older he'll likely be eating things like steak, ice cream, etc. I
just don't want to have to deal with eating that. What upset me is the ladies
response which I will show below:

Please know that we try to accommodate all of our families' special needs as
best we can, and there is space on the paperwork for parents to express
concerns that they have regarding dietary issues. The family you are talking
about needs to speak directly to their therapist and express their concerns
about their role in the therapy program. We have a number of families where
the parents are vegetarian themselves, but are okay with their children eating
meat and letting that child make that decision for themselves when they get
older. We do ask these parents to attempt to be good role models for their
children around eating, and this does involve putting foods into their mouths
and possibly demonstrating chewing motions, and this includes meat. However,
the parent does not need to swallow this food if it is against their beliefs.
As such, they would not be actually eating the food. However, once a parent is
in the treatment room, there is an assumption by the therapist that the parent
will eat every food presented unless these issues are clarified before they
enter the room. A parent could always, though, remind the therapist that they
are vegetarian if somehow the therapist had forgotten. Typically we mark the
exterior of the chart as "special dietary needs" to prevent a therapist from
forgetting these types of issues. I am concerned that you do not feel like you
can speak to their therapist about this issue and 2) somehow missed where to
express these concerns on the paperwork or during the Intake process. Remember
communication is very important.
It is important for you to know that we do not and will not engage in a
philosophical process with patients or families regarding their overall diet
choices. Those choices are theirs to make, as long as there is no harm to the
child. Many food choices that adults make for philosophical beliefs can be
accommodated by appropriate diets for children. An adolescent's diet is even
easier to accommodate.

Okay, well I do agree with her communication is important. My husband did
shock me when he didn't say anything. Yet I guess what bothers me is her
attitude about how we should eat meat in front of the kids (I guess at home as
well as there). Well as she said just put it into your mouth and chew it if
you don't mind. I explained to her how important my beliefs are and how
vegetarians can even get sick if they eat meat. I don't think non vegetarians
understand this and her idea is just put the meat in and chew and I guess spit
it out after. I dont' know about all of you. I definitely can't chew meat but
I don't see even putting it into my mouth. The thing is ther are many choices
to offer a kid and I don't see why you can't try so many non meat choices as
long as you do offer meat at home. Any idea what I can do? I don't want this
to turn into a big fight at the next session.