"Ophelia" wrote

>> Something tells me there's a serious mismatch in social understanding
>> going on here. You do not 'buy the whole item' but add some
>> reasonable 'to you' amount towards the item.
>>
>> It is always acceptable to add a portion of the cost based on the
>> registry.
>
> In UK a couple getting married will have a listing at a local department
> store. We can pick up the list and mark what we wish to buy so they know
> it is covered. If there is nothing on the list we like/can afford, we buy
> whatever we like.
>
> This is the wedding present list, not a shower.

Agreed. I'd be happy with such an arrangement and assume if you mark off a
complete item, that they arent being crazy with the costs of the items (like
a new fridge etc!).

I have seen couples who were starting with *nothing* list like that: 'small
items or a gift card at (insert store)'. I do not expect such of those with
lots of money, but if 2 18year olds with a baby on the way get married, it's
common.

One of my troops got married in a similar case (having nothing). Her family
cut her off because he wasnt Japanese. The wedding was at the base chapel
and the reception downstairs of me in the family housing complex. We did it
potluck style, and added a fairly distinctive *military* version in that we
semi-clandestinely figured out just what they did have, then showed up with
trucks filled with everything and i mean just about everything, including
furniture. They'd just signed for an empty apartment and were set to spend
their wedding night on a futon.

Was this fancy stuff? Nope, in fact little of it was even new but it was
all clean and looked either new or very close to it. Also a gift
certificate for the commisary / exchange (about 400$).

The new stuff was wrapped up pretty at the reception/potluck and last to be
given was the keys by the manager who was all grins. Then we took'em over
to show them their place and filled it with all the stuff. They were as you
can guess, quite happy ;-)

Giving 'used stuff' at a wedding is normally not done, but military have a
way of making things work out to take care of our own.