On Sun, 22 Jun 2008 09:27:02 -0700, "Dimitri" >
wrote:

>
>"jmcquown" > wrote in message
...
>> Dimitri wrote:
>
><snip>
>
>(snip history which seems to have worked out for the best, bless you!)
>>
>> I'm dealing with this right now. Mom doesn't want to move but her house
>> is 700 miles away, so a quick trip to pick up this or that isn't feasible.
>> She wants me to move in with her and I wouldn't mind it, but doing so
>> creates a whole new set of issues. So things are up in the air at this
>> point but some decisions have to be made rather quickly.
>
>Have you checked out the social services in the area? Most assisted living
>places have specialists. Use then ever in placing mom in that situation is
>out of the question. These people can lead you to free resources that are
>very valuable. No need to carry the burden and figure it out for yourself.
>
>
>
>
>> It's a difficult situation to deal with. I do know she can't (won't) take
>> care of herself anymore. Even though I'd left a lot of quick-fix thaw &
>> heat meals in her freezer she didn't bother with them during the month I
>> was back home. She was apparently living on toast, cereal and eggs. I
>> know of one occasion when she ventured out to buy some fruit. Her
>> neighbor had offered to pick up things for her whenever she ran to the
>> store but Mom is the type, "Oh, I don't want to impose". It can be rather
>> frustrating.
>
>I don't want to impose is a generational attitude that you'll have to deal
>with for the rest of her life. is there a Meals on Wheels in your area? At
>least she'll get 1 square per day. Frustrating is a kind term. It will
>drive you INSANE. Our MOM will sit and het sick (nauseated) to the point
>of upchucking before telling us she's nauseated. If she tells us we can
>give her an anti-nauseante. So the net result is we habe to keep one eye on
>her behavior. She doesn't want to be a bother - BULL SHIT! its more of a
>bother to watch her up-chuck for 2 days. than to give her a pill.
>
>
>> I also think she's depressed but when I mention it she says she's not
>> going to take another pill. Which is another issue... even though I'm
>> here and I set them out every morning I have to constantly remind her to
>> take them. I don't want to feel like I'm nagging but that's exactly what
>> I'm doing.
>
>
>If you can don't tell her what all the pills are for - get some of the
>little plastic cups and tell her these are what the doctor ordered.
>Pre-distribute the pills into the proper frequency. Morning noon, night
>etc. You're not nagging -sit there, had her the cup and tell her to take the
>pills as you would a child. Jill, remember she's becmoming the child and
>you're becoming the adult. A difficult roll reversal.
>
>Let me know if you want to chat - if you do email me your Phone # & I'll
>call.
>
>Remember these are only my observations in my circumstance. I am not a
>trained professional.
>
>All the best.


I would say that you are correct Dimitri. Jill's mother sounds like
my MIL. There were meals in the freezer for her to put in the
microwave, but they were rarely used. I think she lived on chocolate
and beer.

As for taking her meds, who knows what or how many she took. My
husband went down (300 miles) about once a month to take her to any
appointments and get groceries. He tried to keep track of how many
pills were in the bottles.

Jill, you are going to have to make the decisions since she does not
seem to want to or to be able to. After my mother broke her hip, I
had to move her into a retirement home that was apartments with meals
provided and people who kept an eye on the residents. That worked
until she needed more care and the residence added assisted living.
They also had connections with the nursing home next door. We moved
her through the whole shebang.

When we drove from Chapel Hill, NC to Hampton, VA she cried the whole
way. She finally got to at least tolerated the place. It was about
10 minutes from my house.

There is no answer that will make both of you happy. You will just
have to figure out what each of you can tolerate and go with it. Maybe
make some changes as time passes.