Alright, how about this?



In order to pack the maximum number of people on a plane while still
insuring everyone gets a safe comfortable flight, the seats are taken
out. They're replaced with long thin palates arranged like bunks. At
security, as well as all carry-on luggage being inspected, all
passengers are frisked and shoes are removed. Then they're given an
injection which knocks them out. Airline personnel then wrap each
passenger in a sheet with a barcode on it, piles the now inert passenger
onto a luggage ramp, and loads the passengers into the plane, face up,
on the bunks. They all then snooze in a drugged suspended animation for
the duration of the trip.


At the other end, each cocoon is unloaded, unwrapped, and given a
reversal. Passengers come to, put on their shoes, and proceed to
baggage claim.


Instead of comparing meals, leg room, or service, passengers complain
about the effectiveness of the drugs, how dry their mouths are on
arrival, and their headaches. Instead of jetlag, people have to adjust
to the muzzy headed feeling the drugs give them. The drugs don't affect
everyone the same way. Some people get high. Drug addicts fly on
purpose for that reason. Getting high takes on a whole new meaning.


Jehovah Witnesses and other religious groups that don't drink object,
and the system is taken to the Supreme Court. Must one be given drugs
in order to fly? The immorality of unrelated male and female wrapped
passengers being lain side by side is also brought into question. In a
5-4 decision, it is decided that flying is a privilege, not a right, and
those who wish to fly the old fashioned way may pay a premium price, but
since fewer and fewer airlines allow conscious passengers, a policy put
into the place, by the way, for the safety of ALL passengers in these
times of increased terrorist risk, religious zealots are dubbed luddites
and told to stay home. Further, it is pointed out, if they're not
willing to support American values by taking injections and flying, why
should they be allowed to benefit from our flying culture by eating
imported foods and living in houses made from flying technology ...


--Lia