"Chris Marksberry" > wrote in message
. ..
> How Grits are Formed.
>
> Grits are formed deep underground under intense heat and pressure.
>
> It takes over 1,000 years to form a single Grit. Most of the world's grit
> mines are in Southern Georgia, and are guarded day and night by armed
> guards and fierce attack dogs. Harvesting the Grit is a dangerous
> occupation, and many Grit miners lose their lives each year so that Grits
> can continue to be served morning after morning for breakfast (not that
> having Grits for lunch and dinner is out of the question). Yankees have
> attempted to create a synthetic Grits. They call them Cream of Wheat. As
> far as we can tell the key ingredients of Cream of Wheat are Elmer's Glue
> and shredded styrofoam. These synthetic grits have also been shown to
> cause nausea, and may leave you unable to have children.
>
> Historical Grits
>
> As we mentioned earlier, the first known mention of the Grits was by the
> Ancient Israelites in the Sinai Desert. After that, the Grits was not
> heard from for another 1,000 years. Experts feel that the Grits was used
> during this time only during secret religious ceremonies, and was kept
> from the public due to its rarity. The next mention of the Grits was found
> amidst the ruins of the ancient city of Pompeii in a woman's personal
> diary. The woman's name was Herculaneum Jemimaneus
>
> (Aunt Jemima to her friends.)
>
> The 10 Commandments of Grits
>
> I. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits
>
> II. Thou shalt not eat thy Grits with a spoon or knife
>
> III. Thou shalt not eat Cream of Wheat and call it Grits, for this is
> blasphemy
>
> IV. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's Grits
>
> V.Thou shalt use only Salt, Butter, and Cheese as toppings for thy Grits
>
> VI. Thou shalt not eat Instant Grits
>
> VII. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits
>
> VIII. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits
>
> IX. Thou shalt not put syrup on thy Grits
>
> X. Thou shalt not put sugar on thy Grits either
>
> How to Cook Grits:
>
> For one serving of Grits, boil 1.5 cups of water with salt and a little
> butter. Add 5 TBsp of Grits. Reduce to a simmer and allow the
>
> Grits to soak up all the water. That's all there is to cooking grits.
>
> How to Eat Grits
>
> Immediately afte r removing your grits from the stove top, add a generous
> portion of butter. (WARNING: Do NOT use low-fat butter.) The butter should
> cause the Grits to turn a wondrous shade of yellow.
>
> (Hold a banana or a yellow rain slicker next to your Grits; if the colors
> match, you have the correct amount of butter.) Next, add salt.
>
> (NOTICE: The correct ration of Grit to Salt is 10:1 Therefore for every 10
> grits, you should have 1 grain of salt.) Cheese is optional.
>
> However if you wish to add cheese, cut it into 1/4' squares and add
> immediately before you eat your Grits. You do not want your cheese to melt
> completely.
>
> Now begin eating your grits.
>
> Always use a fork, never a spoon, to eat Grits. Your grits should be
>
> thick enough so they do not run through the tines of the fork.
>
> The correct beverage to serve with Grits is Milk or Chocolate Milk.
>
> (WARNING: Use whole milk only - DO NOT use 2% or, Heaven forbid, Skim
> Milk.) Coffee with Grits is acceptable, but is frowned upon by true
>
> Grits afficionados.
>
> Ways to Eat Leftover Grits:
>
> (Leftover grits are extremely rare) Spread them in the bottom of a
> casserole dish, cover and place them in the refrigerator overnight.
>
> The Grits will congeal into a gelatinous mass. Next morning, slice the
> Grits into squares and fry them in 1/2' of cooking oil and butter until
> they turn a golden brown. Many people are tempted to pour syrup onto Grits
> served this way. This is, of course, unacceptable.



And all God's people said "AMEN!"
:-)


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