> Try waterskiing on the Missouri river. The damned things will jump
> right out of the water to say hello. I honestly have no idea how fast
> you have to get going in order to get up on the skis but I can tell you
> from personal experience that it's plenty fast enough to make being
> slapped with an airborne carp quite memorable.

That's a major advantage to living in Hawaii - the dreaded flying carp
fish does not lurk our waters and there's no fear of getting carpfaced.
Not that there's any chance of that happening anyway since I don't
waterski but better safe than sorry.

>
> Some months back there was some discussion here in St. Louis about what
> to do about these exotic pests in our waterways. There was a suggestion
> that they should be harvested and processed into a low cost food that
> could be fed to the prison population, or shipped overseas to starving
> nations - sort of a Purina Prisoner Chow Kibble. "Nutritious, and it
> keeps your teeth white, too!"
>
> Or, we could use them in interogating suspected terrorists... As an
> alternative to waterboarding we could make them eat fish biscuits until
> they confess. On second thought, I bet the Geneva Convention and
> Amnesty International would probably have something to say about those
> particular ideas.
>

Good idea. We should think of these fast-growing hardy fishes as
repositories of stored solar energy. My guess is that we could kill two
birds and and a whole bunch of fish with few stones.

> One canny commercial fisherman suggested re-naming the species "silver
> salmon". After all, when "orange roughy" was known as "slime head" you
> practically couldn't give the stuff away.

I was in a Chinese restaurant a while back and they had an orange fish
in a tank called a "golden perch." I was checking out what was a sort of
a plain looking fish and was suddenly stricken with shock when I
realized the thing was the dreaded tilapia in a color not found in our
waters. It made me nauseous but luckily, there was a potted palm nearby.

>
> Personally I think we need to put our best and brightest to work on
> figuring out how to process them into a non-polluting, self-renewing,
> alternative fuel. "Put A Fish In Your Tank!"
>

You are very wise. :-)