On Sat 03 Jan 2009 05:23:34p, Dan Abel told us...

> In article > ,
> Dave Smith > wrote:
>
>> Lou Decruss wrote:
>>
>> > You're supposed to move on and get your own life when you can support
>> > yourself. Most people gather friends and wisdom over time and aren't
>> > so dependent on their parents that they are "destroyed" for 3 years.
>> > My parents are both alive but older. When they die they can be PROUD
>> > that I'm not financially or emotionally dependent on either of them.
>>
>> Having lost both my parents
>
>> I should add that I am talking about aged parents.
>
> My mother died when I was 22. She wasn't that old, but I had moved out
> long ago, at 18 to go to college, and a few months before she died for
> good. I was married. I think it was much harder for my brother. He
> was still in high school and still living at home when she died. He was
> no where close to marriage and a family of his own.
>
>
>> I just can't imagine what it would be
>> like to lose a child.
>
> It ain't a pretty picture.
>
> sf mentioned something that I think is important. It depends on the
> circumstances. I think both of you (Lou and Dave) have children. It's
> a lot different when your parents die and you have children. You can
> see that things are continuing. It's that old cycle of life, you are
> born and you die. But your children live on. For those whose parents
> die when they have no children and aren't likely to have children, I
> think it is a lot harder.
>

I don't think anyone can measure the impact that someone else's loss has on
that person. Both of my parents lived into their 80s, but neither death
was expected. I'm an only child, and I was very close to both of them. I
have no other relatives that I'm close to, either physically or
emotionally. I also have no children. My partner, David, was very
sympathetic and empathetic, as he had already lost both parents. However,
he had 5 siblings, had been married, and had 3 children of his own.
Dynamics are different in every family and every relationship.

I have a very dear friend whose mother is 90 and not in good health, and
whose husband is battling terminal cancer. My friend is an only child,
although she herself does have a child and three grandchildren. We have
discussed impending loss and I believe she will react much as I did when my
parents died. We are emotionally very similar.

Loss of loved ones is something that no one else should sit in judgement
of, least of all people they only know through an electronic medium.

--
Wayne Boatwright
(correct the spelling of "geemail" to reply)
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Date: Sunday, 01(I)/04(IV)/09(MMIX)
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