The restro rating thread made me think of an article I read in the
print version of Food Arts. Luckily it's online now. I found it very
amusing.

Lou

From he

http://www.foodarts.com/Foodarts/FA_...41,472,00.html

129 Cardinal Sins
Prose for Pros: A step-by-step guide to restaurant perdition

Eric Ripert's new book, On the Line, co-authored with Christine
Muhlke, places much less emphasis on recipes than it does on the
behind the scenes workings at New York City's Le Bernardin, the iconic
fish restaurant the star emblazoned chef co-owns with Maguy LeCoze,
who, with her brother Gilbert, transported it from Paris to Manhattan
in 1986. Co-author Muhlke itemizes the contents of the walk-ins and
pantry, tallies weekly orders from 800 tablecloths and 4,500 napkins
to 60 pounds of garlic and six pounds of black truffles. (Not to
mention the 500 pounds of black bass.) She decodes the language of the
kitchen down to the slang and explains each and every job, both in the
kitchen and in the front of the house. She details the painstaking
process of creating new dishes. But some of the most riveting reading
details the subtle nuances of seamless service. To maintain a stellar
image, vigilance is all, as the chapter headed "Cardinal Sins," an
unforgiving litany of no-nos handed to every new employee and
reprinted below, makes abundantly clear. Forget that they're also
dubbed "Monumentally Magnificent Trivialities," this is a list worth
posting on any ambitious restaurant's kitchen wall.

1. Not acknowledging guests with eye contact and a smile within 30
seconds. First impressions count!
2. Not thanking the guests as they leave. Last impression!
3. Not remembering the guests' likes and dislikes!
4. Not opening the front door for guests.
5. Silverware set askew on the tables.
6. Tabletop that isn't picture perfect.
7. Forks with bent tines.
8. Unevenly folded napkins.
9. Chipped glassware.
10. Tables not completely set when guests are being seated.
11. Dead or wilted flowers on the tables.
12. Tables that are not leveled.
13. Salt and pepper shakers that are half empty.
14. Salt or sugar crusted inside the shakers.
15. Carelessly placed items on the tables.
16.Table linen with small holes, rips, or burns.
17. Clutter or junk. Watch the trays, gueridons, etc.
18. Pictures on walls not leveled.
19. Tables not properly cleared.
20. Burned-out lightbulbs.
21. Clattering dishes. Be quiet!
22. Dropping china, silverware, or glassware.
23. Murky or smelly water in flower vases.
24. Wobbly tables or chairs.
25. Broken chairs.
26. Needing to be center of attention. Give the ego a break!
27. An "I'm doing you a favor" attitude.
28. Socializing with certain guests while ignoring
others!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
29. Being too familiar or excessively chatty.
30. Having a visible reaction to the amount of the tip.
31. Ignoring obvious attempts to get attention.
32. Making light of a guest's complaint.
33. No sense of humor.
34. Orders that arrive incomplete.
35. Not acknowledging guests as soon as they're seated.
36. Not providing service to tables in order of their arrival.
37. Wrong pacing: meal service too fast or too slow.
38. Not providing a place for meal debris-e.g., shells!
39. Food sitting visible on gueridon.
40. Necessary condiments that don't arrive with food.
41. Lack of eye contact.
42. Talking to the order pad.
43. Not repeating each item as the guest orders.
44. Not naming each item as you serve.
45. Addressing the woman as "the lady." (Times are changing!)
46. Thumbs on the plate during service.
47. Stacking or scraping dishes in front of guests.
48. Approaching a table with another table's dirty dishes.
49. Entering the guests' conversation without invitation.
50. Interrupting or asking questions while a guest's mouth is full.
51. Handling silverware by the eating surfaces.
52. Holding glasses by the bowl or rim.
53. Language that is too formal or casual.
54. Asking men for their orders before asking women.
55. Not having total focus when at the table.
56. Giving guests the feeling of being "processed."
57. Not really listening when spoken to.
58. Being too hurried to be attentive.
59. Not establishing rapport with the guests.
60. Appearing stressed or out of control.
61. Not bringing something the guest requests.
62. Providing inconsistent service. (Dig down, you can do it.)
63. Not bringing a replacement (sugar, butter, etc.) before taking the
empty one away.
64. Not removing extra place settings.
65. Inability to answer basic menu questions.
66. Not knowing what brands are carried at the bar.
67. Placing a cocktail napkin askew or upside down.
68. Not warning about hot plates or beverages.
69. Dropping plates instead of presenting them.
70. Not bringing all the serviceware needed for the menu item.
71. Serving with an elbow in the guest's face.
72. Inconsistent service methods.
73. Not refilling water or coffee.
74. Not moving with the "speed of the room."
75. Not checking back within a few minutes of serving the course.
76. Not visually checking on each table regularly.
77. Not clearing one course completely before serving the next (e.g.,
toast, finger bowls).
78. Removing plates before all guests are finished.
79. Clearing plates without permission.
80. Not clearing plates promptly.
81. Vanishing waiters.
82. Not continuing to service the table once you have presented the
check.
83. Watching while the guest completes the credit card slip.
84. Dribbling wine on the table while pouring.
85. Resting the wine bottle on the rim of the glass.
86. Spilling food or beverage.
87. Wet, stained, or incorrectly added checks.
88. Poor personal sanitation practices (touching, scratching, etc.).
89. Standing around doing nothing.
90.Using poor grammar when addressing a guest.
91. Pointing in the dining room.
92. Rattling pocket change.
93. Walking past items dropped on the floor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
94. Answering a question with a question.
95. Soiled or ill-fitting uniforms.
96. Filthy footwear.
97. Slouching or poor posture.
98. Distracting accessories.
99. Obvious hangovers.
100. Bandages on hand.
101. Smelling like cigarettes.
102. Excuses for anything-anytime.
103. Personal conversations loud enough for guests to hear.
104. Whining or complaining.
105. Arguments or displayed anger.
106. Flirting with guests.
107. Speaking in incomplete sentences.
108. Not serving hot food hot.
109. Cold bread or rolls stale around the edges.
110. Incomplete orders.
111. Improperly chilled wine or beer.
112. Drinks without a stirrer or straw.
113. Improper glassware.
114. Dried-out or slimy fruit garnish.
115. Lukewarm coffee.
116. Overly strong or weak iced tea.
117. No fresh glass with a fresh drink.
118. Water, iced tea, or coffee not promptly refilled.
119. Coffee in the saucer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
120. Pouring anything from a stained container.
121. Awkward, improper, or inept wine service.
122. Popping a Champagne cork.
123. Pouring regular coffee into a cup instead of decaf.
124. Not getting the order right the ?rst time.
125. Serving the wrong drink.
126. Not serving wine promptly.
127. Dirty or spotted flatware.
128. Crumbs on chairs.
129. To be continued . . ."