FoodBanter.com - View Single Post

PeterL[_17_]

bulka > wrote in news:d66f3f0f-ffc0-
:

> A friend has asked me to contibute to an art project next weekend. My
> part - slogans, proverbs, aphorisms and such, to be "fortunes" in a
> bunch of ping pong balls in one of his ridiculous, brilliant
> installations. This time, Skrill Party, or something like that, at
> the Hyde Park Art Center in Chicago.
>
> Some of you have good sigs that I may steal. Or, you could send me
> some one-liners.
>

Some of my favourites..........

ACHTUNG! ALLES LOOKENSPEEPERS! Das computermachine ist nicht fuer
gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk,
blowenfusen und poppencorken mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fuer gewerken
bei das dumpkopfen. Das rubbernecken sichtseeren keepen das cotten-
pickenen hans in das pockets muss; relaxen und watchen das
blinkenlichten

If we are not meant to eat animals,
why are they made of meat?

"Life is not like a box of chocolates... it's more like a jar of
jalapenos. What you do today... might burn your ass tomorrow."

At this spectacle even the most gentle must feel savage, and the most
savage must weep.

Turkish Officer
400 Plateau
24May1915

The Gunfighters Rule:
"Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one. Be polite.
Be professional. But, have a plan to kill everyone you meet."

Jack and Jill
Went up the hill
And planned to do some kissing.
Jack made a pass
and grabbed her ass
Now two of his teeth are missing.

Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention
of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body,
but rather to skid in broadside, a glass of red in one hand,
thoroughly used up,totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming...

"WOW! What a ride!"

Mary had a little lamb
her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her
between two chunks of bread.

Mary had a little lamb
it ran into a pylon.
10,000 volts went up its arse
and turned its wool to nylon.

"People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it is safer
to harrass rich women than motorcycle gangs."

Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon to the pie man
'What have u got there?'
Said the pie man unto Simon
Pies you dickhead.

I was having dinner with my boss and his wife and she said to me, "How

many potatoes would you like Peter?". I said "Ooh, I'll just have one

please". She said "It's OK, you don't have to be polite" "Alright" I

said "I'll just have one then, you stupid cow".

You will travel through the valley of rejection;
you will reside in the land of morning mists...and you will find your
home,
though it will not be where you left it.

--
Peter Lucas
Brisbane
Australia

"As viscous as motor oil swirled in a swamp, redolent of burnt bell
peppers nested in by incontinent mice and a finish reminiscent of the
dregs of a stale can of Coca-Cola that someone has been using as an
ashtray. Not a bad drink, though."
Excerpt from "The Moose Turd Wine Tasting" by T. A. Nonymous