Melba's Jammin' > wrote:

> Victor Sack > wrote:
>
> > I do realise that you are in deep mourning this morning. I've heard
> > your family has disowned you - and I sympathise (with them).
>
> Only Becky. And I've disowned her. The jewelry is going to someone else.

Not just Becky! Sam was the first one to disown you and everyone else
immediately followed her suit!

> > You won't be able to show your face in public for many years to come,
>
> Wrong. It'll be on the local NBC affiliate this afternoon. I have no
> shame.

You haven't yet read their latest message to you?

> > so the only real solution for you is to move far, far away at once
> > and to change your name, identity and appearance as soon as possible.
> > An extensive plastic surgery will be required, I'm afraid.
>
> You pay and I'm game. Tummy tuck (how about tummy lop), eyelid lift,
> boob lifts ? have you got that kind of green?

Won't do. The surgery will have to make you look like a yeti or
something...

> > I'd offer some help, but a mere rumour of it would irreparably damage my
> > career and reputation, so... you understand...
>
> Oh, Bubba, your reputation isn't at risk of being damaged, believe me.

Yes, that is true. My long association with you has probably become
known far and wide... Woe unto me!

> > And all this just because of your obstinate refusal to submit a sample
> > of the one and only celestial, transcendental, incomparable Barb's Beety
> > Beauty!
>
> <sigh> I don't know if they would allow it because of the Kool-Aid! I
> still have the package of raspberry K-A, just in case I ever change my
> mind.

There are alternatives to that Kool-Aid product. I've posted some links
more than once! Here are some more, so get to work, STAT!

<http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B001FA1IHS>
<http://mybrands.com/Product.aspx?pid=7391>

> > So sad.
> Let me get you a tissue, Sweetums.

Thanks, I needed it.

Bubba