Julana Benaroon wrote:
> Haven't posted for the last couple days because I've been busy as a digger
> in a bathhouse!
>
> Last night my husband hosted our Spring Soiree for an assortment of
> dignitaries, diplomats, and celebrities. The cooking duties fell on me, as
> he is too MANLY to engage in that kind of thing! (Recipe for disaster if he
> did, truth is, but he's a dab hand at mixing a drink and mingling, so it's
> not bad to play to his strengths.) Because we had quite a few Muslim
> guests,
> I tried to provide a large number of halal dishes, and to make obvious the
> dishes which were haraam (not halal).
>
> My only help was our 8-year-old clubfooted abo Boy Friday. He circulated
> the
> platters among the guests with his trademark winning smile, then set
> them on
> the sideboards after they'd been through the crowd. He also added charcoal
> to the battery of grills as I directed him.
>
> Here is the progression of foods leaving the kitchen:
>
> - Porcelain spoons (Chinese soup spoons) which each contained a roasted
> scallop topped with seared foie gras and a hint of a verjus dressing
>
> - Oysters with ersatz caviar made by separately encapsulating cooked spring
> pea puree and chili-garlic sauce
>
> - Skewered shrimp wrapped with lemon myrtle leaves and cooked on the barbie
>
> - Demitasse cups of peppercress-lettuce soup
>
> - Steamed sea urchin in hollowed-out peeled-and-semi-dried tree tomatoes,
> with lime wedges to squeeze over
>
> - Blanched asparagus spears with wild lime hollandaise
>
> - Grill-roasted barramundi on a bed of samphire
>
> - Lamb: We had butchered 24 lambs for this event, and started cooking two
> days ago. The neck bones and most of the scraps were made into a lamb
> demi-glace, which was used in various places for the rest of the lamb
> cookery. The shanks were braised with non-alcoholic shiraz and riberries
> and
> served with sweet turmeric rice. The shoulder chops were grilled and served
> with schug and damper. The loin chops were grilled and served with
> eucalyptus jus. The racks were given a dry spice rub, grill-roasted, and
> served with an olive-wattle-seed tapenade. The hearts, livers, lungs, and
> stomachs were made into haggis. Some of the breastplates were braised and
> then grilled, served with a curry raisin sauce. Other lamb breastplates and
> some leg meats were cut into pieces and simmered with ginger and star
> anise.
> The fat was removed from the broth, then the broth and meat were served
> together with cooked rice noodles and the traditional "pho" garnishes. The
> kidneys and some of the legs were made into pies. I made a great
> cauldron of
> ragout with meat from various parts of the lamb, onions, stout, and a big
> handful of pepper leaves. (That one had to be labeled as haraam.) Some of
> the remaining legs (meat and bones both) went toward the demi-glace and
> some
> was left for *me*!
>
> - As I was cooking, one of our neighbors brought by a crate of artichokes,
> so I peeled them, quartered them, steamed them, grilled them, and sent them
> out with a lemon beurre blanc. (The beurre blanc was made using verjus and
> lemon juice so it would be halal.)
>
> The guests were getting sated by now, and my second-or-third-or-fourth wind
> was starting to wear off, so it was time for dessert. Besides, it was
> nearly
> 10 o'clock at night, and we don't like to put our neighbors out. The
> desserts we
>
> - Rosella white chocolate bombe sculpted into the shape of the Sydney Opera
> House. (The Japanese diplomat -- ambassador? -- looked askance at this one,
> but as soon as he tasted it, he couldn't shovel it into his mouth quickly
> enough!)
>
> - Pavlova with passionfruit and vanilla whipped cream. Not as
> imaginative as
> some of the other dishes, true, but a consistent winner.
>
> - Macadamia-vanilla butter tarts
>
> - Flourless chocolate torte with cherry sauce and almonds
>
>
> One of the more "esteemed" guests ended up in the kitchen with me as I took
> it upon myself to wipe off the front of his trousers. Oh, the sacrifices we
> make in the name of hospitality...Some jobs are easy, but this was a hard
> one.
>
> At the end of the evening, I was too-right KNICKERED!

I'm amazed at the time you spent authoring this BS.

D