Sqwertz wrote:
>Arri London wrote:
>
>> Some people just have too much time (and minced meat) on their hands
>>
>> http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/8337182.stm
>
>Aren't they called faggots ion the UK?
>
>I wonder how you cook that so as to be edible. It would take a long
>time to reach 160F int he middle and not be dry as hell on the
>outside.
>
>Microwave?
>
>-sw

Well, ya gotta know how to cook creatively, sqwartzie... or are you
going to be just a lowly cook's apprentice all your life.

I don't think that thingie qualifies for any meatball record, it's not
globular, it's an oblate lump and full of cracks... doesn't look very
appetizing... almost looks like a fresh cow patty... calling that a
meatball would make a guinea nana cry. Probably mystery meat to boot.

Standard method for cooking meatballs is brown n' braise, braising
retains moistness, even Andy knows that cooking basic, Sqwartzie.

Now all yoose need is a tool...

Need a huge perforated globular mold that comes apart like those metal
tea balls... pretty simple to construct to any size... start with a
hoop of the proper circumference and build a metal framework for each
half (like aircraft framework). Then cut out sections of either
perforated stainless sheet metal or of stainlees hardware cloth (both
readily available in large sheets), could be aluminum too, easier to
work, especially for a one time use. Then attach a section to each
opening of the framework like aircraft skin (finally a use for that
pop rivet tool you got for your birthday ten years ago you thought was
a tongue/labia piercer). Really not so difficult a project, first
build a wooden half globe shaped form, like is used for aircraft nose
cones, or check companies that sell liquid carrying tanks, I'm sure
one can find a large poly tank like used in agri liquid transfer...
but anyone with an IQ should be able to construct a meatball mold with
everyday common tools and materials one finds around their house.

Could probably borrow the use of a propane storeage tank to create a
form... really only need an arc cut into a sheet of plywood to use as
a template... but following a 3D form would make the job easier and
make for achieving a more accurate configuration. The ends of the 500
gallon propane tank in my yard are the perfect size and configuration
for a giant meat ball mold. A meatball doesn't need to be perfect
anyway, it's not like NASA is into USDA nose cones.

I'd have no problem constructing a giant perforated meatball mold:
http://i34.tinypic.com/2hfhwco.jpg

http://www.missiongas.com/500gallontank.htm

If I wanted to cheat I could make my mold in sections like they do so
many novelty cake pans... would be much easier to cook the meat globe
in eighths and then stick them together later... won't need such large
cooking vessels... but that would definitely be cheating for a record.

Now we're ready to cook... pack the mold with meat mixture, clamp
shut, and with a crane (one of those gooseneck motor hoists would
work) lower into a giant vat of hot fat and deep fry long enough to
form a brown crust. Hoist out and let drain a bit, then lower into
another huge vat filled with slowly simmering tomato sauce... would
take a while but would cook through evenly without drying (need a
long probe thermometer to check doneness). Once cooked it would be
round and firm like a meat ball should. Let rest a bit to firm up and
then carefully unmold onto a giant platter of 'sghettis (cooked pasta
makes a perfect protectant for fragile items). Drown with gallons of
tomato sauce, bury with a full wheel of fresh grated parmigiano, and
mangia!

Now all I gotta hope is that I can convince my propane supplier to
fill my 500 gallon tank with dago red! LOL

Yo, Sqwartzie, how come you didn't think to stuff an ostrich skin with
meatball mix? heheh