Ahh... another episode of "Silly Bitch in the Kitchen" (really, I've
gotta stop watching this show, 'cause I hate her more and more, each new
episode I see...)

crispy fried noodles: “and look, I've just used a paper bag to catch all
the extra oil" ...but don't worry; since I'm piling the new noodles on
top, all that yummy oil will get soaked into the older ones. Can't you
just SEE the flavor?!”

ribs: “let's talk about ginger, 'cause a lot of people think this is
really expensive. And you know what? if you chop your own, it's not.
This is only 25 cents an ounce, compare that to something pre-chopped
you buy in the grocery store, a jarred one, 59 cents an ounce. So you're
saving like 34 cents an ounce here – that's 74 percent – that's
amazing!” <picks up a JAR of PRE-CHOPPED garlic> UGH!

pineapple juice + brown sugar = honey. It's been snarked here already,
but WTF? They know that it doesn't save a dime, so she says “for what
I've used here, I paid 80 cents” – yeah, but I had to buy a freaking $3
bottle of pineapple juice, and a pound of brown sugar! How 'bout I buy a
little honey bear, and let it sit in the pantry, snads? It'll have a
hellaciously longer shelf life than the juice, and will still be usable
when the brown sugar has turned into a concrete brick!

The marinade: “close it up, so they're all basking and bathing in that
sauce” ...umm, yeah – along with all the air that you failed to burp out
of the bag! Get all that damn air outta there, and you'll have much
better coverage of marinade on the surface of the meat!!!

Again, the WTFsies: no foil to line the cookie pan? Yeah... remind me to
eat chocolate chip cookies that YOU bake... bleh!

OK: my commentary, as a guy who makes BBQ ribs, and takes a great deal
of pride in them. Again: WTF?!?!?!?! 300 degrees, then 400? Are you
consciously trying to make chewing gum? Spare ribs (and baby backs) need
“long and slow” to release the collagen. Anyway, why the hell are you
using spare ribs and calling them Asian? Every take-out I've seen serves
short ribs, not spare ribs!

Crispy orange beef: Can I please have some of that magic chuck – you
know, the kind that turns from long, slow braising meat (due to all of
its connective tissue) into a quick stir fry, just from judicious
“against the grain” cuts? UGH! Don't bother trimming off all that fat,
either, ok – I luvvvvvvs me some skanky fat in my stir-fry! And don't
even get me started with that pile of corn starch burning on the bottom
of the frying pan! And snads, if you're gonna use the broccoli stems, at
least peel the hard exterior off the broccoli before you stir-fry it,
ok?

Fortune cookies: did I hear her right? She wants you to print out
fortunes on your printer? Well, hell, Aunt Sandy, that printer cost me
$200 … I'm sooooo glad I made my own, instead of buying them at the
local Asian grocery for about $3! Anyway, I wanna see the looks on the
faces of your guests when the condensation from your
just-out-of-the-oven cookies makes your ink-jet ink run through the
paper and onto the cookies! MMM! You can just SEE the flavor!

Sloppy seconds: She made “soup” from two boullion cubes? Bleh! The salt
content should be enough to gag a horse! (Open up a can of low-sodium
chicken broth, please, and save us all the high blood pressure!) And
another thing: Aunt Sandy has ugly hands!!!! Yick! Oh, well, at least it
kept my mind off that hideous horizontal fake-bake line we were treated
to seeing all ep from that low cut top...

I was laughing when she said we could "hear the savings" while she was
clinking away, stirring that four oz of rum (excuse me, but it was
easily a nine-count, honey) into her cocktail...!