George Leppla wrote:

> OK... so you are uncomfortable with the way your niece and her husband
> eat. That leads me to ask.... why invite them out for dinner or lunch
> if you disapprove of their dining habits? To celebrate a birthday or
> whatever, you could have just bought them a present and been done with
> it. Probably would have saved some money.

It sure as hell wasn't my idea. I don't expect you to read or remember
all my posts, but back in the summer we were invited to a birthday party
for a sister in law who lives in the same city as BN, which is about an
hour and a half drive for us, except that she was having it at her
cottage, which is almost four hours drive from here. She is hard to say
no to, but we explained..... 8 hours driving, putting the dogs in a
kennel, hotel...... two much expense to go to a party, and suggested
that we would have been happy to go to one in the city. A few days
later, BN called to invite us to their joint 50th birthday party.... to
be held the week after SiL's party, and at her father's cottage.... also
4 hours drive from here. No way we could swing both, or go to one and
not the other.

My wife made the offer to take them out for a meal because we couldn't
make it to the party. Personally, I felt no obligation to take them out
for a meal, at which I knew they would pig out, because he declined an
invitation that would have involved far too much time and money for a
few hours of party. It didn't help matters that the added incentive to
the invitation was that, in addition to all the expense to get to the
party and have to spring for a hotel (and kennel for the dogs) it was
BYOB.



> "Sorry we couldn't be there
> and our schedule is too busy to make lunch plans, so instead we are
> sending you this gift in celebration... yadda, yadda, yadda." The
> present could have even been a gift certificate to one of their favorite
> restaurants. Then you would have paid exactly what you wanted to spend
> without having to watch them order while you ran a running total in your
> head.

Good idea..... but a gift certificate for a decent restaurant for two
people with hollow legs?



> And why did you choose THAT restaurant? If you knew they were going to
> "take advantage" of you. it would have been easier to choose a cheaper
> place. Obviously the price of the meal is important to you (she chose
> the "much more expensive" salad). If your relationship with her has a
> price tag, then take her to a place that fits the amount you are willing
> to spend.

My suggestion was a greasy spoon about a half mile from where they were
going that day that brought them down this way. My wife vetoed that,
partly because the name of the place was Butterballs :-) We opted for
this particular restaurant because my wife had heard good things about
it and I checked their menu online and meal prices were reasonable.
Unfortunately, drinks and desserts were not listed on the online menu,
and drink prices were very high.... $9 for a pint of beer, $9 plus for a
glass of wine.


> I'm thinking you went into this with a bad attitude and it became a
> self-fulfilling prophesy.

Quite right. After all the years of knowing her and not liking her, I
was not thrilled about taking them to a restaurant, knowing that a human
sized meal would not be enough and that they would order extra side
dishes,extra drinks etc. Perhaps I should add that this is the one who
won a million bucks in a lottery and her version of spreading the joy of
her windfall was to buy my wife a china coffee mug. She also told her
brother to go out and pick out a car and she would help him with it, and
when she finally gave him a check it was for $400.


However, I have to admit that it was not quite as bad as I had expected,
and I know that it is not likely to happen again.