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Yellow[_2_]

In article om>,
says...
>
> Some of the FB members may have heard, but my husband and best friend
> passed away on Sunday. the funeral was on Tuesday in New Jersey as we
> had already purchased plots there near my daughter's grave.

I am so very sorry for your loss. I am a widow too so I really do know
how you feel and wish you the very best for the journey you will now be
making.

>
> I have spent my entire cooking life cooking for other people and now I
> just have me. I'm worried that I'll just not cook and then not get good
> nutrition.

I was a half decent cook as we met a bit later in life and I lived alone
before that, but my husband used to do most of the cooking for me - and
gosh I liked that and was well used to it!

>
> How do you single folks cook for yourselves? I really need to learn how
> to do this.

For the first months I didn't eat (or sleep) and then I just ate out of
packets, sometimes half decent food, but more often just crisps or
biscuits (that UK crisps and biscuits, not the US kind) to fill my
stomach.

But after a time I found cooking again. I'd cook some pasta with chicken
or tuna, or make some chilli or a risotto or just do a sir-fry. That
fact it was just for me was neither here nor there as cooking one or two
portions is no big deal, it was more about reaching a place where I
could be bothered.

In fact I might even remember one of the very first things I cooked for
myself and I make a garlicky coating for some chicken thighs and grilled
them (that's UK grilling - under a flame) and ate them with a portion of
rice and vegetables. Not sure why I remember that specifically, but I
do.

Now, I work quite long hours so I do not generally make elaborate meals
in the week and rely quite a bit on cans of tuna or quorn (veggie)
sausages with salad or rice or good quality shop bought ready meals,
being more inclined to cook from scratch on Saturday or Sunday.

>
> I'm in NJ now but will be home on Sunday. My kneecap has healed well
> but I still have more PT and last Wednesday, despite having had the
> vaccine, I got shingles up and down my left arm. They are starting to
> heal now, but the nerve pain is still there. If anyone has any
> experience with shingles, I'd appreciate any helpful hints.

Oh dear - sorry cannot help with that one!

>
> The Great Yankee fan was honored at home on Monday night at the local
> independent league ball game where they held a moment of silence
> followed by playing "New York, NY"

That's nice. He was obviously well loved, not just by you.

>
> He was walking into the kitchen Sunday afternoon and sounded like he was
> choking, so I got up and went to him and he just fell over. I called
> 911 and they came in 10 minutes, but it was too late. They gave him CPR
> and all that stuff, but he was gone. I believe cardiac arrest was the
> listed cause of death.

My husband died of a heart attack too and your story is quite similar to
mine. It will be hard to come to terms with it and you will surely find
a way but what happened will stay with you and it will probably take a
long time before it becomes less of a focus.

I discovered TV box sets for the long nights when I did not want to
sleep and audiobooks for when I wanted to sleep but couldn't. Star Trek
and Harry Potter. :-)

I have also perfected the fine art of "changing the subject". When my
mind wanders too far into painful territory, rather than be taken down
by it, I can now willfully force myself to think about something else
and completely forget what I was thinking about. Yes, I really can not
think about the elephant in the room. It is this honed ability that
eventually allowed me to rejoin normal society after 2 years of being
lost in a fog.

You never get over it, but you will learn how to cope with it.

> Big sports fan that he was, he always liked the idea of sudden death
> (as opposed to slow lingering death). For someone who had two cardiac
> bypass operations, was diabetic on an insulin pump, had congestive heart
> failure and a degenerating, herniated disc in his back, he traveled
> extensively, enjoyed his New York Yankees, volunteered at the Humane
> Society and was an all around good guy.

He lived a full life - good!

I had an uncle who had just died of lung cancer when my husband died and
we had a few weeks before talked about the pros and cons of sudden death
vs long and lingering. My husband definitely voted for sudden (although
at just 45, he would have preferred much later in life and sudden) and
he told me that if "I ever need someone to wipe my bottom for me, shoot
me" and this was something what went through my mind a lot in the three
days that my husband was on a life support machine before it was finally
accepted by us all that there was no hope and I agreed we should turn it
off. As much as it hurt to let him die, he would not have liked life
with brain damage.

"Dying is easy, it is living that is hard"

I'm not sure I totally agree with that, but it is a point to be
considered.

>
> Sorry for dumping this.

Don't be sorry! These days are tough and this helped you. Post again if
you need to and I will read it.

> Anyway, pleas send tips on how to cook for
> one. How do you inspire yourself to get up and make a meal for one person?

Just accept that it is going to take time and take the time you need. Do
not work to anyone else's time table or expectations.

Meanwhile, when I left home and lived on my own in a small flat I bought
myself a paperback called "Microwave cooking for one". I still have it
somewhere and it gave me loads of ideas which I cooked in the microwave
or more traditionally.

I still make a chilli based on a recipe in that book although now I only
use just a little meat (I am mostly veggie nowadays) and loads of both
green and red lentils. A pot will feed me a two or three times,
depending on how greedy I am, and I either leave it in the fridge (where
it improves) and have it on several days changing the accompaniments or
put a portion in the freezer for another time.

I guess what I am saying is that cooking for yourself need not be a
compromise and while I never make any of the elaborate meals I read
about in this group that is more because I do not have the time than
because I do not have the inclination.

Here's some pressure! Post again and tell us what you do cook. :-)