On 2014-07-19 10:17 AM, jmcquown wrote:

> Absolutely, Cheri. Living alone does not equal lonely. I guess it
> depends on how comfortable you are in your own skin.
>
> Some people seem to need another person to validate their existence.
> I've known a few people over the years who were terrified of being
> alone. They had the attitude, someone is better than no one. They were
> all people who really didn't like themselves very much.
>

Our recently expired neighbours are a prime example of needing someone
to validate. They were Italian and he was 10-12 years older than her,
and they married when she was very young. He had not been well for
several years and was suffering from dementia related to his heart
problems. She was in denial about his inevitable and not to distant
demise. When my wife had to take her to the hospital after he had been
taken by ambulance she said something that she thought would be
comforting, about him having let a long life and that maybe he was just
too tired to go. The old girl went nuts. She was praying for a miracle.

He was released from the hospital, basically to allow him to die at
home. That happened less than a week later. EMTs were called around 1
am but they were there for hours, firemen, cops, the works. When the old
man died she went berserk and was planning to join him in the afterlife,
planning to drink chlorine and drain cleaner. She ended up in the
mental ward for a week or so.

That was at the end of September. She was a wreck for the next three
months until she died. She just couldn't live without him.

Not everyone wants the surviving spouse to find another mate to be happy
with. For some people it is more a matter of possession and control.