FoodBanter.com - View Single Post - On bringing your own unrequested food to the holiday dinner

Dave Smith[_1_]

On 2016-12-13 12:40 PM, wrote:
> Not a potluck, of course.
>
> I generally agree with the columnist, but I do think it's only fair
> and normal for a guest to expect at least ONE non-meat dish, even if
> it's just salad. (Though if the host is only in the habit of cooking
> carnivore-style meals, it might be better just to decline the
> invitation - but the host makes it clear there are all kinds of
> dishes.) Besides, I have NEVER heard that the rule of "eating what
> you're served" means having to eat, say, steak (as opposed to
> something with bouillon) when you don't eat meat.

I certainly heard that when I was younger and we all had a similar
background. It was always considered to be polite to eat what you had
been served. That was close to 60 years ago and no one in their right
mind was even vegetarian, never mind vegan.

> The author would
> certainly not suggest that guests should violate their own religious
> dietary principles - what's the difference?

I think the difference is a matter of catering to fad diets that
preclude the types of foods most people eat. If it is Christmas or
Easter and you are having family over you should be able to discount
religious issues.

> Also, if he were the host and had brand-new guests (not the case
> here), I think it would only makes sense for him to ASK in advance
> what the guests don't eat, for any reason, if only to avoid any
> health problems.

I suppose that can be done. If I knew in advance that someone had a lot
of restrictions I would likely not bother inviting them. We have
Christmas coming up. It is a traditional meal that usually involves
turkey with dressing and gravy, mashed potatoes, mince meat tarts,
Christmas pudding, shortbread. They aren't vegan and they are not gluten
free. However, there are often lots of other options.

I wrote before of a great niece who arrive unexpectedly as the rest of
the family was sitting down to eat at a Boxing Day gathering. My wife
had to scramble to find her something to suit her vegan diet. Even
salad was ruled out because even my wife's home made dressing was taboo
because there was a small amount of Worchesteshire sauce in it. Less
than two years later I was seated across from her at a buffet luncheon
and her plate was loaded with roast beef, ham, chicken, turkey, bacon,
cheese, shrimp, herring...

>I wonder why this hasn't always been the rule for
> hosts - food allergies may be more common now, but haven't they
> always existed?

If they have food allergies or sensitivities they can forgo the problem
foods.

> On the flip side, Miss Manners once told a meat-eating guest that no,
> it is not rude for a vegetarian host to serve only vegetables and
> that at such a dinner, you'd wouldn't be eating anything unusual
> anyway.

That ranks up there with only white people being able to be racist. It
is an issue in my brother's family. They have a son and DiL who are
vegetarian. When they come to visit the parents have to go and and get
special vegetarian foods for the kids. When they go to visit the kids
they are not even allowed to cook meat on the BBQ because the appliance
they use to grill their pretend meat products will be tainted with meat.
They end up going out for dinner and getting stuck with the bills.

>
>
>
> Q: My husband and I are looking forward to hosting our children and
> grandchildren over the Holidays€”or were. We were recently informed
> that our 30-something daughter and two of her children have decided
> to go completely €œvegan€ and gluten-free and will only eat food that
> is devoid of any and all animal and wheat products. I have always
> cooked for omnivores. Now Im informed that I must prepare one meal
> for 10 people and another entirely separate meal for three people.
> Furthermore, my daughter has informed me that should I regard cooking
> two meals as a hassle, they will bring their own food.

Well good damn. Yes.. It is a lot of hassle to cook one dinner for 10
people and a separate meal for three others.

> Am I right in
> thinking that theres something very self-centered about telling
> someone they must cooperate in your dietary choices or you will bring
> your own food? If so, what is your advice?

Self centered is what veganism is all about, and with the exception of
the few people who have real gluten issues, so is a gluten free diet.

> A: Your assessment of this situation is right on target. But you need
> to understand €” if you dont already €” that teaching proper manners
> to children is no longer the norm. Putting consideration of others
> before consideration of ones self began to go down the child-rearing
> drain in the 1970s. Even if you raised your daughter to know better,
> the culture now exerts more influence upon her than her upbringing.

Well, that is a crock. Everyone seems to think they had a right to be
offended these days. There is a big posh for inclusion and accommodation.

>
> It is inconsiderate to expect ones host to cooperate in dietary
> preferences that are just that €” preferences. Its one thing if
> eating vegan and/or gluten-free is a medical necessity. But if the
> person in question is not going to break out in a pox, go into
> convulsions or die if he eats something containing meat, milk,
> butter, cheese, or wheat, then said person ought to take a diet
> holiday when he/she is a guest in someone elses home. And that
> includes bringing ones own food€”in this case, refusing to
> participate in a special, once-a-year meal that you have taken some
> pains to prepare.

There are also cases of people being especially picky eaters. I have a
nephew like that and if I had my way he would never be invited for a
meal here. It is bad enough that they is almost nothing he will heat,
but he will whine about it too.... and he is in his 40s. He was hear for
Christmas a few years ago and the desserts were a collaborative effort
from me, my mother and his mother. We had home made mince meat tarts,
store bought mince meat. Dark fruitcake, light fruitcake, several
different types of shortbreads, date squares, brownies, Black Forest
Squares (brownies with cherries in them), butter tarts, Naniamo bars,
several other types of cookies and a fruit platter. He whined that there
was nothing he liked. More than a dozen things to choose from and there
was nothing he liked... and he whined about it. The next time we had to
include him in something he was told to bring something he liked.