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Dave Smith[_1_]

On 2016-12-19 10:20 AM, wrote:
> On Mon, 19 Dec 2016 10:04:14 -0500, jmcquown >
> wrote:

> I don't find that horrific. Friends had two sons then a Downs
> daughter. The day she was born their lives changed completely. She
> was always going to be a responsibility and they did not want her to
> become a financial responsibility for her brothers.

I don't find it horrific either. I think that it is the responsible
thing to do. My wife worked in a school for the mentally retarded for a
while, and FWIW it was actually called School for the Trainable Mentally
Retarded because in the 1980s it was still a valid label for those with
developmental delays. Like most other developmental handicaps there is
a wide range of function. Some of the Down's kids were almost capable of
doing regular school work, but some of them were pretty slow to catch on
to even the simplest things.

About half of women with Down's are fertile, but there is also close to
50% chance that their children will have Down's or some other
developmental handicap.

One characteristic of Down's teens is that they can be uninhibited in a
lot of ways, and sexuality is one of them.

> To that end they looked at many full time care homes for her. She
> went on trial to several who rejected her as being too violent for
> their staff (but two oldies could manage it seems!) and finally they
> found one and were able to put the money in trust for her fees etc.

Parents won't be around forever, and the kids aren't likely to be able
to care for themselves. Some can, and goodness knows the press likes to
run stories about the few successes.

>
> Sara had her tubes tied before it became fashionable to not do that,
> at least it was one worry they didn't have. If Sara had a child they
> would have been the ones who had to look after it, Sara would have
> just tossed it across the room if it annoyed her.

My wife had one student whose parents had arranged for her to have her
tubes tied and some social worker intervened and threatened to take the
doctor to court, so he wanted nothing to do with it. This was a rather
low functioning woman. I suspected that the social worker was just
trying to feather her bed. A woman like that reproducing would likely
result in enough special needs kids to keep her in a job forever.

> It's a good thing to put oneself in the parents place in those
> circumstances.

We have friends who have a child (now 42?) who was diagnosed as mentally
retarded and autistic. He is still a handful. The father is now in is
late 70s and has had some health issues. The mother walked away years
ago but the step mother has been a saint, but she has health issues too.
They arranged for him to live in a home because they know it is just a
matter of time for them and that he would be screwed without the support.