On 11/29/2017 11:18 PM, JBurns wrote:
> On Fri, 24 Nov 2017 09:25:43 -0500, jmcquown >
> wrote:
>
>> The first funeral I attended was for a girl I went to high school with.
>> She had just graduated a few months before. She was killed in a car
>> crash on her way home from work. It was too depressing to consider
>> going back to her family's house for a gnosh. The only funerals I've
>> been to since then were my parents'. After Dad's funeral Mom was in no
>> shape to deal with visitors. When I was making the arrangements she
>> said NO to the idea of a dead spread.
>>
>> Jill
>
> My mother chose to have the dead spread and no funeral. She did not
> want her money used on a funeral. I arranged to have her body cremated
> and then we had a wake and only invited people that she loved or
> liked.
>
> JB
>
Every circumstance is different. My mom didn't know what Dad might
want. He had Alzheimers. But even before that... you never discussed
it? Nope. It was hard for me to ask because that brought up the issue
of her own mortality.

She opted for cremation and selected a nice marble urn. (She did this
with me, a couple of months before he died.)

The funerals were at the National cemetery (military) so they didn't
have to buy plots. Just the urns and the services of the funeral home.
Since she liked the urn I chose the same urn for her. The urns were
interred (later) and bronze plaques placed to mark them.

Not many of their friends were still alive or in good enough health to
attend the grave-side service. As for family, it was just my two
brothers and me. Other living relatives were either too old or too
far-flung and hadn't seen them in decades anyway. I wouldn't have known
what to say to their few remaining friends if we'd invited them over
afterwards. Somehow I can't picture a jolly gathering. I didn't get
the impression they'd be the types to bring casseroles, either.

Jill