Dan Abel wrote:

> So for those of you who hate cell phones in restaurants, would they be OK
> if people used a normal voice?


Good question. I'd say the louder voice is about 70% of the problem.
The rest has to do with the sense that the person isn't there, isn't
paying attention, isn't part of the community, can't be brought back in.


In a few memorable instances, I've been in a situation where someone
ignored my presence altogether, didn't just avoid eye contact but
pretended I wasn't there at all even though addressed politely. I can't
explain why it was so infuriating, but it has stayed with me years later
though you'd think it was a small thing. Someone on a cell phone in a
public place has that effect. They're there, but they're pretending
you're not.


If 2 people are chatting and I need to get their attention to ask a
question, I can make eye contact and break in that way. I can listen
for a pause in the conversation and time my interuption. They'll see
that I need to get in, make room for me, pay attention, then go back to
their conversation. With the cell phone, there's something normal about
leaving the person alone until they're metaphorically back in the room.
They've been there the whole time, but somehow they're not there too.


Cell phones break all the rules of normal communications and body
language. Even when I'm with someone with a cell phone, and even if
they have the phone on vibrate, and even if I understand why they need
one, and even if they only glance at the number and don't take the call,
I still find it disconcerting to be in the middle of saying something
and have my companion's attention drawn elsewhere by something I can't
see, hear or feel. There's something rude even in that.


--Lia