On Monday, June 1, 2020 at 9:35:48 AM UTC-10, Cindy Hamilton wrote:
> On Monday, June 1, 2020 at 3:07:55 PM UTC-4, dsi1 wrote:
> > On Monday, June 1, 2020 at 6:43:07 AM UTC-10, Gary wrote:
> > > graham wrote:
> > > >
> > > > It's really gratifying when people appreciate what you cook for them.
> > >
> > > I always told my daughter and anyone else that ate my cooking...
> > > Don't tell me you loved it just to avoid hurting my feelings.
> > > If you tell me you loved it, you'll probably get it again.
> > > If you didn't like it, tell me...I won't be offended. Everyone
> > > has different tastes. I realize that.
> >
> > My Korean mother-in-law needed people to tell her how great her cooking was. When she gave me a bowl of spicy soup, I was horrified. There were tiny fishes and baby octopus in there. The octopus looked like they were dumped in boiling water alive because they were frozen in a scary defensive posture. If you're dealing with an Asian cook, you better show & tell them you love their cooking. Otherwise, it is a great loss of face.
>
> My dislike of both blue cheese and runny eggs was well hidden from my
> in-laws (they fed me both at various times because they wanted to treat
> me well), but they never needed to be told I love their cooking. I always
> told them the food was good--or delicious if it was--but never that I loved it.
> All in all, I'd rather be Western than Eastern. It must be a terrible burden
> to have to take care of others' "face" all the time. I'll manage my own and
> let others worry about theirs.
>
> Cindy Hamilton

That's pretty much the Western concept of looking out for number one. "Saving face" means that if the other guy loses face, so do you. Saving face is a non-zero-sum game.