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in article , PENMART01 at
wrote on 11/7/04 11:30 AM:

>> Sheryl Rosen
>>
>> I have no idea what will be served for Thanksgiving, as I'm going to my
>> friend's house and it will be whatever her Mom and she cook up. I offered
>> to bring either a side dish or a pie. Whichever I'm told to do, that's what
>> I will bring. I have never had Thanksgiving with them, only Christmas (ham)
>> and Easter (Lamb) but her mom is a wonderful cook and I have no doubt it
>> will all be delicious!
>
> I also don't bring a "dish" to someone elses dinner, nor do I permit guests to
> bring any to mine (if they do it won't get served), in fact it won't even get
> refrigerated, all my fridge space is planned... they are free to retrieve
> their
> dish on their way out (I won't even peek to see what it is). I always tell
> guests *emphatically* not to bring anything other than a pleasant disposition
> and an appetite, NO dishes. I think it's very rude, especially after being
> told in no uncertain terms not to bring a dish they do, and then expecting it
> to be served... NOT! When I host a dinner I tend to it in its entirety from
> soup to nuts, including all drinks and dessert, I don't want anyone
> fercockting
> up my dinner menu with their kind of surprises..

(SIGH)
Here we go again.

In my apparently low-brow social circle, it is not only considered NOT rude
to offer to contribute when invited to dinner, it is usually welcome with
open arms and included in the menu plan.

I am not considered a guest to these people, I am a family member who just
happens to have different parents and lives in another house. I wasn't
really invited for Thanksgiving, they just told me what time to be there.
It's understood that we will share Thanksgiving.

This is how all of my close friends treat me, and how I treat all of my
close friends. We are not guests in each other's homes. We are family who
don't happen to live together.

When invited for a holiday dinner or other gathering at the home of a
friend, I ask "What can I bring?" and the answer is usually something along
the lines of "oh, we loved that green bean dish we had at your house, will
you bring that?" or "Your glazed carrots come out so much better than mine,
could you make those?", or whatever. And when I invite, my friends ask me.
And when I plan the menu, I think about what others could bring. One friend
likes making veggie platters and dips, for example. That's what she always
offers to bring. Works for me!

It's never a surprise, it's discussed before hand and counted on as part of
the menu.

Maybe I consort with a bunch of heathens, who knows. But all of us have
more good intentions and desire to enjoy the company of our friends than we
have money. So if we all pitch in, we get to see each other a lot more
often b/c the burden of the expense isn't on any one person. Some people
have space to entertain, some don't. Those who have it, host. Those who can
cook, make something. Those who have neither space nor cooking ability stop
at the packy and bring beer, wine or booze. No one ever feels put upon,
and certainly no one ever gets labeled rude for bringing something.

Everyone has a good time, and by the time we're done with the appetizers,
we're all feeling really good, glad that Charlie or Mike had no cooking
ability and graced us with a couple good bottles of wine, by then no one
cares who made what, as long as it tastes good and we get to laugh together.

Isn't that the entire point of sharing a meal with friends?

Or maybe I'm the one who's got it all wrong.