> "kilikini" writes:
>
>"PENMART01" wrote:
>> >Sheryl Rosen
>> >
>> >I have no idea what will be served for Thanksgiving, as I'm going to my
>> >friend's house and it will be whatever her Mom and she cook up. I
>offered
>> >to bring either a side dish or a pie. Whichever I'm told to do, that's
>what
>> >I will bring. I have no doubt it
>> >will all be delicious!
>>
>> I also don't bring a "dish" to someone elses dinner, nor do I permit
>guests to
>> bring any to mine (if they do it won't get served), in fact it won't even
>get
>> refrigerated, all my fridge space is planned... they are free to retrieve
>their
>> dish on their way out (I won't even peek to see what it is). I always
>tell
>> guests *emphatically* not to bring anything other than a pleasant
>disposition
>> and an appetite, NO dishes. I think it's very rude, especially after
>being
>> told in no uncertain terms not to bring a dish they do, and then expecting
>it
>> to be served... NOT! When I host a dinner I tend to it in its entirety
>from
>> soup to nuts, including all drinks and dessert, I don't want anyone
>fercockting
>> up my dinner menu with their kind of surprises... anyone needs to show off
>> their kitchen prowess feel free to host your own dinners. You wanna bring
>> wine, feel free, but I consider that a gift for the host and it won't get
>> served (I would be rude to give away a gift given to me)... if it's good
>wine
>> I'll happily drink it myself, afterwards, if it's rot gut it'll go down
>the
>> drain, later... I wouldn't make a gift of rotten wine... and that's the
>point,
>> I don't want to get maneuvered into serving your crap at my dinner. When
>I
>> accept a dinner invitation I bring a host/ess gift with no expectation it
>will
>> be served to the other guests, in fact I take great offense at someone
>giving
>> away my gift to total strangers, especially right in my face (I don't give
>away
>> someones gift either, see above). I usually bring flowers, chocolates, or
>> Champagne, and would be very offended if at the end of dinner they gave my
>gift
>> to one of their schnorrer guests to take home... I'd never again accept
>their
>> invite. Of course what someone does with a *gift* unbeknownst to the
>giver is
>> no ones business, it's a gift after all... but somehow that kind of
>crassness
>> always manages to surface.
>>
>> And I especially don't appreciate someone thinking that if they bring a
>dish
>> that excuses them from any and all reciprosity. I'll extend a dinner
>invitation
>> once, perhaps twice... after that they still don't invite me to their
>dinner
>> it's all over... I hate schnorrers, in all their mutations.
>
>(content NOT snipped on purpose)
>
>Sheldon, your viewpoint is really interesting to me because where I grew up
>and also where I lived in Hawaii, if you were invited to someone's house for
>dinner, you naturally brought along an appetizer, or side dish/dessert or a
>bottle of wine. You simply DID not go to someone's house empty handed. You
>would probably not receive another invite.

If you read as carefully as you seem to imply then you'd not have missed all
that I wrote about my take on host/ess gifts. I never arrive empty handed but
I'm not about to bring a nice gift just so it will be disbursed amongst a bunch
of stangers I don't know, will likely never get to know and who never have and
never will do anything for me... to me a host/ess gift is for the host/ess, as
a personal thank you for inviting me, not something to be given away. I choose
my host/ess gifts carefully... I don't consider a bowl of rice n' beans any
kind of host/ess gift... nor would I want to attend a dinner that consisted of
dishes all prepared by different people who I've no idea of in which landfill
they were prepared and with whose asswipe hands... If I was in the mood to take
my chances with carnival chow I'd buy a ticket to Ringling Bros. I think a
meal consisting of dishes prepared by all the guests is the best way to ensure
I'll lose my appetite... the few times I've been fooled into attending one of
those po' trash affairs I just drink, munch pretzels, and think up some excuse
to leave early.

>I can completely understand your viewpoint although it conflicts with the
>social mores of what I've grown accustomed to. You woke me up, so-to-speak.

Well, every society has it's own schtick.

>From now on, when I'm invited somewhere, I will ask the host if I should
>bring something to avoid any uncomfortableness between host and guest.

It's impolite to ask if you should bring something... any host/ess with class
will tell you not to.... doesn't mean not to. Proper ettiquite mandates that
you simply arrive with a suitable host/ess gift... see my original post.

>Thanks for sharing your opinion.

You're quite welcome. Now keep in mind, we're talking here about a formal sit
down holiday dinner, not stuffy, but not some fercocktah indoor picnic where
folks wander about carrying their mac n' cheese in paper plates, screaming rug
rats swinging from the curtains, folks clad in their sunday best torn jeans and
tees, and most of the men and some of the wimen soused from too many
brewskis... and no one removes their baseball caps.


---= BOYCOTT FRANCE (belgium) GERMANY--SPAIN =---
---= Move UNITED NATIONS To Paris =---
*********
"Life would be devoid of all meaning were it without tribulation."
Sheldon
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