|
|
|
|
"Sheryl Rosen" > wrote in message
...
> in article , sf at
>
> wrote on 11/12/04 1:41 PM:
>
>> Sorry to piggyback on yours, Dawn's message isn't archived yet.
>> ```````````````````
>>
>> On Thu, 11 Nov 2004 00:11:00 -0500, maxine in ri >
>> wrote:
>>
>>> Beyond that we haven't made many plans, this
>>> being the first year we have no family in town due to deaths and
>>> divorces. I'm not much in the mood for celebrating.
>>
>> Dawn
>>
>> Dawn, find some "orphan" friends... I think you'll feel a lot better
>> with some company around. Even if you aren't in the best of moods,
>> reach out - you may surprise yourself and have a good time after all.
>>
>
> Well, situational depression is a funny thing.
>
> Well-meaning friends often suggest someone who is blue around the holidays
> because they recently lost someone "reach out-you may surprise yourself
> and
> have a good time". While that might make me feel better this year, for
> example....last year, it just sounded like far too much effort. If it
> sounds good to the person who is depressed, than it probably would make
> the
> person feel better.
>
> But sometimes the person who is depressed around the holidays b/c they are
> missing people they have lost, for example, well, sometimes, what your
> psyche needs is to MISS them. And in that case, sitting out the holiday
> and
> dealing with the feeling of missing that person is what will actually help
> you to feel better.
>
> It all depends on where you are with the loss. Like I said, the first
> thanksgiving without either parent, I was with friends. It was lovely,
> really, and I enjoyed myself, but I was still very sad, profoundly missing
> my own family. My friends were great, made me feel very welcome and tried
> to take my mind off the fact that I was there for a very sad reason.
>
> The second year, I received several invitations, and I declined all of
> them.
> I just couldn't bear it. If I couldn't be with who I wanted to spend the
> holiday with (which obviously, I couldn't), I rathered be alone, because
> in
> my heart, anyone else was "second best".
>
> I was incredibly sad going into the day, but once it got here, I made my
> little half a turkey breast, my little casserole of dressing, etc. and I
> realized, as I sat down to a home-cooked "Thanksgiving for one", that this
> was exactly what I needed....to be by myself so I could spend Thanksgiving
> really thinking about who I missed and actually deal with it.
>
> This year, I'm really looking forward to spending the day with friends. I
> know I will miss my family, and that's fine, I know how to deal with it
> now.
>
> If Dawn is ready to reach out to others, she'll have a nice time. But if
> she's not, inviting people over for dinner and having to cook a nice meal
> for them might seem more effort than therapy and it might make her feel
> worse.
>
> Dawn (and anyone else in this situation) just has to do what feels right
> for
> them at the time.
>
==========================
Bravo!! Well stated Sheryl.
Cyndi
|