Please, please see that your daughter gets counseling. And for
yourself as well. This is not an idle suggestion. I was violently
raped and the after effects were very damaging. I was visiting in St.
Croix, staying at the luxury Hotel Buccaneer. The man I was traveling
with was in the dining room having a business breakfast , and I took a
walk on the beach, 8:15 in the morning. I got to the end of the cove
and was looking over the rocks at some beautiful sea birds. A native
man walked out of the palm trees toward me, big and strong, he held his
arms like a man who lifts weights. He put out his hand as though to
shake mine. I turned and ran into the ocean, but he followed me. The
terror was so strong I could hardly breathe. I couldn't have called for
help, or blown a whistle. He held me under water until I was coughing
and weak. My feet were being badly cut by the sea urchins, but the
fear I was feeling kept me from noticing this till later. He dragged
me back across the sea urchins, the sand, the shrubbery and threw me on
my back. He was very strong and held my arms immobile. When I continued
to struggle he hit me with a rock, in the side of my head, very hard.
(Later it was x-rayed and there was a "spider" fracture). I was
stripped, and the rest followed..I truly felt that I was dying, from
fright, disgust. There were moments when I felt myself almost flip over
into insanity, that my mind would be gone. I almost wanted to die to
stop it. But I forced myself to think this: "I'm not really here .the
real me has left my body. This terrible thing is just happening to my
body, not to me. He was going to hurt me some more, he got rough.
Instinctively I said, "You don't really want to do this. I think you're
too nice a man to do this." Obviously I didn't mean it, but I thought
it might have an effect on him somehow. It did. He let me go.
I was taken to a doctor, a woman, and her first question was "How many
were there?"--so at least I escaped that. She said "It happens on that
beach all the time.
But here's the important part. I was psychologically damaged for
quite a long time. I was unable to make sensible decisions. I allowed
myself to be led into marriage by the man I was with. I knew before
the incident that I didn't want to marry him. I was listless. When I
got home I had several close calls while driving. I was unable to make
decisions. I did finally get some therapy and it slowly helped. I
ended the marriage. It was such a relief. I never told any of my
friends about it. My daughter guessed something was very wrong when I
got home. I just said, "There was a man on the beach", and she knew.
No one else knows. It has been a long time now, and I handle things
better. But I don't tell my friends. I guess I feel anonymous with
all of you, so I've let myself tell you the story. I hope it helps
someone. It takes will to make that phone call for a therapist. But
they can help in a way that family and friends can't .
Thanks for listening.
Nancree