nancree wrote:

> Please, please see that your daughter gets counseling. And for
> yourself as well. This is not an idle suggestion. I was violently
> raped and the after effects were very damaging. I was visiting in St.
> Croix, staying at the luxury Hotel Buccaneer. The man I was traveling
> with was in the dining room having a business breakfast , and I took a
> walk on the beach, 8:15 in the morning. I got to the end of the cove
> and was looking over the rocks at some beautiful sea birds. A native
> man walked out of the palm trees toward me, big and strong, he held his
> arms like a man who lifts weights. He put out his hand as though to
> shake mine. I turned and ran into the ocean, but he followed me. The
> terror was so strong I could hardly breathe. I couldn't have called for
> help, or blown a whistle. He held me under water until I was coughing
> and weak. My feet were being badly cut by the sea urchins, but the
> fear I was feeling kept me from noticing this till later. He dragged
> me back across the sea urchins, the sand, the shrubbery and threw me on
> my back. He was very strong and held my arms immobile. When I continued
> to struggle he hit me with a rock, in the side of my head, very hard.
> (Later it was x-rayed and there was a "spider" fracture). I was
> stripped, and the rest followed..I truly felt that I was dying, from
> fright, disgust. There were moments when I felt myself almost flip over
> into insanity, that my mind would be gone. I almost wanted to die to
> stop it. But I forced myself to think this: "I'm not really here .the
> real me has left my body. This terrible thing is just happening to my
> body, not to me. He was going to hurt me some more, he got rough.
> Instinctively I said, "You don't really want to do this. I think you're
> too nice a man to do this." Obviously I didn't mean it, but I thought
> it might have an effect on him somehow. It did. He let me go.
> I was taken to a doctor, a woman, and her first question was "How many
> were there?"--so at least I escaped that. She said "It happens on that
> beach all the time.
> But here's the important part. I was psychologically damaged for
> quite a long time. I was unable to make sensible decisions. I allowed
> myself to be led into marriage by the man I was with. I knew before
> the incident that I didn't want to marry him. I was listless. When I
> got home I had several close calls while driving. I was unable to make
> decisions. I did finally get some therapy and it slowly helped. I
> ended the marriage. It was such a relief. I never told any of my
> friends about it. My daughter guessed something was very wrong when I
> got home. I just said, "There was a man on the beach", and she knew.
> No one else knows. It has been a long time now, and I handle things
> better. But I don't tell my friends. I guess I feel anonymous with
> all of you, so I've let myself tell you the story. I hope it helps
> someone. It takes will to make that phone call for a therapist. But
> they can help in a way that family and friends can't .
> Thanks for listening.
> Nancree
>
Wow! Sending you {{{{{hugs}}}}}.

Being a victim of violence is no fun, speaking from experience.
According to the DA, I'm a murder victim as in a loved one was murdered.
I got to pick up the pieces, arrange the funeral, clean out the actual
victim's appartment, and sit through several days of the trial. It
wasn't pleasant.I agree you need to talk these things out. I
unsuccessfully tried the counselling. The cousellor wanted to go back
to when I was born for Pete's sake without even touching on the violent
event. My opinion of her was she was a royal f*ckwad! Sorry to be so
blunt but to want to go to the beginning instead of helping the
immediate problem, what more can I say. I gave up on her incompetence
and turned to DH and my church. With the help of both, I came to a
quiet acceptance. On the anniversary date, I still get quite aggitated
and very emotional. I still have bad days where the pain is just too
much. Again I turn to DH and my church. In a couple of years, the jerk
will be up for parole. I intend to be there with my victims impact
statement to keep him where he belongs! Once again, I will see his
face! Funny, at the first trial, I thought he doesn't look like a
monster. Given what he had done, he was. Yet, he looked like a normal
person! How dare he! Like you, my friends don't know. I just don't
talk about it. A couple of very close friends. They came to the
funeral. We just don't talk about it. People are uncomfortable if I
mention the murder on the very rare occasion. They get very antsy and
very quiet then they act very nervous. I've learned to just keep quiet.