First I want you to buy a box of Strawberry Frosted Kellogs Pop-Tarts.
When you get them home I want you to open the box. Now don't be afraid of
the shiney pretty foil wrappers. That's just the convenience of having
your Pop-Tarts pre-packaged. Just open one up and take the Pop-Tarts out
being careful not to accidentally break off any corners.

Next I want you to just literally pop the Pop-Tarts (hmm... that was
pretty clever... I should write that down... "pop your Pop-Tart...") into
your toaster. Make sure you put only one Pop-Tart in each slot. Now.
Here's a tip. If your Pop-Tarts don't seem to be getting warm I want you
to pull down the lever on the side of the toaster.

Now while our Pop-Tarts are cooking let's make a nice breakfast cocktail
to go with it! I call it my fantastic Pop-Cocktail! I want you to take
some grape popsicles out of the freezer. Put them in a bowl. Now just pop
the bowl into the microwave! When the popsicles are melted, take them out
and pour them into an ice cube tray. Don't be afraid to take the sticks
out of the melted popsicle. Pop the tray into the freezer. I have some
frozen already! Next I want you to get a tall glass and put your frozen
popsicle ice cubes in the glass all the way to the top. Next pour your
vodka literally right on top of the ice cubes. Your popsicle cubes will
keep your drink cool and give it a wonderful flavor!

Our Pop-Tarts should be done by now, so I want you to take them out of
the toaster. Use a fork to get them out so that you don't burn your
fingers. Put your Pop-Tarts on your prettiest strawberry patterned plate.
Next take a shaker full of powdered sugar and literally sprinkle it all
over your Pop-Tarts. Sit down by a roaring fire with your hubby and enjoy
your Pop-Tarts and your Cock-Poptail! Did I mention I love to have sex
with my husband? It's true. See my website for tips!

I forgot to mention that you can unfold the shiny foil wrappers the
Pop-Tarts come in and tape a bunch together to make yourself a beautiful
new tablecloth for your breakfast tablescape. And nobody will ever know
how easy it was to make or how little it cost.