why do you watch her if she is that pretentious or 'gawd-awful'??
"Ubiquitous" > wrote in message
...
> The show begins with Sandra wearing an oversized doily holding those
> flowers
> she pilfered in the previous episode. She still has that nasty cold that
> make
> her sound like Kirsty Allie (Oh, now THAT'S a pleasant thought...) and is
> dragging a four foot high wicker hamper full of the raw materials needed
> to
> make her concoctions. Who the hell does that? Wouldn't it be easier to
> make it
> at home and THEN bring the finished goods to the picnic?
>
> She starts by making the salad. At first, she's making three salads, then
> suddenly one of the bowls vanishes. Run away, little salad! Fulfilling her
> duty
> as spokesperson for the California Almond Council, she adds some almonds
> to the
> salad instead of cashews.
>
> She makes sandwiches, using an "adherent" to make it stick together. For
> visual
> effect and flavor, she used a slice of wheat on the bottom and wonder
> bread on
> the top. Most people take the lazy route and use swirled bread to do this.
> She
> then slices the sandwiches into quarters diagonally but decides to not cut
> the
> ends off.
>
> We cut to commercial break and see the Food network Labor Day marathon
> promotion which shows Sandra grabbing a bottle of booze. Hee! They got her
> pegged but good!
>
> Sandra tries to imitate Rachel Ray by grabbing an armload of food from her
> wicker hamper o' food and struggles to get them to the table without
> rolling
> off, giggling that her tomatoes are all over the place. No, I am NOT going
> to
> make the obvious comment here. She struggles with slicing some bagellettes
> with
> a non-serated knife and then gets a tub of mini-mozzerella balls and
> begins
> slicing them into thin strips, telling us you'll have to slice a LOT of
> them to
> cover the bread. Wouldn't it be easier to slice a large ball, or heaven
> forbid,
> from a block so you don't have a gazillion little pieces sliding all over
> the
> place? She uses a couple pre sliced pieces of procuitto, declaring it
> makes a
> great sandwich meat.
>
> She then works on her chicken salad, proudly displaying some "precooked
> chick
> in" in what appears to be a plastic container one would use for Chinese
> soup.
> She mixes cole slaw with mandarin oranges, then cuts up the chicken into
> tiny
> tiny pieces and mixes it in, decanting the oil the mozzarella was packed
> in to
> pull the flavors together.
>
> For desert, she takes a store-bought pound cake from what I think she
> called a
> "rain can" and slices off the top and gouges out a canal. Hmm, I'm
> disappointed
> she didn't use an angel food cake but it's been awhile since she gouged a
> cake
> canal, so I'm happy. She mixes a jar of lemon curd with some Cool Whip
> from
> another plastic Chinese soup container, telling us not to overstir it or
> it
> will deflate, but I know better. For some strange reason, she mentions to
> not
> use the stuff from a spray can because it won't hold up to being stirred
> (no
> doubt because it contains dairy product and might actually taste good). I
> have
> a feeling she learned this the hard way... She fills her cake trough with
> the
> adulterated Cool Whip and replaces the top, then mixes the rest of the
> Cool
> Whip with powdered sugar, frozen lemonade, and lemon jello. I don't see
> how
> this will work as a frosting, until she tells us to drizzle it over the
> cake,
> which she does, until all the frosting has been poured onto the cake.
> Lovely.
> Sandra then struggles to move the cake to a cake pedestal and then tells
> us to
> pull the spatula out of the back of the round cake. Thank goodness for
> telling
> me that! I'd have just left it there all day otherwise! Sandra then tops
> the
> cake with the pilfered flowers, reminding us to remove them before serving
> because they're inedible -- does she mean the flowers or the cake?
>
> When we return from commercial, we can tell by the graphic on the screen
> that
> it's now "Sandra's Cocktail Time!". SLop is now holding a bottle of
> champagne
> and opens it with a whoot. Into a pitcher she adds some frozen lemonade
> and a
> little bit of shaken up seltzer water. I swear her crew shakes up those
> bottles
> to make her look stupid, which she does. She tops of the pitcher with the
> champagne and adds some crushed lemon drops she found in her car. When she
> pours it into the glasses, the first one is mostly pulp. She quickly tries
> to
> claim that pulp in a drink is a good thing, but I'm not convinced.
>
> Sandra declares that her picnic-scape is based on poetry and Shakespeare,
> which
> sounds interesting, until the camera pulls back to reveal it in all its
> glory,
> at which point I am stunned. WTF? WTF?!?!? She dragged out a dinning room
> table
> and used a tapestry for a table cloth and dragged out a pair of big fancy
> apolstered recliners for sitting/reclining. On the table, she used faux
> metal
> plates and gushed that you can eat "right on top of them". I was seriously
> too
> stunned to take the rest in, but she apparently ripped out pages from a
> poetry
> book as napkin decorations and hung a candelabra of Liberace proportions
> from
> gawd knows where. She then tells us she has to run off to 'freshen up" and
> exits stage left with a wave.
>
> --
> WARNING!!!
> Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
> standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
> assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
> "food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
> where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss
> Lee.
>