Bitch tore pages out of a book to make napkin decorations.

Sandra doesn't really get the concept of "picnic," does she? A big ol' gloppy
cake isn't picnic food. And generally one makes the greater part of the meal
ahead of time and totes it out to the picnic ground. And I agree with the
comment upthread that that was way too much food for a romantic picnic for two.
That was enough to feed a couple of families.

Bitch tore PAGES out of a book to make NAPKIN DECORATIONS!

That "picnicscape" with a heavy dining-room table, and the chairs, and the
freakin' chandelier hanging from a tree was the funniest thing I've ever seen.
But...

BITCH tore PAGES out of a BOOK to make _NAPKIN_DECORATIONS_!!!!!

In article >, wrote:
>
>The show begins with Sandra wearing an oversized doily holding those flowers
>she pilfered in the previous episode. She still has that nasty cold that make
>her sound like Kirsty Allie (Oh, now THAT'S a pleasant thought...) and is
>dragging a four foot high wicker hamper full of the raw materials needed to
>make her concoctions. Who the hell does that? Wouldn't it be easier to make it
>at home and THEN bring the finished goods to the picnic?
>
>She starts by making the salad. At first, she's making three salads, then
>suddenly one of the bowls vanishes. Run away, little salad! Fulfilling her
>duty as spokesperson for the California Almond Council, she adds some almonds
>to the salad instead of cashews.
>
>She makes sandwiches, using an "adherent" to make it stick together. For
>visual effect and flavor, she used a slice of wheat on the bottom and wonder
>bread on the top. Most people take the lazy route and use swirled bread to do
>this. She then slices the sandwiches into quarters diagonally but decides to
>not cut the ends off.
>
>We cut to commercial break and see the Food network Labor Day marathon
>promotion which shows Sandra grabbing a bottle of booze. Hee! They got her
>pegged but good!
>
>Sandra tries to imitate Rachel Ray by grabbing an armload of food from her
>wicker hamper o' food and struggles to get them to the table without rolling
>off, giggling that her tomatoes are all over the place. No, I am NOT going to
>make the obvious comment here. She struggles with slicing some bagellettes
>with a non-serated knife and then gets a tub of mini-mozzerella balls and
>begins slicing them into thin strips, telling us you'll have to slice a LOT
>of them to cover the bread. Wouldn't it be easier to slice a large ball, or
>heaven forbid, from a block so you don't have a gazillion little pieces
>sliding all over the place? She uses a couple pre sliced pieces of procuitto,
>declaring it makes a great sandwich meat.
>
>She then works on her chicken salad, proudly displaying some "precooked chick
>in" in what appears to be a plastic container one would use for Chinese soup.
>She mixes cole slaw with mandarin oranges, then cuts up the chicken into tiny
>tiny pieces and mixes it in, decanting the oil the mozzarella was packed in to
>pull the flavors together.
>
>For desert, she takes a store-bought pound cake from what I think she called a
>"rain can" and slices off the top and gouges out a canal. Hmm, I'm
>disappointed she didn't use an angel food cake but it's been awhile since
>she gouged a cake canal, so I'm happy. She mixes a jar of lemon curd with
>some Cool Whip from another plastic Chinese soup container, telling us not
>to overstir it or it will deflate, but I know better. For some strange reason,
>she mentions to not use the stuff from a spray can because it won't hold up
>to being stirred (no doubt because it contains dairy product and might
>actually taste good). I have a feeling she learned this the hard way... She
>fills her cake trough with the adulterated Cool Whip and replaces the top,
>then mixes the rest of the Cool Whip with powdered sugar, frozen lemonade,
>and lemon jello. I don't see how this will work as a frosting, until she
>tells us to drizzle it over the cake, which she does, until all the frosting
>has been poured onto the cake. Lovely. Sandra then struggles to move the cake
>to a cake pedestal and then tells us to pull the spatula out of the back of
>the round cake. Thank goodness for telling me that! I'd have just left it
>there all day otherwise! Sandra then tops the cake with the pilfered flowers,
>reminding us to remove them before serving because they're inedible -- does
>she mean the flowers or the cake?
>
>When we return from commercial, we can tell by the graphic on the screen that
>it's now "Sandra's Cocktail Time!". SLop is now holding a bottle of champagne
>and opens it with a whoot. Into a pitcher she adds some frozen lemonade and a
>little bit of shaken up seltzer water. I swear her crew shakes up those
>bottles to make her look stupid, which she does. She tops of the pitcher
>with the champagne and adds some crushed lemon drops she found in her car.
>When she pours it into the glasses, the first one is mostly pulp. She quickly
>tries to claim that pulp in a drink is a good thing, but I'm not convinced.
>
>Sandra declares that her picnic-scape is based on poetry and Shakespeare,
>which sounds interesting, until the camera pulls back to reveal it in all
>its glory, at which point I am stunned. WTF? WTF?!?!? She dragged out a
>dinning room table and used a tapestry for a table cloth and dragged out a
>pair of big fancy apolstered recliners for sitting/reclining. On the table,
>she used faux metal plates and gushed that you can eat "right on top of them".
>I was seriously too stunned to take the rest in, but she apparently ripped
>out pages from a poetry book as napkin decorations and hung a candelabra of
>Liberace proportions from gawd knows where. She then tells us she has to run
>off to 'freshen up" and exits stage left with a wave.
>
>--
>WARNING!!!
>Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
>standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
>assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
>"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
>where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss Lee.