I saw this ep last night and I have to ask: Haven't the people of New Orleans
suffered enough?

P.S.
OK, I'm a little scared to go into my pantry now. I have a bottle of fiend
herbs & I just know they are in there plotting something evil.... and
waiting..... shudder

In article >, wrote:
>
>
>SLop begins making her po-boys by mixing some mayo (or was it tarter sauce?)
>and "Cajun spices ™", whatever THAT is. She empties a jar of capers into a
>strainer to drain them of their "juice", only to put them back and then only
>uses a tablespoon for her recipe, leaving the rest to dry out in the jar.
>
>Sandra announces "To my remulade I am going to add crap". Fraudian slip, SLop?
>She mixes the crab into remulade and confides "I have never been to Mardis
Gras
>before, but went to Jazzfest". Sandra then talks about her impending guests
for
>whom she is making this food. Who would like to wager a bet they never show
up?
>
>SLop scoops out a hoagie, then puts the scraps into a blender with "themed
>herbs", whatever THOSE are. She then tells us to "pulse it", but
unfortunately,
>she STILL hasn't mastered "The Pulse", so she stands there staring at the
>blender, trying to figure out how to turn it off for about 20 seconds.
>
>Sandra adds bread crumbs to the crap, err, crab, mixture and rolls them into
>little balls, adding that they can be formed into tiny patties and served as
>appetizers. What's that cloudy orange cake-shaped jello mold on the table? Is
>jello Cajun?
>
>With a gleeful "Me washie handsies!", Sandra washes her hands and tells us she
>does this because you don't want to fry things with wet hands. Huh? Once
again,
>she misses the entire point.
>
>SLop then dredges the crab cakes in a pie tin of corn muffin mix for no
>apparent reason. Naturally, when she fries them, the breading almost
>immediately sloughs off the patties in the pan. As we head out to commercial,
>SLop starts to tell us what else she's going to make, but forgets what it is.
>
>Sandra tells us she's going to make dirty rice, then gets "more lettuce" for
>some reason. At this point I am doubly confused because this is the first time
>she got lettuce from the fridge and I have never seen lettuce used in dirty
>rice before. She chops the head in half, then throws it away. She cooks some
>Jimmy Dean ™ breakfast sausage, scoops it into another pan, then sets it
aside.
>She then adds oil to the pan, but it's obviously a new pan, because there's no
>sign at all that she just cooked sausage in it. She sautes some onions,
celery,
>and green peppers and calls it a "trioty". I think she meant "trinity" a
sauted
>mixture of onion, celery, and carrots, but I'm not sure.
>
>Grabbing a bunch of paper towels and wrapping them around her hand, SLop
>announces "I am now going to grab the crabcakes!". Holy crap! She's going to
>use her hands to retrieve those crapcakes from the pan of hot oil! Sadly, she
>puts the wad of towels onto a plate and uses a spatula to remove them.
>
>Sandra puts the sausage back into the frying pan, adds a box of rice-a-roni,
>and the seasoning packet. And a LOT of chicken stock. Mmmmm, rice soup! It is
>going to take more than a couple minutes to reduce that much fluid, Snarda.
>
>SLop jumps back to making those po-boys...
>She fills the bread hole with the remulade and a couple crab cakes. Sandra
asks
>the rhetorical question "Don't you just want to eat this right now?". No, I do
>not want that right now, nor ever, but thanks for asking. She adds some
lettuce
>and tomato to the po-boys, then starts to shove it into her mouth. "Yum!" she
>says aloud and she makes this Jennifer Willbanks bug-eyed expression on her
>face right as they cut away to a glamour shot of Milli Vanilli's po-boys. When
>we return, we see her pretending to chew with her mouth full. I am SO betting
>she gave herself third degree burns in her mouth again or made a technicolor
>yawn right there. I guess this is a mystery for the ages or until one of her
>staff smuggles out some blooper footage and posts it to the Internet. Right
>before we head out to commercial, SLop grabs the pan of rice that's been
>sitting unattended all this time and sets it aside, saying "I put this rice
>aside b/c I'd have dirty fried rice!". Whatever.
>
>The funniest line of today's show? The first ad after the end of this
>commercial imediately began "You sent us your kitchen nightmares!". Hee!
>
>We come back from commercial break and SLop gets all excited showing us her
>ugly ribbon remnant valance. Whoot! Anyhow, back to business. She takes some
>"caramel sauce", the stuff you put onto ice cream actually, and adds liqueur
>and heats it up on the stove. I am not sure if she's trying to thicken it or
>just warming it up. Naturally, she warns us about cooking with liqueur when
the
>stove is on. Once heated through, she dumps half into chocolate pie crust and
>informs us that we can get those ready made at the store. Really? You can buy
>those at the store? I never ever would have guessed! She takes some coffee ice
>cream from the freezer and puts it into the pie crust. Oddly enough, the ice
>cream is really soft for having just come out of the freezer. She then tells
us
>we can use other flavours of ice cream besides coffee for your mud pie. I
guess
>one could, but then it wouldn't be a MUD PIE if you did. Moron. Sandra quickly
>tells to skip the booze if kids are around, then adds another layer of ice
>cream to the pie. Why she doesn't just put it all into the pie at once
>mystifies me. In another Sandra stupid moment, she tells us we could use
>different flavours for the layers and shares with us that her grannie liked
>butter pecan ice cream. Once again, I am compelled to yell at the TV "It's not
>a mud pie if you use different flavours, bitch!". She puts the pie in the
>freezer and pulls out another pre-made one, drizzles the rest of the hot
>caramel on top of the ice cream pie, then puts it back into the freezer to
"set
>up". Yeah, hot caramel will do that to ice cream. She pulls out another pie
>that MV made and tries to slice it with a big-ass Michael Meyers knife, but
>suddenly decides to take the whole thing out when she can't cut out the slice.
>Moron. After struggling to remove a slice of pie, SLop demonstrates her skill
>that got her this gig when she deep throats a slice of the pie.
>
>When we return from commercial, we can tell by the graphic on the screen
>that it's now "Sandra's Cocktail Time!". SLop enters, stage right, with a
>couple bottles in her hand. Into a pitcher she pours in some mis-cueded "foley
>whiskey" (called that because the "glug glug" noise begins before the booze
>starts pouring out) and some other stuff while she says "I love tieing in my
>cocktails to the theme of the show and it makes the food taste better." Ah, so
>your secret IS to get the guests so blasted that they don't notice the crap
>you're serving them! Sandra gets a little too excited about that grenadine and
>claims that her drink is peach-colored. That is NOT a peach colored drink!
>Declaring they are as cute as her tablescape, she grabs her drink and heads
>over to the tablescape room.
>
>We fade into the dinning room with some seriously rocking music in the
>background. As usual, the music is too loud. Anyhow, the tablescape is rather
>tame, mostly consisting of gold, green, and purple votive candles littered on
>the table. This week, she folds giant napkins accordion style, recommending we
>iron them that way to save time, then uses a cheap party favour mask to hold
>the napkin together but the rubber band is not nearly taut enough to hold it
>together, so she quickly puts it down before it comes apart in her palsied
>hands. SLop gleefully announces she's going to show us how to make confetti
>bombs -- Quick, call homeland security! Fortunately, for the terror alert
>system, it turns out to be only confetti wrapped up in tissue paper. Like a
>retarded four year old, she shows us how to use it, namely by ripping it open
>and tossing the contents into air, yelling "Confetti EVERYWHERE!!". She pimps
>her website and closes out with the usual inane "Keep it..."'s.
>
>--
>WARNING!!!
>Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
>standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
>assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
>"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
>where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss Lee.
>