Well,the dead spread was a disappointment and the pastor thought he was
a stand up comic. I'm okay with a certain level of casual at funerals,
but I hate it when the presider tries to be funnier than I am. (No, I
did not speak at this send off.) The newly departed should be spinning
in her grave (I believe she's now there - or at least en route).

I want a sociological study about what's happened to decent funeral
food. On second thought, I think there's no point to such a study
except to fatten some university prof's budget. Fuhgeddaboutit. This
may be the worst side effect of The Women's Movement. Never mind the
disintegration of The Family Unit as we knew it. Encouraging women to
the workforce has degraded the quality of The Funeral Lunch. Feh!
Ptooey!

Instead of preparing Hotdish, Jell-O Salad, and Bars for the reception,
they're in an office writing briefs, proposals, sales plans, sexual
harassment policies, and marketing surveys. More's the pity.

The spread for Evelyn M consisted of ham and turkey roulades, buns, fake
cheese slices (yellow and white, cut into neat triangles that don't fit
anything), tasteless potato salad, black and green olives, bread &
butter pickles (limp), baby dills, potato chips, coffee, iced white
cake, nekkid angel food cake, and iced carrot cake from Sam's. Evie was
regarded as a fine cook ‹ this was an insult to her memory.

The judges awarded (OK, the judge awards) House of Prayer (ELCA) a 4 for
content and difficulty, and a 6 for presentation (they had flowers on
the serving table and the ham and turkey portions were rolled rather
than laid flat on the plates). Points were lost for mustard and mayo
in plastic packets. An award of merit was presented to HOP for
Excellence in Coffee.

St. Olaf Roman Catholic (downtown) gets 4 for content and difficulty,
and 4 for presentation. Pretty bad. No, really bad.

I can see that I'm going to have to be really specific about the lunch
served after my passing, Make a note: no paper sugar packets, no
condiments in little plastic tubes, and no plastic tublets of half and
half. Paper napkins are okay, but please use the china or crockery and
not paper and/styrofoam or plastic utensils. Ugh I get the shivers
thinking about it.

I sat down with the Funeral Director for this matine and asked him where
the best dead spreads get served around here and he was of absolutely no
help. The motorcycle escort, however, recommended I become a Jew ‹
their dead spreads are worthy of the name. I'm thinking, I'm thinking.
.. . .

Barb Schallerstein
--
http://www.jamlady.eboard.com