>2 years of spanish in a suburban minnesota high school have prepared me for nothing

I hear ya! I took 3 years of Spanish in school before my family and I
moved to San Jose Costa Rica back in '79... I went armed with how to
count, the months of the year, your basic body parts and oddly enough,
the basic car parts.

During our first dining out in a restaurant, when asked what I would
like to order, I said, "yes, i'll have two tires, a nose and January"
Kev