"Julia Altshuler" > wrote in message
. ..
> I've thought more about the question of what makes a fussy adult and how
> to deal with them. I've decided that the definition of fussy is someone
> who can't find anything to eat in a restaurant or social gathering or
> someone who can't be polite in those situations.

I'm with you on that. On the other hand, I firmly believe that adults should
be free to choose what to eat or not when they're dining somewhere, and when
we have people over, I always try to have choices available, should they
dislike something I've served. And I'll serve "family style" so if they
don't like tomatoes, they can avoid putting them on their plate when the
salad comes around. I'll usually have two salad dressings at the table, and
I'll serve two vegetables. Condiments will be left off for people to decide
which ones and how much.

While there is a very short list of things that I won't eat -- raisins,
coconut, and fish with small bones -- there are other things that while I
wouldn't gag or refuse to eat them, I'd prefer to politely decline. For
example, my MIL's "gravy" is basically flour browned and/or burnt in a dry
teflon pan, with water added. I would prefer not to have that on top of any
food. But sometimes she'll serve a roast, cut up, with the "gravy" poured
over the top. I don't make a fuss over it, I just try to choose a slice with
minimal gravy. Other things she serves, you get no choice. Salad, soup, and
dessert are just given to you. I tend not to like her desserts, so I've
learned that if I go into the kitchen when she's dishing it up, I can stop
her by saying that I'm really full. But otherwise, you get no choice about
getting the dessert or how much of it you get.

Worst example is a now-unrelated in-law who used to put raisins in the
meatballs she made with spaghetti. She served family-style, and I'd just
take the noodles, no meatballs. That was fine with me. If she was sitting
anywhere within arms reach of me, she'd take meatballs from the serving dish
and put them on my plate. If she wasn't close by, she'd tell someone else to
give me some meatballs. The only way I could eat those things was by
dissecting them to remove the raisins. I would have preferred to just not
take the meatballs.