OP.Aitken wrote:
> jake wrote:
>
>> Nancy Young wrote:
>>
>>> "jake" > wrote
>>>
>>>
>>>>> People who don't pay attention to that wind up being the
>>>>> ones bitched about who order expensive meals all the time
>>>>> then just split the bill with the others at the table, apparently
>>>>> unaware everyone is chipping in for their meal.
>>>>> nancy
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>> I have subsidised many nights out because I"ll eat one course rather
>>>> than 2 or 3 and because I don't drink alcohol most of the time. I
>>>> have found it difficult to express I thought it was too much to
>>>> expect from me.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> I understand that, and it's been a matter of discussion here many
>>> times. People should be aware when someone is ordering a lot
>>> less or that they are spending a lot more and should chip in
>>> accordingly. Somehow there are people oblivious to this.
>>>
>> Yes. It amazes me. But I am more money conscious people than most
>> people. It is simply beyond em that people can spend money without
>> thinking. My savings account makes me feel good. I suspect theirs don't.
>>
>
> People have all sorts of different attitudes about money and it's
> important for there to be mutual respect. Note the "mutual" - the frugal
> person has to respect the generous person as well as vice versa.

I believe I am both frugal and generous. Friends receive gifts for no
reason etc. I do think you need to consider each other's styles. And
when both can't be accommodated at the same time, find compromises or
alternatives. But there were always be situations where that doesn't
work entirely. I have seen people put poor people in expensive
situations. They stopped coming to certain gatherings. Not a good thing.
>
> We've had this problem come up with certain friends. We love them
> dearly, but they are not nearly as well off as we are and are much more
> penny-conscious. When we go to eat together, they are only willing to go
> to really cheap places where we find the food, service, and ambience to
> be dreadful. We would be happy to treat them at a nicer place but they
> refuse - misplaced pride I think. I understand where they are coming
> from but I would much prefer that they accept our genuine offer.
>

That sounds like a tricky situation. I think I would get away from
restaurants situations and replace it with home dinners, going to the
movies, hiking together, whatever.

> A lot of people have trouble accepting generosity. It's a shame, because
> offering generosity and accepting it are two sides of the same coin.

Beautifully said. Once, a friend accepted a dinner so gracefully it wasn
an aesthetic experience to me.
>
> Peter
>
> When you are on your death bed will you fondly remember your savings
> account? I think it would be better to fondly remember the times you
> were generous with your friends.
>
I think I can have it both ways My savings are not for dying, they
have value to me as we speak. They mean time, safety, freedom, and
having option, feeling independent. I like that.
I am aware such things can have very different meanings to others and
sometimes I wish I felt more at ease using their ways. But when I try
their ways, it doesn't have the desired effect. Maybe someday it will.