The show begins with Sandra wearing an oversized doily holding those flowers
she pilfered in the previous episode. She still has that nasty cold that make
her sound like Kirsty Allie (Oh, now THAT'S a pleasant thought...) and is
dragging a four foot high wicker hamper full of the raw materials needed to
make her concoctions. Who the hell does that? Wouldn't it be easier to make it
at home and THEN bring the finished goods to the picnic?

She starts by making the salad. At first, she's making three salads, then
suddenly one of the bowls vanishes. Run away, little salad! Fulfilling her duty
as spokesperson for the California Almond Council, she adds some almonds to the
salad instead of cashews.

She makes sandwiches, using an "adherent" to make it stick together. For visual
effect and flavor, she used a slice of wheat on the bottom and wonder bread on
the top. Most people take the lazy route and use swirled bread to do this. She
then slices the sandwiches into quarters diagonally but decides to not cut the
ends off.

Sandra tries to imitate Rachel Ray by grabbing an armload of food from her
wicker hamper o' food and struggles to get them to the table without rolling
off, giggling that her tomatoes are all over the place. No, I am NOT going to
make the obvious comment here. She struggles with slicing some bagellettes with
a non-serated knife and then gets a tub of mini-mozzerella balls and begins
slicing them into thin strips, telling us you'll have to slice a LOT of them to
cover the bread. Wouldn't it be easier to slice a large ball, or heaven forbid,
from a block so you don't have a gazillion little pieces sliding all over the
place? She uses a couple pre sliced pieces of procuitto, declaring it makes a
great sandwich meat.

She then works on her chicken salad, proudly displaying some "precooked chick
in" in what appears to be a plastic container one would use for Chinese soup.
She mixes cole slaw with mandarin oranges, then cuts up the chicken into tiny
tiny pieces and mixes it in, decanting the oil the mozzarella was packed in to
pull the flavors together.

For desert, she takes a store-bought pound cake from what I think she called a
"rain can" and slices off the top and gouges out a canal. Hmm, I'm disappointed
she didn't use an angel food cake but it's been awhile since she gouged a cake
canal, so I'm happy. She mixes a jar of lemon curd with some Cool Whip from
another plastic Chinese soup container, telling us not to overstir it or it
will deflate, but I know better. For some strange reason, she mentions to not
use the stuff from a spray can because it won't hold up to being stirred (no
doubt because it contains dairy product and might actually taste good). I have
a feeling she learned this the hard way... She fills her cake trough with the
adulterated Cool Whip and replaces the top, then mixes the rest of the Cool
Whip with powdered sugar, frozen lemonade, and lemon jello. I don't see how
this will work as a frosting, until she tells us to drizzle it over the cake,
which she does, until all the frosting has been poured onto the cake. Lovely.
Sandra then struggles to move the cake to a cake pedestal and then tells us to
pull the spatula out of the back of the round cake. Thank goodness for telling
me that! I'd have just left it there all day otherwise! Sandra then tops the
cake with the pilfered flowers, reminding us to remove them before serving
because they're inedible -- does she mean the flowers or the cake?

When we return from commercial, we can tell by the graphic on the screen that
it's now "Sandra's Cocktail Time!". SLop is now holding a bottle of champagne
and opens it with a whoot. Into a pitcher she adds some frozen lemonade and a
little bit of shaken up seltzer water. I swear her crew shakes up those bottles
to make her look stupid, which she does. She tops of the pitcher with the
champagne and adds some crushed lemon drops she found in her car. When she
pours it into the glasses, the first one is mostly pulp. She quickly tries to
claim that pulp in a drink is a good thing, but I'm not convinced.

Sandra declares that her picnic-scape is based on poetry and Shakespeare, which
sounds interesting, until the camera pulls back to reveal it in all its glory,
at which point I am stunned. WTF? WTF?!?!? She dragged out a dinning room table
and used a tapestry for a table cloth and dragged out a pair of big fancy
apolstered recliners for sitting/reclining. On the table, she used faux metal
plates and gushed that you can eat "right on top of them". I was seriously too
stunned to take the rest in, but she apparently ripped out pages from a poetry
book as napkin decorations and hung a chandelier of Liberace proportions from
gawd knows where. She then tells us she has to run off to 'freshen up" and
exits stage left with a wave.

--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss Lee.