Subject: Irish jokes
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Paddy, the famous Irishman, is driving home after downing a few at the
local pub. He turns a corner and much to his horror he sees a tree in
the middle of the road. He swerves to avoid it and almost too late
realizes that there is yet another tree directly in his path.

He swerves again and discovers that his drive home has turned into a
slalom course, causing him to veer from side to side to avoid all the
trees.

Moments later he hears the sound of a police siren and brings his car to
a stop. The officer approaches Paddy's car and asks him what on earth he
was doing. Paddy tells his story of the trees in the road when the
officer stops him mid sentence and says,**
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"Fer crissakes, Paddy, that's yer air freshener!"**
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An Irishman, Englishman and Scotsman go into a pub and each order a pint
of Guinness. Just as the bartender hands them over, three flies buzz
down and one lands in each of the pints.

The Englishman looks disgusted, pushes his pint away and demands another
pint.

The Scotsman picks out the fly, shrugs, and takes a long swallow. The
Irishman reaches in to the glass, pinches the fly between his fingers
and shakes him while yelling, "Spit it out, ya little *******! Spit it
out!"**
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An Irish Fight
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Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run
over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is broken, his face is
cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.

"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.

"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.

"That little sod, O'Conner," says Sean, "he couldn't do that to you, he
must have had something in his hand."

"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible
lickin' he gave me with it."

"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself. Didn't you have
something in your hand?"

"That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing of beauty
it was, but useless in a fight."**
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Irish Miracle**
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An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the
city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the
road. A cop pulls him over.

"So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?"**
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"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.**
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"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink
this evening."**
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"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.**
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"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and holding his arms
across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of
your car?"**
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"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd
gone deaf."**
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Irish Predicament**
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Drunk, Ole Mulvihill (From the Northern Irish Clan) staggers into a
Catholic Church, enters a confessional box, sits down but says nothing.

The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the Ole just sits
there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.

The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side
either.**
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Irish Last Request**
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Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady's after his Sunday morning
service, and she's in tears. He says, "So what's bothering you, Mary, my
dear?"

She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My husband passed away
last night."

The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell me, did he have any
last requests?"

She says, "That he did, Father..."

The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"

She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn gun!'"**
--
Peace, Om.

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch." -Jack Nicholson