Thanks for all the answers to my question about servers interupting
conversation to ask if everything is alright. I'm answering everyone in
this one post rather than going through with 20 separate posts answering
individually.

Some of you asked what sort of restaurant is was. I was talking
particularly about CPK (California Pizza Kitchen), which is, admittedly,
not fine dining, but the problem has shown itself in every restaurant I
can afford eating in even restaurants considerably nicer than CPK.
There's an exception. When we got the chance to visit France several
years ago, I loved the service in the restaurants. I'd heard about the
French garcon reputation for being snooty, but I didn't find it to be
true at all. Whether the restaurant was quite nice or very informal,
every meal had this wonderful, relaxed, feel about it because the wait
staff left us alone to eat. I've found that also to be true in New York
city.

Some of you gave me a choice between being interrupted while conversing
or not being able to find servers when they're needed. When you put it
that way, the interruption is preferable, but I think that's an unfair
choice. It doesn't have to be one extreme or the other, and I don't
believe getting it right requires supernatural mind reading powers. I'm
asking for common sense. The customers have ordered. They're half
through their meals. They're engaged in lively conversation. The
server comes to the table to fill water glasses. Common sense would
suggest that if the customers needed something, they'd ask the server
for it at that point without the server having to interrupt with the "is
everything O.K." question.

I'm seriously considering the suggestion to tell the server what my
definition of good service is when I sit down. "Hi, my idea of good
service is where you assume that I can read the menu for myself rather
than pointing out your suggestions to me, take the order, bring the
food, fill the water glass as needed and leave alone until you see that
we've stopped eating." I'm trying to practice that in my mind until it
sounds nice, rather than rude. I'll let you know it goes if/when I try it.

(Oh, and some of you need reading comprehension help, but I'm too polite
to point out that I got insults flung at me because the insulter hadn't
read and understood what I wrote in the first place.)

--Lia