I recall having to cancel my attendance at a VERY expensive wedding and
formal dinner reception at a Chicago hotel after I had RSVP'd (on time)
my plan to attend and only 4 days before the wedding. My father died
suddenly and I simply could not go, so I telephoned the mother of the
bride immediately explaining the circumstance and followed it with a
note of apology. Frankly, I didn't know what else to do, and was very
pleased to get a very nice note of sympathy from the bride's family
about a week later.


Sharon wrote:
> This is slightly off topic, but I've seen you guys discuss manners here
> before, and I know many of you also entertain, so I want your opinions. In a
> nutshell: people who expect to drop in at a party or cancel at the last minute
> drive me NUTS.
> Case in point 1: I've been married twice, and planned my own lovely
> weddings both times. Although both were relatively small, I hired caterers, so
> sent RSVP's with the invitations in order to have a firm headcount. Both times
> I had people who showed up after not sending an RSVP, and people who RSVP'ed in
> the affirmative but didn't show up. (And no, they didn't balance out.)
> After the first time (seeing a few $30 plates of food go to waste), I
> thought I'd get smart. I did the second wedding buffet-style and had 23
> positive RSVP's so I told the caterer that the headcount was 27. So it was
> quite embarrassing when the last few people turned away from the buffet table
> and realized that all the tables were full: no more chairs or cutlery! I
> discovered that all 30 people we'd invited showed up.
> Case in point 2: After the "event coordinator" for a social club I
> belong to suddenly quit, I stepped into the job. Mostly it's fine. But there
> are a few people who expect to be able to come to our events with *hours*
> notice or to cancel the same way. It seems like no matter how much I politely
> tell people that we need to have headcounts to calculate food quantity, chairs,
> canoes, etc, there are those who just don't get it. We had one canoe trip
> where a lady showed up with hours notice but I wasn't warned, and we found
> ourselves short one canoe and life vest.
> I expressed my annoyance, privately to the club board, and they
> made it seem like I was just a fussy stink-pot. Actually I just tried to
> politely remind them that I needed *advance notice*, and that I felt we owed
> one man a refund because he was relegated to 3rd wheel status in a canoe with a
> couple. (Two man canoes, and everybody pays for half a canoe.)
> This week I got an email from a lady about a trip this coming weekend.
> She said she might not be able to come, and would that be a problem. I wrote
> back saying "wow, I didn't know you were coming because I never got your signup
> email, so the answer is no it's not a problem". (True, I was having spam
> filter problems at the time and never got her request.) She wrote back and
> said she's not cancelling, she just wanted to know if it was a problem IF she
> cancelled. WTF? Make up your mind?
> At any rate, am I the only person who feels embarrassed when my guests
> are shorted food or equipment because of logistic errors? Even my club-mates
> who don't have such bad manners seem to take other's bad manners in stride and
> don't seem at all bothered. I had to *convince* the board that we owed that
> man a refund. Is it just me?
>
> - Sharon
> "Gravity... is a harsh mistress!"