Oooh, new ep! If only my sinuses weren't imploding... well, onward and
downward...

SLop's theme this week is sppsd to be "casino night", but considering who is
doing the cooking, Russian Roulette is more accurate.

Apparently SLop finally got around to insulting pizza-lovers everywhere this
week. She began by showing us a decoration she put in her faux kitchen window.
Sorry, but that Christmas wreath with a bunch of crap you found in your gaming
room, including a pair of fuzzy dice, looks almost as stupid as the Cocktail
Xmas Tree. Almost.

SLop made a chicken ceasar salad pizza by putting some chicken tenders onto a
cutting board and slicing them into strips, then "marinading" them in about
half a container of creamy ceasar salad dressing for about a minute at most,
not even long enough to be a marinade, really, and the rest into a measuring
cup for later. Naturally, SLop forgot the "Me washies handsies!" bit and
potentially cross-contaminated a couple bowls, some tongs, a couple heads of
Romaine lettuce, and other assorted items as she prepared the salad pizza. She
plopped the gooped-up chicken into a frying pan (I think she told us in an
awkward post-production voice-over that the pan didnt require oil). I noticed
that some of the pieces were cooked while others still looked raw when she
flipped the pieces with a pair of tongs.

SLop told us to slice the ends off a couple heads of Romaine lettuce while
cutting them in half and nearly lost a few fingers while roughly chopping the
remaining lettuce, telling us to chop it fine, "like lace".

FINALLY, about 15 minutes later, SLop had her "Me washie handsies!" moment,
right before cutting some beef. Gah!

When we return from commercial, SLop enters stage left clutching a bottle of
booze in each hand and giddily announces "It's cocktail time! Best time of the
day!", but sadly, there is no accompanying pop-up graphic. This week's boozey
drink is Coco-hitos? Coco-hito? WTF? SLop uses a can of coconut cream that
looks totally curdled! Does it normally look like that? Grabbing two glasses
of her dubious drink, SLop gushes about the wonderful tablescape she made for
gaming night and exits stage left, pauses, then enters the same room from
stage left! Who the hell plays cards with ones friends in his kitchen? SLop
does, that's who.

Miracuously, the island in the kitchen appears to have been replaced with a
card table (Our she-lush has been BUSY!) that is so crapped up with stuff that
there is no way in hell anyone seated at it can play poker. SLop demonstrates
that she recycles (but not in the way it normally means) by showing us a
centerpice she made from a glass bowl and Xmas ornaments with a plate perched
on top. SLop tries to convince us she's going to get everyone's chips at the
game later, but I seriously doubt she could win a game with her as the only
player. For place holders, she wrote people's names on cards and stuck them on
sticks. She explains that she used the four of hearts for her brother Rich
because he was the fourth child (no, that's not particuarly clever) but fails
to explain her choice of four of spades for "Tom". Before signing off, SLop
tells us she's giving all her guests two decks of playing cards so they can
play cards without her. Hmm...

--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss Lee.