kilikini wrote:
> jmcquown wrote:
>> Sheldon wrote:
>>> Dan Abel wrote:
>>>>
>>>> The first question that pops into my mind when I hear someone
>>>> complaining about their ex is, "Then why did you marry this
>>>> person?".
>>>
>>> Only a loser would think to ask such a dumb question.
>>>
>>> A much smarter question is to ask someone why they stay married to
>>> such a loser.
>>>
>>> Sheldon
>>
>> Not to mention, people change. I'm certainly not the same person I
>> was in my 20's. But sometimes (skyhooks can back me up on this!) a
>> person is very good at hiding what they are really like until after
>> the wedding. It's almost like the marriage license gives them
>> license to turn into a jackass
>>
>> Jill
>
> Isn't that the truth, Jill! When I married my ex, it's like I became
> his personal property to do with as he chose

Um, maybe that was your perception or his perception. That certainly wasn't
the case. The idea of 'chattel' has been way out of fashion for many years.
Maybe you chose thought it was normal; I certainly didn't.

> - and we had been
> together for years and were friends for about 10 years before that!
> He chose to treat me like a secretary and call me a certain name
> every day. Then, when he finally dumped me, he told me he never
> loved me, but married me because I had a good head for business.
> *His* business was doing fine and he didn't need my free labor
> anymore. After pulling me across the floor by my hair and punching
> me in the face, we were done.
>
Obviously that would have been the logical course of action. No man was
ever allowed to put a hand on me in anger. The one time he shoved me I got
out of there and never went back except to collect my things (accompanied by
other people). He proceeded to throw furniture around like that was going
to solve anything. A neighbor friend called the cops and they made sure I
was escorted back to my parents' house. I will *never* be someone's
"chattel". Ever. Sorry, but I'm not that old testament.

> What a nice guy! And I still moped for months! I don't know if I
> moped more over the feeling of marriage failure or for the loss of
> what I thought was a lifetime career. Thankfully, I got lucky this
> time around and married a very supportive man.
>
> kili

I'm very sorry you moped. I just felt great relief. I don't *need* a man
in my life to make me feel complete. I had him tossed in jail when he
wouldn't give up even a year and a half after the divorce of trying to get
me back. I didn't lose weight, didn't gain weight. I was under a lot of
stress waiting for his trial for harrassing me, following me, destroying my
property and threatening me. I sure didn't change my eating habits because
of him. Didn't mope, didn't get depressed. I was free.

Jill