On Jul 14, 4:34 am, wrote:
>
> On Jul 13, 3:59 pm, Brookski "xolodilnik" > wrote:
>
> > "captain." > wrote in message
>
> > > "xolodilnik" > wrote in message
> > ...
>
> > >> Russian cuisine is in the same league as Canadian,
>
> > > up here we eat the exact same crap that you do [in USA]
>
> > You kiddin' me cap?
> > I'll be driving the neighbors crazy tomorrow morning with the smell of fresh
> > baked bread. I just haven't decided whether to do sweet dough with cinnamon
> > and raisins or maybe somethin' else.
>
> > You can find just about any cuisine anywhere in the USA... but not Russian.
> > Italian and Mexican are of course favorites
> > but you can find Indian, Thai, Vietnamese, etc, etc, etc.
>
> [Being from a California metropolis,] I shudder to imagine what these 5 terms mean to you in Appalachia.
>
I just realized that in Appalachia, the term "foreigner" refers to
somebody who swings from a different family tree.
Family trees in Appalachia don't branch.
A family reunion is considered to be the best way to meet chicks.
"Mixed marriage" denotes any union between people of different sexes.
And "foreign affairs" means dating women who have never attended any
of your family reunions.
People with red necks also tell me that "Volvo" is a holy part of
female anatomy, while the word "genitalia" denotes a Sicilain
airline.
Here are some mo
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http://www.fortogden.com/foredneck.html
(Most of these Redneck Jokes can be attributed to Jeff Foxworthy)
You may be a Redneck if ...
You think Sherlock Holmes is a housing project down in Biloxi.
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
Your state's got a new law that says when a couple get divorced, they
still legally remain brother and sister.
Your house still has the "WIDE LOAD" sign on the back.
You think there's nottin wrong with incest as long as you keep it in
the family.
You think safe sex is a padded headboard.
You and your dog use the same tree.
You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen,
start your engines."
You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law.
You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl'.
Your front porch collapses and four dogs git killed.
Your grandfather died and left everything to his widow.
But she can't touch it until she's fourteen.
You know yer a redneck when you take a load to the dump and bring back
more than you took
You can get dog hair from out of your belly button.
The blue book value of your truck goes up and down
depending on how much gas it has in it.
The third grade teacher says you could be a mathematical genius
because you've got thirteen fingers.
You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge
(xolodilnik)
Your house doesn't have curtains, but your truck does.
You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
You believe that beef jerky and Moon Pies are two of the major food
groups.
You stare at an orange juice container because it says,
"CONCENTRATE".
You couldn't learn to swim because your gene pool is too small.
You think a turtleneck is a key ingredient in a Vietnamese soup.
You think the French Riviera is a foreign car.
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it
You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.
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>
> > Italian and Mexican [foods] are of course favorites
>
I know. You love bubble baths:
>
> > I must have farted and saw multiple Karlamov's in the bubbles.
>
Do you think TACO BELL is the Mexican Phone Company?
>
> > but you can find Indian, Thai, Vietnamese, etc, etc, etc.
>
Do they serve the Vietnamese turtleneck soup?
At what speed do you think hitting a 'possum becomes fast food: at 55
mph or 65 mph?
Congratulations: you've got all the needed qualifications to become
America's next President:
////////////////////////
http://www.fortogden.com/foredneck.html
You may be a Redneck if ...your father executes the "pull my finger"
trick during Christmas dinner.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2006/0...he-first-f_n_2...
US News & World Report | Paul Bedard | August 21, 2006
Animal House in the West Wing
Now we're learning that the first frat boy loves flatulence jokes.
President Bush is a funny, earthy guy who can't get enough of fart
jokes. He's also known to cut a few for laughs, especially when
greeting new young aides
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