In article >,
T > wrote:

> I don't necesarily want to kill spammers. I just want to persecute them.
>
> Seriously, I'd love to put together an elite team composed of financial
> auditors, detectives, and others with skills useful to
> prosecute/persecute spammers.

How to get rid of telemarketers...

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed
for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do
you want to know?" Alternately, you can tell them, "I'm so glad you
asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these
problems; my arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my car
won't start..." When they try to get to the sell, just keep talking
about your problems.

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell
their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where
it is located. Continue asking them personal questions or
questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. This works great if you are male: Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy
and I'm with XYZ Company..." You: (Wait for a second) With a real husky
voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have
you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror
as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

6. Say "No", over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and
keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. This is most
fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and
Friends Plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can, "I don't have
any friends...would YOU be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get blood out?
Can you get out GOAT blood? How about HUMAN blood?

9. ASK HIM/HER TO MARRY you. When they get all flustered, tell them
that you could not just give your credit card number to a complete
stranger.

10. Tell the telemarketer that you work for the same company, they
often can't sell to their fellow employees.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a telemarketer, set
the receiver down, shout or scream "Oh my God!!!" and then hang-up.

12. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if
they will give you their HOME phone number, you will call them back.
When the telemarketer explains that they cannot give out
their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you
at home, right?" The telemarketer will agree and you say, "Now you know
how I feel!" Hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, BUT ask if they would please hold. Put
them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure.
Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

15. Tell the telemarketer you are on "home incarceration"and ask if
they could bring you some beer.

16. Tell the telemarketer, "Okay, I will listen to you. But I should
probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

17. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke.
"Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

18. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to
speakup...louder... louder... louder...

19. Tell them to talk VERY
SLOWLY, because you want to write DOWN EVERY WORD
--
Peace, Om

Remove _ to validate e-mails.

"My mother never saw the irony in calling me a Son of a bitch" -- Jack Nicholson