Lemon Tarts

A few years ago I went to a Jehovah Witness funeral in Prince Albert
Saskatchewan, it was the funeral of a Jehovah Witness who shot himself. The
food was really good except for the lemon tarts. There were several types of
pies, lots and lots of cheese (and different types of cheeses), there were
beverages of assorted types, and there was even fruit. I was overjoyed to
find lemon tarts but my joy quickly turned to sadness as these lemon tarts
were the worst lemon tarts that I ever tasted, they were not only bitter and
sour, but they were rubbery as well. But I did not let the lemon tarts spoil
the funeral, this JW funeral was one of the best funerals I ever attended as
there was a huge amount of food, and except for the lemon tarts, the food
was really good. And there were nubile sweeties at the funeral. Generally
you will find nubile sweeties in the greatest abundance when the funeral is
for a high school student. It doesn't matter if the student was male or
female, the nubile sweeties come out to the funeral regardless of the sex of
the deceased. That's the best kind of funeral, A) when there is lots of
food, B) when there are nubile sweeties present in great abundance, and C)
when the priest or pastor says hilarious things that make you laugh, such as
"Only God knows why little Johnny died." But I know why little Johnny died,
it's in the Bible in Exodus 20:5 (the parents value traditions in place of
God and His Commandments, and God rewards their apostasy by the removal of
their children). And so, since nubile sweeties are found in greatest
abundance at the funerals of high school students, then it is the funerals
of high school students that make the very very best funerals, especially if
there is food. I just wish there was more and better lemon tarts. And I've
never found pumpkin pie at a funeral but I would very much like to eat
pumpkin pie at some poor slob's funeral. I stuff my face (and my pockets)
with all the good food and look at all the pretty nubile sweeties and have
the time of my life, but I have to scratch my head and wonder why the fellow
would shoot himself, he's missing out on all the good food. There are
interstink people to talk to, there are pretty nubile sweeties to look at,
there is good food to eat, there are humorous preachers to listen to... but
the fellow isn't alive to partake in the festivities, he's missing out on
life!!! Maybe the Jehovah Witness was some kind of JW prophet, he knew that
the lemon tarts were to be no damn good, and so he shot himself. That's what
I think about JW's and anybody else who shoot themselves, they are simply
missing out on life. Perhaps if the JW women would make better lemon tarts
then the JW men would be less apt to shoot themselves, I predict. The JW
women are spending too much time on street corners trying to flog their
crappy magazines when they should be at home learning how to make proper
lemon tarts. In all fairness I guess most people would shoot themselves if
they knew ahead of time that the lemon tarts at their funerals were to be
bitter and rubbery, it is not a problem that just plagues the Jehovah
Witness community. Anyway, I like pumpkin pie and I wish you people would
inform me ahead of time if there is goink to be pumpkin pie at your
funerals. For example, you can send me a letter saying that you intend to
shoot yourself because you are some sort of prophet who knows in advance
that the lemon tarts at your funeral are to be no damn good, but that I
should come anyway because there will be pumpkin pie, or some damn thing
like that. -Daryl S. Kabatoff

"Daryl S. Kabatoff" > lurched drunkenly into the group
and rudely farted the following noxious cloud:

> For example, you can send me a letter saying that you intend to
> shoot yourself because you are some sort of prophet who knows in advance
> that the lemon tarts at your funeral are to be no damn good, but that I
> should come anyway because there will be pumpkin pie, or some damn thing
> like that. -Daryl S. Kabatoff-Documented pedophile and famous
> penis worshiper.

Did you know scumbag? That literally thousands are praying daily that
you'll finally do the right thing and "shoot yourself" without delay.
Or drink a Drano cocktail, or jump off a cliff, whatever's your
choice. Do it.


<<<snipped a lot of psycho crap from Shawn "pedophile-boy" Kabatoff>>>


The following (courtesy of Waxy.org) is sort of an unofficial "FAQ"
explaining the psychotic nonsense posted to Usenet by Shawn Daryl
Kabatoff AKA "Dar", AKA "Probababbilities". And now AKA "marcia and
me".

WARNING: Read below before even thinking about responding to this
twit.

http://www.waxy.org/archive/2002/05/...a.shtml#000643


Usenet has the tendency to provide a public forum for those who would
normally be scribbling in a closet. For example, take Daryl "Shawn"
Kabatoff. For the last few years, he's methodically gathered
"statistics" from various sources, ranging from local newspaper
obituary pages to the food court of the Saskatoon Midtown Plaza mall.
With all the raw data he's collected, he's attempting to prove daily
that our full names are in "mathematical harmony" with our birthdays.
His rants normally focus on a single individual he's met or read
about, starting with calculations related to their birthdate and full
names, blending in whatever other personal information about their
family members, spouses, birthplace, and career he's been able to
glean. From there, it descends into a mix of numerology, religious
zealotry, and personal torment. I've never seen anything like it.
With all the prime numbers, Fibonacci sequences and biblical
references, it's like reading the notebooks of Maximillian Cohen and
John Nash combined. Unsurprisingly, several posts unfold to reveal a
history of painful mental illness. If you have some time, take a look.
I've detailed his posting history and a several sample posts below.

Usenet Posting History:

January 27, 1999 to July 5, 2000 as

December 9, 2000 to May 4, 2001 as

Oct 30, 2001 to Oct 31, 2001 as

January 20, 2002 to April 17, 2002 as (original
posts have been

removed from Google Groups archive)

April 26, 2002 to Present as

Selected Posts:
Tessa Lynne Smith
Dastageer Sakhizai and Helen Smith
Brett David Maki
Andrew Meredith Cotton
Kathryn Lee Hipperson
Amanda Dawn Newton
Mona Marie Etcheverry
Tony Peter Nuspl
Lisa Charlene McMillan
Grant Allyn Wood

Comments
scarier still is that saskatoon is my hometown, though not my current
residence. and every single place he's mentioned in his posts (most
notably nervous harold's and the roastary) were either places i've
been (as it's a small city of 200K) or hangouts, ie. the two places
mentioned. chances are i could email some friends back home and find
out if they know of him, they (my friends that is) being of the
broadway-centred slacker ilk. myself, too, until i got out of there.
eh, anyways. thought it odd to see all this. midtown mall. i ate my
meals there, whilst waiting several days in line for star wars episode
one, at the theatre across the street.
posted by andy raad on May 22, 2002 06:20 PM

Fascinating. It's like he's trying to take chaos and bind it into
whatever rules he can find, religious, logical and otherwise. Numbers
and math have a reliable pattern, something that can always be proven
to true or false. People and religion do not. It reminds me of Darren
Aronofsky's movie Pi. It's the story of an paraniod genius who is
trying to find a pattern in Pi. A group that takes interest in his
work is convinced that the existence of Pi, a number whose existence
can be proven but no quantified, is proof of the existence of God.
Kabatoff's hunt for patterns in something as random as name selection
is a way to reconcile his deeply logical thought process with his
conflicting religious views.
posted by matt on May 23, 2002 11:19 AM

Exactly. I probably shouldn't have, but I e-mailed Daryl yesterday,
asking him if he'd be willing to create a numerological analysis for
me. I also asked him if he had seen either Pi or A Beautiful Mind, and
what he thought of them. If he replies, I'll be sure to post it.
posted by Andy Baio on May 23, 2002 11:24 AM

I baked many pumpkin pies for Shawn (he likes pumpkin pies). I rubbed
pumpkin pie all over my breasts for him, and my breasts turned orange.
I am a pumpkin for Shawn.
posted by Trisha Blondie on July 24, 2002 10:41 PM

Um, that's swell. So, you're in love with him?
posted by Andy Baio on July 25, 2002 07:10 AM

Shawn once went to a funeral for a Jehovah Witness that shot himself
and the lemon tarts were very bad, they were not only sour but were
rubbery as well. Shawn said that the guy was some kind of Jehovah
Witness prophet, he saw in advance that the lemon tarts at his funeral
were to be very very bad, and so he shot himself. Shawn said that he
never ate pumpkin pie at a funeral but would like to some day. Shawn
likes pumpkin pie and so I have been practicing to make very good
pumpkin pies.
posted by Trisha Blondie on July 25, 2002 02:49 PM

Shawn said that the lemon tarts were sour, bitter and rubbery.
posted by Trisha Blondie on July 30, 2002 12:32 AM

I don't think this guy takes notes. I think he has Total Recall, and
it has driven him insane...
posted by Todd Smith on December 26, 2002 11:00 AM

Oh... I almost forgot... I didnt spend thousands of dollars a day
tormenting Daryl... We got a deal on tormenting that fiscal year, it
only came to about 37cents a day....
posted by Dr Claw on December 30, 2002 01:56 AM

Mr. Kabatoff attempts to portray himself as a victim, but in fact he
is a violent predatory pedophile who is well known to his local law
enforcement. In his post to multiple newsgroups with the subject
"Collecting Mail For The Coming Anti-Christ", he encourages mothers to
send him photos of their naked daughters. Mr Kabatoff explains, "I
personally did not want photographs being mailed to (the coming
Ant-Christ) that were of underage children unless the parent was
signing consent." He is banned from virtually all the shopping malls
in his community because he stalks young people and sexually harasses
them. He has an extensive arrest record which includes sexual
molestation charges. He's been hospitalized in mental institutions
several times because he likes to accost "nubile cuties." He writes
about his contact with young girls in many posts. Search newsgroup
archives for posts by him containing the word "nubile". As part of his
harrassment, he provides personal details in a public forum, such as
the real names of real children, in these and other posts. About one
girl he met at a mall, he writes, "I wanted Callie in my bed or I
wanted her and her sister dead."
http://groups.google.com/groups?q=Da....dfncis.de&rnu
He not only curses children and prays for their death in his posts, he
also enjoys attending the funerals of young people: "And so, since
nubile sweeties are found in greatest abundance at the funerals of
high school students, then it is the funerals of high school students
that make the very very best funerals, especially if there is food...
I stuff my face (and my pockets) with all the good food and look at
all the pretty nubile sweeties and have the time of my life..
..http://groups.google.com/groups?q=Da...le+sex&hl=en&l
r=&ie=UTF-8&scoring=d&selm=LfXN8.63042%24R53.25142039%40twis ter.socal.rr.
com&rnum=1
Many of his posts are sent to alt.teens.advice. However, he liberally
spams, floods and crossposts his off-topic threatening and offensive
missives to countless newsgroups. Some people HAVE problems and some
folks ARE problems. Don't dismiss Mr. Kabatoff as a harmless nut. When
he sends these posts to any newgroup, please help by reporting him to
his ISP. Thanks.
posted by nospam on January 5, 2003 04:39 AM

I knew of him when I was attending the University of Saskatchewan.
He'd hang out in the Arts computer lab and all you'd see is screens of
numbers racing by on his laptop. I have an original copy of his
"Collecting Mail for the Coming Anti-Christ" pamphlet, and have seen
him be hauled away by campus security on more than one occasion. My
friends and I refer to him as "Crazy Number Man".
posted by Mr. Somebody on April 10, 2003 11:09 AM

I've been posting to (and about) Shawn for over two years with big
gaps in between. He has seen Pi and didn't like it and didn't think it
resembled him at all. (Wrong, it fits him to a tee) He doesn't have
total recall and has stated that he travels with a lap top to notate
items. Also, he uses "cut n' paste" a lot if you read all the way
through his ramblings. He is anti-social as shown by his angry
statements towards those who, by his own admission, have been kind
(but not kind enough) to him. Still, he's intelligent and seems to be
able to "take a joke" on occassion. That's where I came in.
posted by Gambol on May 19, 2003 02:22



ALOHA

Reply to group
(Unsolicited e-mail is deleted from the server unread
if it comes from anyone not already in my addressbook.
I'll never even see it)

In can.general Thomas > wrote:

> Did you know scumbag? That literally thousands are praying daily that
> you'll finally do the right thing and "shoot yourself" without delay.
> Or drink a Drano cocktail, or jump off a cliff, whatever's your
> choice. Do it.

Shawn may be many things, but none of them deserve having death wished upon
him.



--
.................................................. ............................

Truth is always the enemy of power. And power the enemy of truth.

.................................................. ............................
http://www.memeticcandiru.com

"Thomas" > wrote in message
om...
<snip>

James Takayama posted libel against me using the name
"nospam", now he frequently quotes this libel using
the name "Thomas." -Daryl S. Kabatoff
HALOHA

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

See Hebrews 4, here is New Testament Scripture
in chapter 4 telling us to remember to honor God's 4th
Commandment. The pre-incarnate Jesus created
heaven and earth and provided us with the Ten
Commandments. Then He came to earth in human form
and abided by His Ten Commandments. Then He was
crucified on the 6th day of the week, RESTED in the
tomb on the 7th day of the week, then rose on the first
day of the week to resume His ministry (His WORK).
He rose on a Sunday to resume His work while the
filthy churches teach you that His rising on a Sunday
changes His day of rest to Sunday.

Let us strive to enter that rest and honor what God
desires that we honor rather than continue to strive
to hold onto the things that our are important to
our friends, family and ourselves. -Daryl S. Kabatoff

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *