Date: 05-31-2009

Time: 06:45 AM

Weight: 21.8 pounds

Number of turds: Huge gelatinous blob that exploded out of my rectum,
filled the bowl, and ran out all over the floor. I had to take a
shower after my bowel movement.

Consistency: Like melted jello with various sized chunks of differing
consistencies

Color: Black

Odor: A cross between hot sulfur and burnt rubber.

Previous day's intake: Dried apricots, fried eggs, boiled eggs, brown
beans, chili, corn, cabbage, prunes, banana bread, several loaves of
rye bread, bacon, beef roast, a package of chocolate exlax, and a pint
of caster oil.

Comments: The plumber who I had to pay double rate to come in on a
Sunday Morning had quite a chip on his shoulder over the odor. Yes,
shit stinks, but as a plumber he should be accustomed to smelling
other people's shit and keeping his big yap shut about the alleged
stench. The prick, he handles other people's shit for a living who
the hell does he think he is to complain about my shit? At least the
only shit I handle is mine.

An interesting side note: I saw Mohammad's face in the excrement,
right before the plumber's snake opened up the bowl. Too bad I
couldn't snap a photograph, I could have sold it on eBay.