In article 1>,
"Michael \"Dog3\" Lonergan" > wrote:

> Melba's Jammin' > news:barbschaller-
> :
>
>
> Barb to Margaret:
> >
> > Things are becoming clearer: Is this the reason that when you entertain
> > 10 people, you provide enough food for 35 "just in case"? "-)
>
> LOLOL... Never will I forget the spread she put out for that brunch a
> couple of years ago. IIRC, after all the guests were gone, you ate well
> until you flight departed a few days later.
>
> Michael

You're making that sound like everyone else did not go home with
pouches, bags, and packages of the excess, Sweetums. Some planned to
travel light to so the return trip from wouldn't be so unwieldy. I know
these people. LOL!
--
-Barb, Mother Superior, HOSSSPoJ
http://web.mac.com/barbschaller
http://jamlady.eboard.com

Melba's Jammin' wrote:

> You're making that sound like everyone else did not go home with
> pouches, bags, and packages of the excess, Sweetums. Some planned to
> travel light to so the return trip from wouldn't be so unwieldy. I know
> these people. LOL!

I went to Zabar's and loaded up on cheeses, various olives and bread
before my flight home. The olives were hoarded and preciously divvied
out once home. We also went to H&H for a few dozen bagels for SueEllen's
co-workers to enjoy. Our carry on bags smelled great

In article .com>,
"Mary" > wrote:

> I recall having to cancel my attendance at a VERY expensive wedding and
> formal dinner reception at a Chicago hotel after I had RSVP'd (on time)
> my plan to attend and only 4 days before the wedding. My father died
> suddenly and I simply could not go, so I telephoned the mother of the
> bride immediately explaining the circumstance and followed it with a
> note of apology. Frankly, I didn't know what else to do, and was very
> pleased to get a very nice note of sympathy from the bride's family
> about a week later.

That falls into the realm of acceptable behavior in Miss Manners' world.
There are about two reasons for not showing after you've said you would.
One requires that you be in a four-sided rectangular box with a hinged
cover.

--
-Barb, Mother Superior, HOSSSPoJ
http://web.mac.com/barbschaller
http://jamlady.eboard.com

There are too many posts to answer and I cannot sit on the desk chair
for that long (my broken hip). Therefore, I will try to answer you
all in this post.

This dinner/bridge game took place in the 1960's, long before I moved
to my current apartment. I wished then and still do now, that the
invited couple had telephoned and asked whether I had any objections
if they brought another couple. I would not have refused such a
request and there would have been time to rearrange the table setting
and the food. As for the bridge game, that was the incentive for
making the meal, but I would have let the others play.

One good thing came out of that miserable dinner: I never again
prepared a meal for guests, that did not have enough in reserve for
seconds. Or thirds. I now prepare a roast or a Gulasch or something
that can feed easily twice as many as are actually at the dinner table.

If I invite a larger number of guests, I make it an Open House Buffet,
where I will not be dismayed if more or less than expected show up.
For some unknown reason, it is almost impossible to get a correct
count when requesting RSVP's. The only thing I expect of my guests is
that they MUST take home their share of left overs. )

Thank you all for your many posts and your understanding of what I
suffered that evening.

If Barbara comes to visit again, as previously there will be an
invitation for all rfc'ers who can do it, to come to the Open House
Buffet in her honor and there will be plenty of food. )

Margaret

Serene wrote:
> On 6 Sep 2006 22:08:15 -0700, "Mary" > wrote:
>
> >I recall having to cancel my attendance at a VERY expensive wedding
[snip]
> > My father died
> >suddenly and I simply could not go,

[snip]
> You did the right thing, and so did they. Miss Manners would agree.

Absolutely! No one (friend or foe) could possibly fault you for the
death of a parent or expect that you'd attend a wedding instead of a
father's funeral.

I thought I remembered reading one of those White House etiquette
things about declining invitations - iirc, if the Commander-In-Chief
invites you, your presence is assumed, unless you're dead or getting
married.

June

"Margaret Suran" > wrote

> There are too many posts to answer and I cannot sit on the desk chair for
> that long (my broken hip).

Did I miss something??? You broke your hip??? Ouch!

nancy

Nancy Young wrote on 07 Sep 2006 in rec.food.cooking

>
> "Margaret Suran" > wrote
>
> > There are too many posts to answer and I cannot sit on the desk
> > chair for that long (my broken hip).
>
> Did I miss something??? You broke your hip??? Ouch!
>
> nancy
>
>
>
I am sorry to hear about your hip. Tell me your address and I'll send
condolence Chocolates. What kind would you like?

--


Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect

-Alan

On Thu, 07 Sep 2006 07:58:13 -0500, Melba's Jammin'
> wrote:

>In article 1>,
> "Michael \"Dog3\" Lonergan" > wrote:
>
>> Melba's Jammin' > news:barbschaller-
>> :
>>
>>
>> Barb to Margaret:
>> >
>> > Things are becoming clearer: Is this the reason that when you entertain
>> > 10 people, you provide enough food for 35 "just in case"? "-)
>>
>> LOLOL... Never will I forget the spread she put out for that brunch a
>> couple of years ago. IIRC, after all the guests were gone, you ate well
>> until you flight departed a few days later.
>>
>> Michael
>
>You're making that sound like everyone else did not go home with
>pouches, bags, and packages of the excess, Sweetums. Some planned to
>travel light to so the return trip from wouldn't be so unwieldy. I know
>these people. LOL!


My family of FIVE ate well for days after that.

And quit talking about your BVDs.

Boron

On Thu, 07 Sep 2006 13:12:11 GMT, Margaret Suran
> wrote:

>There are too many posts to answer and I cannot sit on the desk chair
>for that long (my broken hip). Therefore, I will try to answer you
>all in this post.

Good Heavens, Margaret! How did that happen? Do you need anything? We
can drive in this weekend if you require anything at all. I drive
faster than I mail things.
>
snip
>If I invite a larger number of guests, I make it an Open House Buffet,
>where I will not be dismayed if more or less than expected show up.
>For some unknown reason, it is almost impossible to get a correct
>count when requesting RSVP's. The only thing I expect of my guests is
>that they MUST take home their share of left overs. )

I can vouch for this.
>
>Thank you all for your many posts and your understanding of what I
>suffered that evening.
>
>If Barbara comes to visit again, as previously there will be an
>invitation for all rfc'ers who can do it, to come to the Open House
>Buffet in her honor and there will be plenty of food. )
>
>Margaret


I can predict this will be true.

Boron

Nancy Young wrote:
> "Margaret Suran" > wrote
>
>
>>There are too many posts to answer and I cannot sit on the desk chair for
>>that long (my broken hip).
>
>
> Did I miss something??? You broke your hip??? Ouch!
>
> nancy
>
>
Yes, I fell way back on June 20th and it's not mending as quickly as I
had hoped. I can manage, but I do get uncomfortable at times. (
According to my orthopedic surgeon, I have to wait a couple of more
weeks before I have reason to worry. Meanwhile, I have learned to
walk with a cane, without tripping over it. At least, I do it less
frequently now. )

Mr Libido Incognito wrote:

>>
>
> I am sorry to hear about your hip. Tell me your address and I'll send
> condolence Chocolates. What kind would you like?
>

As long as they will be cyber chocolates, thank you, yes, a picture of
very dark ones will just be right. The darker, the better.

Thank you, I hope that nobody will be mean enough to steal them, as
they did with the Pizza pictures. They will be mine, all mine!

Thank you, your kindness is much appreciated.

Margaret Suran wrote on 07 Sep 2006 in rec.food.cooking

>
>
> Mr Libido Incognito wrote:
>
> >>
> >
> > I am sorry to hear about your hip. Tell me your address and I'll send
> > condolence Chocolates. What kind would you like?
> >
>
> As long as they will be cyber chocolates, thank you, yes, a picture of
> very dark ones will just be right. The darker, the better.
>
> Thank you, I hope that nobody will be mean enough to steal them, as
> they did with the Pizza pictures. They will be mine, all mine!
>
> Thank you, your kindness is much appreciated.
>

Shh!...Not Now! I'm in the middle of e-mailing Torres....telling him
you're his biggest fan. Maybe he'll drop some by; if I lay it on thick
enough.

--


Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect

-Alan

Boron Elgar wrote:

>
>>There are too many posts to answer and I cannot sit on the desk chair
>>for that long (my broken hip). Therefore, I will try to answer you
>>all in this post.
>
>
> Good Heavens, Margaret! How did that happen? Do you need anything? We
> can drive in this weekend if you require anything at all. I drive
> faster than I mail things.


Thank you, what a nice thought! No, you need not to come to New York
for me. I have neighbors and Marcel who get me things all the time.
After all, it happened almost three months ago. Also, I now manage to
walk from my building to Agata & Valentina, almost three whole blocks!
With my cane, but I have a problem because I am klutzy and tend to
trip over the cane. (

Thank you for being so thoughtful, Margaret

Mr Libido Incognito wrote on 07 Sep 2006 in rec.food.cooking

> Margaret Suran wrote on 07 Sep 2006 in rec.food.cooking
>
> >
> >
> > Mr Libido Incognito wrote:
> >
> > >>
> > >
> > > I am sorry to hear about your hip. Tell me your address and I'll
> > > send condolence Chocolates. What kind would you like?
> > >
> >
> > As long as they will be cyber chocolates, thank you, yes, a picture
> > of very dark ones will just be right. The darker, the better.
> >
> > Thank you, I hope that nobody will be mean enough to steal them, as
> > they did with the Pizza pictures. They will be mine, all mine!
> >
> > Thank you, your kindness is much appreciated.
> >
>
> Shh!...Not Now! I'm in the middle of e-mailing Torres....telling him
> you're his biggest fan. Maybe he'll drop some by; if I lay it on thick
> enough.
>

He said no.... How about several Canadian Chocolate bars? Up here even
the chocolate candies are different. I'm not sure if you can get Coffee
Crisp down there, or even Smarties (think chocolate M&Ms). Think of it as
ummm....research...yeah that's it!

--


Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect

-Alan

Mr Libido Incognito wrote:
> Margaret Suran wrote on 07 Sep 2006 in rec.food.cooking
>
>
>>
>>Mr Libido Incognito wrote:

>
> Shh!...Not Now! I'm in the middle of e-mailing Torres....telling him
> you're his biggest fan. Maybe he'll drop some by; if I lay it on thick
> enough.
>

Jacques? Sue, Sheryl and Stan met me a couple of times and we went
for refreshments to his Brooklyn shop, where he was busy baking in his
kitchen. He came out to speak with us, or at least with Sheryl. Now
that he opened a second place all the way downtown, he is most likely
dividing his time between both shops.

I also met him at the NY Chocolate Show a few times. He is a nice,
polite gentleman and makes wonderful chocolates, which could be
sampled there.

I am eagerly awaiting the pictures you will be sending. Thank you. M

Dave Smith wrote:
>
> Michael \"Dog3\" Lonergan wrote:
>
> > " >
> > oups.com:
> >
> > >
> > > I think I might have said something like, "Gosh, I had no idea your
> > > cousins were coming! I'm glad to have you, but I only prepared food for
> > > 8! What should we do for dinner for your cousins? What do you think of
> > > a pizza?! Tsk tsk, Invited Woman, you should have told me they were
> > > coming! Welcome, let me take your coats. Cousins, are you better bridge
> > > players than Invited Woman?"
> >
> > Ohhh... you've got a mean streak. I like that
> >
>
> I knew a guy who was very anal about arrangements. He didn't especially like
> his stepchildren and their families. They were always late. He would invite
> them for dinner at a specified time. If they didn't show up on time he went
> ahead and served dinner, then cleaned up. If they showed up later he did not
> offer them anything to eat. As far as I know, it didn't do much to make
> them more prompt. He died a few years ago and they probably don't care.

Reminds me of an episode years ago. My single brother (socially
unsophisticated) who had invited my sister and her husband to a roast
beef dinner at a specified time. They are perpetually late and when
they arrived at the apt. building two hours late, they got there just in
time to see my brother driving away..... They hadn't called, so I think
he got his point across...lol.

We have a couple we've known (her since high school) for many years.
We had moved 100 miles away and hadn't heard from them in years. They
started showing up unannounced for visits, but what ticked me off was
that they always had an entourage...daughters and grandchildren, or
another couple and their kids, etc. They always hung around until well
into mealtime and I was always caught off-guard, food-wise. One time,
we suggested going out to eat and we got stuck with the check AND tip.
They made no move to chip in. Next time they came, we didn't answer the
door.....haven't seen or heard from them since. Cowardly? maybe, but I
don't regret it.....Sharon

On Thu, 07 Sep 2006 14:30:40 GMT, Margaret Suran
> wrote:

>
>
>Boron Elgar wrote:
>
>>
>>>There are too many posts to answer and I cannot sit on the desk chair
>>>for that long (my broken hip). Therefore, I will try to answer you
>>>all in this post.
>>
>>
>> Good Heavens, Margaret! How did that happen? Do you need anything? We
>> can drive in this weekend if you require anything at all. I drive
>> faster than I mail things.
>
>
>Thank you, what a nice thought! No, you need not to come to New York
>for me. I have neighbors and Marcel who get me things all the time.
>After all, it happened almost three months ago. Also, I now manage to
>walk from my building to Agata & Valentina, almost three whole blocks!
> With my cane, but I have a problem because I am klutzy and tend to
>trip over the cane. (
>
>Thank you for being so thoughtful, Margaret
>

How you kept this so quiet for so long is a wonder.

Please let me know if there is anything I can help you with. The offer
stands and it would be a pleasure.

Boron

biig wrote:

> > I knew a guy who was very anal about arrangements. He didn't especially like
> > his stepchildren and their families. They were always late. He would invite
> > them for dinner at a specified time. If they didn't show up on time he went
> > ahead and served dinner, then cleaned up. If they showed up later he did not
> > offer them anything to eat. As far as I know, it didn't do much to make
> > them more prompt. He died a few years ago and they probably don't care.
>
> Reminds me of an episode years ago. My single brother (socially
> unsophisticated) who had invited my sister and her husband to a roast
> beef dinner at a specified time. They are perpetually late and when
> they arrived at the apt. building two hours late, they got there just in
> time to see my brother driving away..... They hadn't called, so I think
> he got his point across...lol.

People like that don't deserve invitations to nice dinners. You can still be
friends with the, but don't count on being able to enjoy special dinners with
them. My wife has a friend who is a nice person, but who I will not invite to
dinner any more. One time we invited her for Thanksgiving dinner. My wife had
spoken to her around 4 in the afternoon and invited for for dinner for 6, drinks
at 5. It was a turkey so we knew hours in advance when it could be expected to be
ready. She didn't show at 5, still not here at 5:30. At 5:45 my wife started
calling her, but there was no answer. She lives a mile and a half away. She
finally showed up after we finished eating. It turned out that after my wife
spoke to her she had gone to a craft show in another town.

Another time she had been hanging around here and we invited her to stay for
dinner. For some reason she had to home and feed the cat, the same cat that she
often leaves home alone for a few days. I figured she would be back in 15 minutes
tops. She was gone for hours and missed dinner again.

Another one on the Do Not Invite list is the woman who was my late brother in
law's girlfriend. She was a bit of a loony to begin with. This one was for a
different Thanksgiving. Dinner for 6, come around 5 for drinks. Other guests
included my parents, my wife's aunt and uncle, my son and his girl friend. At 6 I
started looking after gravy and doing last minutes veggies etc. She called to say
that she wasn't feeling well and was wondering if someone could come and pick here
up. It would be a 35-40 minute drive to her house, so no, we could not pick her
up. We were just about to sit down to eat and I am not sending someone to pick her
up when it means they won't be back for at least an hour and a half. I am not
keeping 5 other guests waiting and ruin the dinner because she didn't have the
courtesy to call earlier.

In article . com>, "sosessyithurts" > writes:
>
> you could create a dynamic web page where people can SIGN UP AND PAY
> FOR THE EVENT with credit or debit card

We do this partly already. People sign up via a link on our club
website that pops up an email box. They type the event they want to come to
and their phone number (just in case). We let them pay via Paypal or mail a
check or bring payment "at the door".
The problem is that we're a private club, so we cannot let just any old
Joe Schmoe who stumbles over our website come to our events. So a certain
amount of Board oversight is still required.
But we're also working on a database to be linked into our website via
a login page that will allow us to coordinate better.

- Sharon
"Gravity... is a harsh mistress!"

In article .com>, " > writes:
>
> Sharon wrote:
>> look back, you'll see that at my second wedding, I did order extra stuff from
>> the caterer. But "they tricked me" and I still ended up short.
>
> Yeah, sometimes the best-laid plans... It happens. But they're your
> friends, it's your wedding, everyone's glad to be there and celebrate a
> joyous event, right? What's a little food shortage among friends?

Right, but we were short equipment, not food. The caterers scrambled to find a
few extra chairs and cutlery, though and saved me. It was embarrassing, but
I'm pretty sure everybody was ok once it was fixed.

Of course the caterers also were looking at me like "you gave us the headcount,
you idiot..." Just the look in their eyes. They were graceful and
professional.

>> even if you cancel. The problem is that nobody on the board wants to be the
>> bad guy and enforce that rule.
>
> And that puts the coordinator in the position of being The Bitch, I
> take it? The club board needs to take this issue seriously. I recently
> attended a seminar about negotation, and one of the things they kept
> emphasizing was to pitch your arguments in the currency that the
> listener values. Any organization that wants to remain viable for the
> long term needs to be fiscally responsible. Do you have a Treasurer
> that you could coordinate with? Could the pair of you discuss this with
> board members and frame it, for example, as a general financial
> viability issue instead of a social event issue? I'm just tossing ideas
> out, I have no idea what the club (or club culture) is like, obviously.

Yes, we have a treasurer... with a rather dubious idea of how things
are done. His financials are probably fine, but... well let me illustrate:
The event I mentioned where we were short a canoe happened because a
couple asked if they could come late the night before. They could only get
hold of him. He knew the event was booked, but figured that since there are
usually a few no-shows it would be ok to let them come. Actually there weren't
any no-shows that time, so we ended up short on equipment. When I discreetely
questioned him about it, he explained the above and also said that since most
events have no-shows it's generally safe to overbook. Just like the airlines
do.
Picking my jaw up off the floor, later I tried to explain to the board
that the airlines can afford to **** off customers by overbooking and then
bumping some, but our club couldn't! (And this was an excellent parallel too,
because we had all driven 2 - 3 hours to meet at the river for that event.)
Just a personality difference: he felt that if it was a problem he
could pack up his wife and two sweet daughters and go home, leaving a canoe for
the guests. If it was just him, I'd say fine. But to yank your kids around
like that... sheesh
Anyway, we are working on a database that will help us greatly with
coordination. It's a challenge because we're geographically dispersed and do
most of the club business via email. Such is life in a volunteer capacity!

- Sharon
"Gravity... is a harsh mistress!"

In article . com>, "Felines&Fuzzbutts" > writes:

> As far as guests not showing...when my husband and I married ten years
> ago, we sent out invites clearly stating to RSVP. I made it clear to
> all who were invited to the reception that we really needed a head
> count, because I was doing the catering myself, and we were on a tight
> budget and needed actual numbers. We invited 70 people; 12 actually
> showed. I ended up with an entire multi-tier wedding cake, four huge
> platters of cold cuts, and large amounts of other leftovers -- not to
> mention the fact that we wasted all that money. Not ONE of the people
> who had said they'd show and then didn't bother even called at the last
> minute. Not one of them even contacted us later to apologize.

OUCH! Knowing wedding food is expensive, I know that hurts in the
wallet. Adding insult to injury is the fact that so few showed up.
It kind of reminds me of my brother's wedding, which was held near his
wife's family and all of our family had to travel to attend it. In this case
it was nobody's fault or bad manners. But they let somebody at the church
dictate "his side" and "her side" of the church for seating guests. Her side
was half full, but there were about 6 of us on his side. It looked very
lopsided, almost as if nobody like him.
(So at my weddings, I make sure guests sit wherever they want!)

- Sharon
"Gravity... is a harsh mistress!"

In article >, Dave Smith > writes:

> And being that it is family, it is not a problem helping out. I am just a
> little miffed at my brothers, two of who said they weren't coming but then
> decided they were and made the arrangements on their own, and at the one
> who said he was, then he wasn't, then he was and then he wasn't.

One of our regular club members is like that: coming, can't come,
coming, etc. There are alot of manners that apparently people aren't being
taught any more. One of which is the idea that if you agree to attend one
thing, and then later are invited to something else at the same time as the
first, you generally should stick to the first. Sort of a committment.
Although there are exceptions of course, some events do have priority
over others. But you can tell this isn't the issue with wafflers who keep
changing their minds.

- Sharon
"Gravity... is a harsh mistress!"

In article >,
(Sharon) wrote:

> One of our regular club members is like that: coming, can't come,
> coming, etc. There are alot of manners that apparently people aren't being
> taught any more.

Children learn what they live. It's not likely to improve.
--
-Barb, Mother Superior, HOSSSPoJ
http://web.mac.com/barbschaller
http://jamlady.eboard.com

Andy wrote:

[snip]
>
> I'd love to send ALL the women of r.f.c bouquets of flowers without an
> invite, WITH a note of adoration!



Oh good! Have you got my address Andy?

Waiting,
Bronnie

Bronwyn said...

>
> Andy wrote:
>
> [snip]
>>
>> I'd love to send ALL the women of r.f.c bouquets of flowers without an
>> invite, WITH a note of adoration!
>
>
>
> Oh good! Have you got my address Andy?
>
> Waiting,
> Bronnie


Bronnie,

Yes. I've arranged a rose petal rainstorm for you.

Andy

In article >, Puester > writes:
>
> Ugh! Oh, Margaret, how sad and how embarrassing. (What does it say
> about our society that YOU were probably the embarrassed one rather than
> couples 4 and 5?)
>
> The couples were equally at fault. Why would anyone think that an extra
> couple was welcome at a bridge dinner party? And why would anyone go to
> a dinner party to which they were not specifically invited?
>
> You were very gracious not to throw them all out on their ears.

I agree, what a horrible story. I know if I was any one of the people
at that party I would have asked myself some questions:

1. Why aren't our hosts eating with us? This isn't a restaurant and they're
not our waiters!
2. Why are Margaret and Bob, (just made up a name) who invited us to play
bridge with them, not playing bridge?
3. Why is the table set for 8 when there are clearly 10 people here?

I consider myself pretty sensitive to the feelings of others, and so
tend to notice such things. But when I run into people who seem oblivious to
things like that, it makes me wonder if I'm *over* sensitive.
Although probably some of the guests did notice this and just thought
that Margaret and her husband would take care of it in private with the
miscreants. But wouldn't it make the hosts feel better if any one of the
guests at least asked one of these questions out loud to draw attention to it?
I know that manners prevent me (as the host) from shoving the idiots out the
door, much as I would like to do that. So I think it would be a comfort if
someone else who was less required to be gracious stood up for me. Or am I
stuck in old childhood schoolyard days?
(I'm not trying to blame the OTHER guests. Just expressing my
confusion about social proprieties.)
Oh, and another problem I have with proper manners as Margaret
demonstrated. Unless and until the miscreants asked why they weren't invited
over again, she can't express to them what was wrong. And because she was
sooooo gracious it probably helped to confirm that she really didn't mind,
just as they assumed!

- Sharon
"Gravity... is a harsh mistress!"

In article .com>, "Mary" > writes:
> I recall having to cancel my attendance at a VERY expensive wedding and
> formal dinner reception at a Chicago hotel after I had RSVP'd (on time)
> my plan to attend and only 4 days before the wedding. My father died
> suddenly and I simply could not go, so I telephoned the mother of the
> bride immediately explaining the circumstance and followed it with a
> note of apology. Frankly, I didn't know what else to do, and was very
> pleased to get a very nice note of sympathy from the bride's family
> about a week later.

Certainly, in cases such as this, a cancellation is appropriate and
shouldn't be a problem. The problem I have, as the OP, are people who decide
not to come just because they don't feel like it. And also who don't call to
cancel, they just don't show.

- Sharon
"Gravity... is a harsh mistress!"

Sharon wrote:
> In article >, Puester > writes:
>
>>Ugh! Oh, Margaret, how sad and how embarrassing. (What does it say
>>about our society that YOU were probably the embarrassed one rather than
>>couples 4 and 5?)
>>
>>The couples were equally at fault. Why would anyone think that an extra
>>couple was welcome at a bridge dinner party? And why would anyone go to
>>a dinner party to which they were not specifically invited?
>>
>>You were very gracious not to throw them all out on their ears.
>
>
> I agree, what a horrible story. I know if I was any one of the people
> at that party I would have asked myself some questions:

The other two couples knew exactly what was going on, but could not
say anything. The late comers made believe that nothing was wrong.
>
> 1. Why aren't our hosts eating with us? This isn't a restaurant and they're
> not our waiters!

Erich and I tried to keep as busy as possible, mostly in the kitchen.

We squeezed in two extra table settings and chairs and there was
enough soup for us, as well as the dumplings and red cabbage. There
was plenty of cheese and fruit and coffee. We were sitting with
them, eating with them and being good hosts.

Don't forget, we were brought up to cherish and value and respect
guests to our home. Mi casa es su casa........

We could not have indicated our displeasure in any way.

> 2. Why are Margaret and Bob, (just made up a name) who invited us to play
> bridge with them, not playing bridge?

I said something like: How nice that there are two tables without us.
Erich and I will clean up and perhaps join the bridge game when we
are done.

We only "were done" when it was time to distribute the bridge prizes
and ask the guests to come to the table for coffee and cake. The
evening was over and I was glad I had not said or done anything
inappropriate.


> 3. Why is the table set for 8 when there are clearly 10 people here?

By the time we sat down, it was set for ten.
>
> Oh, and another problem I have with proper manners as Margaret
> demonstrated. Unless and until the miscreants asked why they weren't invited
> over again, she can't express to them what was wrong. And because she was
> sooooo gracious it probably helped to confirm that she really didn't mind,
> just as they assumed!

From what I remember, we never met again. The couple never called
and we didn't, either. Perhaps the other two couples did meet with
them; if I was told I no longer know.

"Melba's Jammin'" > wrote in message
...
> In article .com>,
> "Mary" > wrote:
>
> > I recall having to cancel my attendance at a VERY expensive wedding and
> > formal dinner reception at a Chicago hotel after I had RSVP'd (on time)
> > my plan to attend and only 4 days before the wedding. My father died
> > suddenly and I simply could not go, so I telephoned the mother of the
> > bride immediately explaining the circumstance and followed it with a
> > note of apology. Frankly, I didn't know what else to do, and was very
> > pleased to get a very nice note of sympathy from the bride's family
> > about a week later.
>
> That falls into the realm of acceptable behavior in Miss Manners' world.
> There are about two reasons for not showing after you've said you would.
> One requires that you be in a four-sided rectangular box with a hinged
> cover.
>

I only stood up an RSVP once. I was getting ready for the wedding and was
getting dressed. The windows in the house were open and a wasp flew in the
window, in my shirt sleeve and stung me on my boob. My boob swelled to
three times it's normal size (which is big enough) and I not only couldn't
fit it the bra, it hurt like hell to do so. It was an hour before the
wedding and I couldn't contact anyone (everyone with a number in my rolodex
was gone).

Needless to say, I made my apologies to the couple who had a good laugh.
They later divorced, and I remain friends with the groom....he said he
should have listened to my boob and stayed home!!
-ginny

On Thu, 07 Sep 2006 14:21:49 GMT, Margaret Suran
> rummaged among random neurons and
opined:

>Yes, I fell way back on June 20th and it's not mending as quickly as I
>had hoped. I can manage, but I do get uncomfortable at times. (
>According to my orthopedic surgeon, I have to wait a couple of more
>weeks before I have reason to worry. Meanwhile, I have learned to
>walk with a cane, without tripping over it. At least, I do it less
>frequently now. )

Margaret, I cannot believe I'm just now finding out about this spill
of yours! May you heal quickly and well, my dear - from my keyboard to
God's monitor.

Wishing you a very speedy recovery,
Tee

Terry "Squeaks" Pulliam Burd
AAC(F)BV66.0748.CA

"Most vigitaryans I iver see looked enough like their food to be
classed as cannybals."

Finley Peter Dunne (1900)

To reply, replace "spaminator" with "cox"

Margaret Suran wrote:

> What would you do under these circumstances? You invited three other
> couples for dinner and Bridge. You prepared a nice dinner for eight,
> chopped liver with black radish slices, consommé with Fridatten,
> roasted duck with bread dumplings and red cabbage, beer or wine or
> water with lemon slices, dessert, cheese, fruit, you know, the whole deal.
>
> The table was set with the little chopped liver plates waiting on each
> place mat, soon to be consumed by the hungry guests. The four
> ducklings were out of the oven, cut into halves and resting on
> individual dinner plates, while the dumplings and red cabbage were
> still on the stove.
>
> Six of us were in the living room, waiting for the last couple. The
> doorman called from downstairs, announcing "guests"
>
> I went to open the door and nearly fainted. Instead of the couple I
> expected, four people were coming into my apartment.
>
> "My cousins are in town", said the invited woman "and we thought it
> would be nice if they came with us". I was holding on to the doorknob
> for dear life, not wanting to collapse on the floor.
>
> The woman continued, "I knew you would not mind".

<snip>

Margaret, you dear soul, are the epitome of hospitality, so I can well
imagine you inviting them in and making do. I might actually have
attempted the same "make do" as did you. That said, "I knew you would
not mind" is incredibly intrusive on your hospitality. My instinct (if
I gritted my teeth) would be to say, "Oh, I'm so sorry, but I have such
a set dinner that I can't accommodate extra guests. Perhaps we can do
this another time with you and your cousins?" Then show them the door.

And never, ever invite them to my home again.

Terry "Squeaks" Pulliam Burd
AAC(F)BV66.0748.CA

"Most vigitaryans I iver see looked enough like their food to be
classed as cannybals."

Finley Peter Dunne (1900)

On Fri, 8 Sep 2006 21:10:11 -0400, "Virginia Tadrzynski"
> rummaged among random neurons and opined:

<snip>

>Needless to say, I made my apologies to the couple who had a good laugh.
>They later divorced, and I remain friends with the groom....he said he
>should have listened to my boob and stayed home!!

Ginny - the DH says that if you've RSVP'd positively to an invitation
and you drop dead before the event, your executor must attend <g>

Terry "Squeaks" Pulliam Burd
AAC(F)BV66.0748.CA

"Most vigitaryans I iver see looked enough like their food to be
classed as cannybals."

Finley Peter Dunne (1900)

To reply, replace "spaminator" with "cox"

On Wed, 06 Sep 2006 18:09:37 -0400, Dave Smith
> wrote:

>I knew a guy who was very anal about arrangements. He didn't especially like
>his stepchildren and their families. They were always late. He would invite
>them for dinner at a specified time. If they didn't show up on time he went
>ahead and served dinner, then cleaned up. If they showed up later he did not
>offer them anything to eat. As far as I know, it didn't do much to make
>them more prompt. He died a few years ago and they probably don't care.

When people are late for dinner, I don't hold the meal for them. I
feed the people who were kind enough to come on time and should not be
punished with cold food for someone else's tardiness.

That said, when someone shows up at my house, whether it's an hour
late, or in the middle of the night, they get fed -- it's what I do.
It may be leftovers, it may be toast and jam, but they get fed.

serene
--
"I can't decide if I feel more like four ten-year-olds or ten four-year-olds." Laurie Anderson , on turning 40.

http://serenejournal.livejournal.com