Today I attempted to make chocolate fudge. The result was horrifying;
nay, brutal. One could even go so far as to say the product was hostile
in a very antagonistic, unfriendly way. It was at once very granular
and gritty, and a liquefied, humid, drooling, vulgar, unappealing,
disappointing, regrettable sludge. The viscous gelatinous mass did not
promiscuously bunch up and solidify as the Good Lord intended, but,
rather, chose to defy the physics of cooking itself in its wonton
disregard of my hopes, wishes, and desires. The fruit of my effort did
not, alas, yield a sum greater than the whole, as fudgie components are
expected, are much anticipated, to render.

Something, some where, appears to have gone wrong. Some incantation
unuttered; some blood sacrifice unperformed; some sigil drawn
incorrectly; an unapt inapt periapt wielded by my clumsy, awkward,
maladroit hand.

About $3 wasted.

I am contemplating another attempt, though all other past attempts in
the culinary manner have yielded similar results: cookies don't;
brownies blacken; cakes cant; ferments foudroyantly foul (awe, go on---
look it up). I am not convinced that the altitude (6,505 feet above
mean sea level) is to blame; I am considering the likelihood of some
kind of curse.

Be there any kind soul out there who has a successful chocolate fudge
recipe? If so, perhaps you would be good enough to share it.

Thank you.

> wrote in message
ups.com...
> Today I attempted to make chocolate fudge. The result was horrifying;
> nay, brutal. One could even go so far as to say the product was hostile
> in a very antagonistic, unfriendly way. It was at once very granular
> and gritty, and a liquefied, humid, drooling, vulgar, unappealing,
> disappointing, regrettable sludge. The viscous gelatinous mass did not
> promiscuously bunch up and solidify as the Good Lord intended, but,
> rather, chose to defy the physics of cooking itself in its wonton
> disregard of my hopes, wishes, and desires. The fruit of my effort did
> not, alas, yield a sum greater than the whole, as fudgie components are
> expected, are much anticipated, to render.
>
> Something, some where, appears to have gone wrong. Some incantation
> unuttered; some blood sacrifice unperformed; some sigil drawn
> incorrectly; an unapt inapt periapt wielded by my clumsy, awkward,
> maladroit hand.
>
> About $3 wasted.
>
> I am contemplating another attempt, though all other past attempts in
> the culinary manner have yielded similar results: cookies don't;
> brownies blacken; cakes cant; ferments foudroyantly foul (awe, go on---
> look it up). I am not convinced that the altitude (6,505 feet above
> mean sea level) is to blame; I am considering the likelihood of some
> kind of curse.
>
> Be there any kind soul out there who has a successful chocolate fudge
> recipe? If so, perhaps you would be good enough to share it.
>
> Thank you.
>

Drive to the nearest Cracker Barrel, fight your way through the crowd of old
folks at the door, and buy some?

On Oct 4, 5:35 pm, "JoeSpareBedroom" > wrote:
> > wrote in oglegroups.com...
>
>

>
> > Be there any kind soul out there who has a successful chocolate fudge
> > recipe? If so, perhaps you would be good enough to share it.
>
> > Thank you.Drive to the nearest Cracker Barrel, fight your way through the crowd of old
> folks at the door, and buy some?- Hide quoted text -- Show quoted text -


Besides what Joe said, go by the recipe on the side of a can of
Hershey's cocoa. No matter what other recipes you will receive here,
this is my all time favorite. I guess because my mom always made it,
especially at Christmas. Brings back a lot of memories. If you decide
on this route, be sure and follow the directions on the can and don't
hurry it while it's cooking to the hard ball stage.

On 4 Oct 2006 17:49:19 -0700, "itsjoannotjoann"
> wrote:

>Besides what Joe said, go by the recipe on the side of a can of
>Hershey's cocoa. No matter what other recipes you will receive here,
>this is my all time favorite. I guess because my mom always made it,
>especially at Christmas. Brings back a lot of memories. If you decide
>on this route, be sure and follow the directions on the can and don't
>hurry it while it's cooking to the hard ball stage.

There's no recipe on my Hershey's can. Found this online, though:
http://tinyurl.com/lxkbb or ...
http://www.hersheys.com/recipes/reci...goryPage=true#

This is a great web page ...
http://www.exploratorium.edu/cooking...ar-stages.html

JoeSpareBedroom wrote:
> > wrote in message
> ups.com...

> > Thank you.

> Drive to the nearest Cracker Barrel, fight your way through the crowd of old
> folks at the door, and buy some?

LOL! So far that is certainly the best advice I have received all this
week, on any subject. But seriously, it appears making fudge is an art
form--- I think I will take your advice and just buy it. I have been
told that there is a place about 70 miles north of me that makes fudge:
it is probably worth the drive.

> wrote

> JoeSpareBedroom wrote:

>> Drive to the nearest Cracker Barrel, fight your way through the crowd of
>> old
>> folks at the door, and buy some?
>
> LOL! So far that is certainly the best advice I have received all this
> week, on any subject. But seriously, it appears making fudge is an art
> form--- I think I will take your advice and just buy it. I have been
> told that there is a place about 70 miles north of me that makes fudge:
> it is probably worth the drive.

You certainly wrote a fun story about your fudge failure. Thanks.
Me, I'm not fussy, I make the stuff on the side of the Fluff container.

nancy

itsjoannotjoann wrote:
> On Oct 4, 5:35 pm, "JoeSpareBedroom" > wrote:
> > > wrote in oglegroups.com...


> > > Be there any kind soul out there who has a successful chocolate fudge
> > > recipe? If so, perhaps you would be good enough to share it.
> >
> > > Thank you.Drive to the nearest Cracker Barrel, fight your way through the crowd of old
> > > folks at the door, and buy some?

> Besides what Joe said, go by the recipe on the side of a can of
> Hershey's cocoa. No matter what other recipes you will receive here,
> this is my all time favorite. I guess because my mom always made it,
> especially at Christmas. Brings back a lot of memories. If you decide
> on this route, be sure and follow the directions on the can and don't
> hurry it while it's cooking to the hard ball stage.

Okay, the next time I go into town I will do just that---- get the can
and read it, and see what else I need. Though in all honesty I like
Joe's advice better: I had thought that one just kind of.... oh, I
don't know, had fudge JUST HAPPEN when one puts all of the parts
together, sort of like it was a lawn mower engine.

Sadly, I only get into town once a month (less if rain or snow has
fallen), so it will be weeks before I can fetch the Hershey's cocoa.
Drats! I had this overpowering craving for fudge.... for the past week
I have been laying in bed dreaming of it, smelling it in my head as it
were, shivering with anticipated delight. Otch, well.

wrote:

>
> I am contemplating another attempt, though all other past attempts in
> the culinary manner have yielded similar results: cookies don't;
> brownies blacken; cakes cant; ferments foudroyantly foul (awe, go on---
> look it up). I am not convinced that the altitude (6,505 feet above
> mean sea level) is to blame; I am considering the likelihood of some
> kind of curse.
>



The altitude does affect many of the failures you mention.
Ask your local county extension agent's office for information
about cooking at altitude. Many provide information sheets with
guidelines for adapting recipes for various categories of food to be
cooked at altitudes above 5000 ft.

gloria p
at 5800 feet

On Oct 4, 8:17 pm, Damsel in dis Dress >
wrote:
>
>There's no recipe on my Hershey's can. Found this online, >though:http://tinyurl.com/lxkbbor ...http://www.hersheys.com/recipes/reci...303&page=2&per...
>
> This is a great web page ...http://www.exploratorium.edu/cooking...ar-stages.html


Oh No!! The recipe is not on the can anymore?????? Sacrilege! <Is
that how that is spelled?> Still, it's my favorite type of fudge.
Funny, all the different types that are made now, the homemade version
I grew up on still sets my heart aflutter.

Colorado State has some good altitude cooking info he

http://cerc.colostate.edu/titles/P41.html

In fact, I think I may have gotten the link from someone here at rfc...
if so, thanks again.

Scooter
at 5400 ft

On 4 Oct 2006 19:05:10 -0700, "itsjoannotjoann"
> wrote:

>On Oct 4, 8:17 pm, Damsel in dis Dress >
>wrote:
>>
>>There's no recipe on my Hershey's can. Found this online, >though:http://tinyurl.com/lxkbbor ...http://www.hersheys.com/recipes/reci...303&page=2&per...
>>
>> This is a great web page ...http://www.exploratorium.edu/cooking...ar-stages.html
>
>
>Oh No!! The recipe is not on the can anymore?????? Sacrilege! <Is
>that how that is spelled?> Still, it's my favorite type of fudge.
>Funny, all the different types that are made now, the homemade version
>I grew up on still sets my heart aflutter.

Same here. My mom would have swallowed Draino before she'd have made
fudge with marshmallow creme and chocolate chips. When we lived at
our last house, I was able to make fudge like hers. Since moving here
and cooking on a gas stove, real fudge has become nothing but a fond
memory.

Our roommates' late mother made the fake stuff, and it sounds like
we'll have some of that at Christmas time. Better than nothing, but
still ....

On Oct 4, 9:29 pm, Damsel in dis Dress >
wrote:
> On 4 Oct 2006 19:05:10 -0700, "itsjoannotjoann"

>
> >Oh No!! The recipe is not on the can anymore?????? Sacrilege! <Is
> >that how that is spelled?> Still, it's my favorite type of fudge.
> >Funny, all the different types that are made now, the homemade version
> >I grew up on still sets my heart aflutter.
>
>
>Same here. My mom would have swallowed Draino before she'd have made
> fudge with marshmallow creme and chocolate chips. When we lived at
> our last house, I was able to make fudge like hers. Since moving here
> and cooking on a gas stove, real fudge has become nothing but a fond
> memory.
>
> Our roommates' late mother made the fake stuff, and it sounds like
> we'll have some of that at Christmas time. Better than nothing, but
> still ....


My mom always cooked on a gas stove and made her fudge and without a
candy thermometer. We would be so impatient as she would test it in a
cup of cold water looking for that hard ball stage. Once there, she
had to move quickly or there would have been a huge chocolate lump in
the pot after beating. :-))

We rarely had walnuts in our fudge even though we had a walnut tree.
More went in our stomachs as we cracked them than went into the
measuring cup. We were such hellions.

On 4 Oct 2006 19:38:22 -0700, "itsjoannotjoann"
> wrote:

>On Oct 4, 9:29 pm, Damsel in dis Dress >
>wrote:
>> On 4 Oct 2006 19:05:10 -0700, "itsjoannotjoann"
>
>> >Oh No!! The recipe is not on the can anymore?????? Sacrilege! <Is
>> >that how that is spelled?> Still, it's my favorite type of fudge.
>> >Funny, all the different types that are made now, the homemade version
>> >I grew up on still sets my heart aflutter.
>>
>>Same here. My mom would have swallowed Draino before she'd have made
>> fudge with marshmallow creme and chocolate chips. When we lived at
>> our last house, I was able to make fudge like hers. Since moving here
>> and cooking on a gas stove, real fudge has become nothing but a fond
>> memory.
>>
>> Our roommates' late mother made the fake stuff, and it sounds like
>> we'll have some of that at Christmas time. Better than nothing, but
>> still ....
>
>My mom always cooked on a gas stove and made her fudge and without a
>candy thermometer. We would be so impatient as she would test it in a
>cup of cold water looking for that hard ball stage. Once there, she
>had to move quickly or there would have been a huge chocolate lump in
>the pot after beating. :-))
>
>We rarely had walnuts in our fudge even though we had a walnut tree.
>More went in our stomachs as we cracked them than went into the
>measuring cup. We were such hellions.

Oh dear. That reminds me. Said roommates love walnuts. I'm a pecan
person. If I'm gonna have fudge this year, I'll have to try making my
own again. Maybe this time it'll work out okay. Cross your fingers
for me,

> wrote in message
ups.com...
> Today I attempted to make chocolate fudge. The result was horrifying;
> nay, brutal. One could even go so far as to say the product was hostile
> in a very antagonistic, unfriendly way. It was at once very granular
> and gritty, and a liquefied, humid, drooling, vulgar, unappealing,
> disappointing, regrettable sludge. The viscous gelatinous mass did not
> promiscuously bunch up and solidify as the Good Lord intended, but,
> rather, chose to defy the physics of cooking itself in its wonton
> disregard of my hopes, wishes, and desires.

I used to go to a local Chinese (ish) restaurant that advertised "Wanton
Soup", I tried to get my girlfriend of the time to order it but she insisted
that she wanted the wonton sort instead.

David

> wrote in message
ups.com...


> Be there any kind soul out there who has a successful chocolate fudge
> recipe? If so, perhaps you would be good enough to share it.
>
> Thank you.

Are you in Colorado? The truck stop at Limon has excellent fudge along with
several other great candies. I don't make fudge because then I'd have a
whole batch here to be eaten.

Ms P

wrote:
> Today I attempted to make chocolate fudge. The result was horrifying;
> nay, brutal. One could even go so far as to say the product was hostile
> in a very antagonistic, unfriendly way. It was at once very granular
> and gritty, and a liquefied, humid, drooling, vulgar, unappealing,
> disappointing, regrettable sludge.

It knew you were looking. You can't let it know that you know. Like all
confections, it can smell fear.


> The viscous gelatinous mass did not
> promiscuously bunch up and solidify as the Good Lord intended,

"...promiscuously bunch up and solidify..."... hmmm. I would think that
its penchant for warm runniness was more indicative of promiscuity than
cohesive bonding would be, but maybe that's just me.


> but,
> rather, chose to defy the physics of cooking itself in its wonton
> disregard of my hopes, wishes, and desires.

Wonton? It had wontons?? Where'd it get 'em? No wonder it didn't work!


> The fruit of my effort did
> not, alas, yield a sum greater than the whole, as fudgie components are
> expected, are much anticipated, to render.
>
> Something, some where, appears to have gone wrong. Some incantation
> unuttered; some blood sacrifice unperformed; some sigil drawn
> incorrectly; an unapt inapt periapt wielded by my clumsy, awkward,
> maladroit hand.

Nonsense! Nothing of the kind. You're only inept.



> About $3 wasted.

Now that's the part that really hurts.



> I am contemplating another attempt, though all other past attempts in
> the culinary manner have yielded similar results: cookies don't;
> brownies blacken; cakes cant;

Oh, ahahahahahahaha!! Ahaha!

But I must ask: Do roasts? Is it only baking and confections that you
curse, or does everything turn out badly?



> ferments foudroyantly foul (awe, go on---
> look it up).

Nothing comes close to your post in foudroyance, trust me.


> I am not convinced that the altitude (6,505 feet above
> mean sea level) is to blame; I am considering the likelihood of some
> kind of curse.

It is doubtless a curse, as altitude will not impact cookies, fudge,
ferments, etc. Cakes, yes. Breads, yes. The rest, no.


> Be there any kind soul out there who has a successful chocolate fudge
> recipe? If so, perhaps you would be good enough to share it.

I could teach you, but I'd have to charge.

<my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard>

I use the Ghirardelli recipe. I use the whole unsweetened 4 oz bar,
because I do not like Fudge that is very sweet.

Classic Fudge From Ghirardelli's Web Site
http://www.ghirardelli.com/bake/reci...063&print=true


Classic Fudge
Yields about two dozen pieces

* 2 ounce(s) 60% Cacao Bittersweet Chocolate Baking Bar
* 2 cup(s) Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips
* 14 fluid ounce(s) sweetened condensed milk
* 2 1/2 teaspoon(s) pure vanilla extract
* 1 cup(s) chopped pecans or walnuts
*

Directions

Line an 8-inch square baking pan with waxed paper. Place chocolate
chips, bittersweet chocolate, and sweetened condensed milk in a double
boiler over hot, but not boiling, water. Stir the mixture occasionally
until the chocolate has melted. Stir in the vanilla extract and nuts.
Spread fudge evenly in prepared baking pan. Refrigerate for 2 hours,
or until firm. Cut when cool and firm. Store uncovered in the
refrigerator.

> wrote in message
oups.com...
>
> itsjoannotjoann wrote:
>> On Oct 4, 5:35 pm, "JoeSpareBedroom" > wrote:
>> > > wrote in
>> > oglegroups.com...
>
>
>> > > Be there any kind soul out there who has a successful chocolate fudge
>> > > recipe? If so, perhaps you would be good enough to share it.
>> >
>> > > Thank you.Drive to the nearest Cracker Barrel, fight your way through
>> > > the crowd of old
>> > > folks at the door, and buy some?
>
>> Besides what Joe said, go by the recipe on the side of a can of
>> Hershey's cocoa. No matter what other recipes you will receive here,
>> this is my all time favorite. I guess because my mom always made it,
>> especially at Christmas. Brings back a lot of memories. If you decide
>> on this route, be sure and follow the directions on the can and don't
>> hurry it while it's cooking to the hard ball stage.
>
> Okay, the next time I go into town I will do just that---- get the can
> and read it, and see what else I need. Though in all honesty I like
> Joe's advice better: I had thought that one just kind of.... oh, I
> don't know, had fudge JUST HAPPEN when one puts all of the parts
> together, sort of like it was a lawn mower engine.
>
> Sadly, I only get into town once a month (less if rain or snow has
> fallen), so it will be weeks before I can fetch the Hershey's cocoa.
> Drats! I had this overpowering craving for fudge.... for the past week
> I have been laying in bed dreaming of it, smelling it in my head as it
> were, shivering with anticipated delight. Otch, well.
>

If a plate of perfect fudge was right in front of you, how much would you
eat? Provide answers using a standard measure, like tablespoons.

JoeSpareBedroom wrote:
>
> If a plate of perfect fudge was right in front of you, how much would you
> eat? Provide answers using a standard measure, like tablespoons.


The whole plate. I have no idea how many tablespoons would be in a
whole plate of the stuff. Doesn't matter, I would enhale it so fast
you wouldn't remember seeing a plate of fudge.

On Thu, 05 Oct 2006 13:07:24 GMT, "JoeSpareBedroom"
> wrote:

>If a plate of perfect fudge was right in front of you, how much would you
>eat? Provide answers using a standard measure, like tablespoons.

Well, *that's* a silly question! ALL of it, of course! Sheesh!

"itsjoannotjoann" > wrote in message
ps.com...
>
> JoeSpareBedroom wrote:
>>
>> If a plate of perfect fudge was right in front of you, how much would you
>> eat? Provide answers using a standard measure, like tablespoons.
>
>
> The whole plate. I have no idea how many tablespoons would be in a
> whole plate of the stuff. Doesn't matter, I would enhale it so fast
> you wouldn't remember seeing a plate of fudge.
>

Jeez....no comment.

JoeSpareBedroom wrote:
> >
>
> Jeez....no comment.


'Nuff said.

"itsjoannotjoann" > wrote in message
ps.com...
>
> JoeSpareBedroom wrote:
>> >
>>
>> Jeez....no comment.
>
>
> 'Nuff said.
>

Knee & hip replacement soon?

JoeSpareBedroom wrote on 05 Oct 2006 in rec.food.cooking

> If a plate of perfect fudge was right in front of you, how much would
> you eat? Provide answers using a standard measure, like tablespoons.
>

Define the size of the plate...So I know which size backhoe to use when
making measurment statements.

"Mr Libido Incognito" > wrote in message
...
> JoeSpareBedroom wrote on 05 Oct 2006 in rec.food.cooking
>
>> If a plate of perfect fudge was right in front of you, how much would
>> you eat? Provide answers using a standard measure, like tablespoons.
>>
>
> Define the size of the plate...So I know which size backhoe to use when
> making measurment statements.

72 feet in diameter, formerly used to make the world's largest buckwheat
pancake at a festival in Penn Yan, NY.

ms_peacock wrote:
> > wrote in message
> ups.com...
>
>
> > Be there any kind soul out there who has a successful chocolate fudge
> > recipe? If so, perhaps you would be good enough to share it.
> >
> > Thank you.

> Are you in Colorado? The truck stop at Limon has excellent fudge along with
> several other great candies. I don't make fudge because then I'd have a
> whole batch here to be eaten.

Howdy. I'm on a remote cattle ranch in New Mexico. There is a store in
Jefferson, Colorado, that sells fudge but it is 300 miles away--- I go
there once a year and buy two pounds. Perhaps I will make one more
attempt at fudge. I wanted to see if I could "do it" and surprise any
visitors we get for Yuletide.

Once more into the breach....

Nancy Young wrote:
> > wrote
>
> > JoeSpareBedroom wrote:
>
> >> Drive to the nearest Cracker Barrel, fight your way through the crowd of
> >> old
> >> folks at the door, and buy some?
> >
> > LOL! So far that is certainly the best advice I have received all this
> > week, on any subject. But seriously, it appears making fudge is an art
> > form--- I think I will take your advice and just buy it. I have been
> > told that there is a place about 70 miles north of me that makes fudge:
> > it is probably worth the drive.

> You certainly wrote a fun story about your fudge failure. Thanks.
> Me, I'm not fussy, I make the stuff on the side of the Fluff container.

Yeah, but just buying it ready-made also seems like a good idea. :-) My
home-made wine never fermented; my pickled cucumbers DID ferment, dang
it, turning into a thick cloudy ooze; my dinner rolls, every one,
blackened on the bottom and stayed raw on top. Needless to say,
Thanksgiving supper is going to be a can-opening affair.

Maybe I should marry someone who can cook...

Naw: ain't worth the trouble.

On Thu, 05 Oct 2006 22:23:27 GMT, "JoeSpareBedroom"
> wrote:

>"Mr Libido Incognito" > wrote in message
...
>> JoeSpareBedroom wrote on 05 Oct 2006 in rec.food.cooking
>>
>>> If a plate of perfect fudge was right in front of you, how much would
>>> you eat? Provide answers using a standard measure, like tablespoons.
>>
>> Define the size of the plate...So I know which size backhoe to use when
>> making measurment statements.
>
>72 feet in diameter, formerly used to make the world's largest buckwheat
>pancake at a festival in Penn Yan, NY.

Oh, in that case, put me down for about a square foot, one slice
thick. I'll need a few days to finish it. How soon can you have this
fudge at my doorstep?

Carol, waiting patiently

On 5 Oct 2006 15:36:08 -0700, wrote:

>Howdy. I'm on a remote cattle ranch in New Mexico. There is a store in
>Jefferson, Colorado, that sells fudge but it is 300 miles away--- I go
>there once a year and buy two pounds. Perhaps I will make one more
>attempt at fudge. I wanted to see if I could "do it" and surprise any
>visitors we get for Yuletide.

If it doesn't work out for ya (I hope it will, though), try he
https://www.marshallsfudge.com/retail_shop/

Carol

Scooter wrote:
> Colorado State has some good altitude cooking info he
>
> http://cerc.colostate.edu/titles/P41.html
>
> In fact, I think I may have gotten the link from someone here at rfc...
> if so, thanks again.
>
> Scooter
> at 5400 ft

That's *GREAT!* It never occured to me that there might be such
information on the 'net... never thought high altitude made much of a
difference. Maybe the web page will explain my pickling failure. I
thought my being a bachelor had something to do with it, but maybe it
*IS* high altitude.

When I am on the mesa (8,210 feet) I have noticed coffee needs several
more minutes to soak, and beans take longer to cook. I thought it was
just because it's cooler up there.

It appears that to make fudge at 6,500 feet, one should bring it to a
lower temperature than at sea level.

> wrote

> Nancy Young wrote:
>> > wrote

>> You certainly wrote a fun story about your fudge failure. Thanks.
>> Me, I'm not fussy, I make the stuff on the side of the Fluff container.
>
> Yeah, but just buying it ready-made also seems like a good idea. :-)

A friend of mine used to make it when we were in high school, she
had all this trouble with it not setting, something about the humidity.
I just know I'd wind up with a mess. But for a few weeks now I've
just had a craving for fudge. Almost stopped to buy it, but I made the
fluff stuff instead. It suffices.

>My
> home-made wine never fermented; my pickled cucumbers DID ferment, dang
> it, turning into a thick cloudy ooze; my dinner rolls, every one,
> blackened on the bottom and stayed raw on top. Needless to say,
> Thanksgiving supper is going to be a can-opening affair.
>
> Maybe I should marry someone who can cook...
>
> Naw: ain't worth the trouble.

Only if you don't do it right.

nancy

Pennyaline wrote:
> wrote:
> > Today I attempted to make chocolate fudge. The result was horrifying;
> > nay, brutal. One could even go so far as to say the product was hostile
> > in a very antagonistic, unfriendly way. It was at once very granular
> > and gritty, and a liquefied, humid, drooling, vulgar, unappealing,
> > disappointing, regrettable sludge.

> It knew you were looking. You can't let it know that you know. Like all
> confections, it can smell fear.

That is the best explanation I've had so far.

> > The viscous gelatinous mass did not
> > promiscuously bunch up and solidify as the Good Lord intended,

> "...promiscuously bunch up and solidify..."... hmmm. I would think that
> its penchant for warm runniness was more indicative of promiscuity than
> cohesive bonding would be, but maybe that's just me.

It was indeed an intimate hugging involved, but never the solid
engagement hoped for, alss.

> > but,
> > rather, chose to defy the physics of cooking itself in its wonton
> > disregard of my hopes, wishes, and desires.

> Wonton? It had wontons?? Where'd it get 'em? No wonder it didn't work!

It was those dang Jicarilla Apaches and their Chineese take-out
food....

> > The fruit of my effort did
> > not, alas, yield a sum greater than the whole, as fudgie components are
> > expected, are much anticipated, to render.
> >
> > Something, some where, appears to have gone wrong. Some incantation
> > unuttered; some blood sacrifice unperformed; some sigil drawn
> > incorrectly; an unapt inapt periapt wielded by my clumsy, awkward,
> > maladroit hand.

> Nonsense! Nothing of the kind. You're only inept.

That appears to be the case. If a person can perform small engine
repair, surely she or he can make fudge. Why, it stands to reason!

> > I am contemplating another attempt, though all other past attempts in
> > the culinary manner have yielded similar results: cookies don't;
> > brownies blacken; cakes cant;

> Oh, ahahahahahahaha!! Ahaha!

Clever, ain't it?

> But I must ask: Do roasts? Is it only baking and confections that you
> curse, or does everything turn out badly?

I have never seen a roast here, since I do not eat animal flesh (odd
for a cattle ranch hand, I suppose). I am trying to think of any
instance where my baking attempt succeeded, but I am at a loss...
brought by my lee shore as it were.... in my memory retrieval. When I
lived at Dana Point, California, on my boat I used to make excellent
dinner rolls, egg plant parmesan, snickerdoodles--- but here, none of
that works. Maybe the oven is cursed.


> > ferments foudroyantly foul (awe, go on---
> > look it up).

> Nothing comes close to your post in foudroyance, trust me.

Thank you. Ah, I believe....

> > I am not convinced that the altitude (6,505 feet above
> > mean sea level) is to blame; I am considering the likelihood of some
> > kind of curse.

> It is doubtless a curse, as altitude will not impact cookies, fudge,
> ferments, etc. Cakes, yes. Breads, yes. The rest, no.

The wine failure, as far as I can guess, is due to either old yeast or
sulfite in the grape juice. I have turned over the must to the goats,
and I wash my mitts, Pontius Pilate-like, of the whole sorry mess.

> > Be there any kind soul out there who has a successful chocolate fudge
> > recipe? If so, perhaps you would be good enough to share it.

> I could teach you, but I'd have to charge.

Then if I could make fudge, I suppose I would soon turn lumpish, fat,
sluggardly (is that a word?), slothful, dilatory in wit and motion, and
slovenly.

Oh, wait. I'm already there....

> <my milkshake brings all the boys to the yard>

Er, ah, um.... well, next time I feel the urge to attract boys, I'll
ask for your recipe. Around here, all we got in the yard are chickens,
cats, dogs, and goats.

JoeSpareBedroom wrote:
> > wrote in message
> oups.com...
> >
> > itsjoannotjoann wrote:
> >> On Oct 4, 5:35 pm, "JoeSpareBedroom" > wrote:
> >> > > wrote in
> >> > oglegroups.com...
> >
> >
> >> > > Be there any kind soul out there who has a successful chocolate fudge
> >> > > recipe? If so, perhaps you would be good enough to share it.
> >> >
> >> > > Thank you.Drive to the nearest Cracker Barrel, fight your way through
> >> > > the crowd of old
> >> > > folks at the door, and buy some?
> >
> >> Besides what Joe said, go by the recipe on the side of a can of
> >> Hershey's cocoa. No matter what other recipes you will receive here,
> >> this is my all time favorite. I guess because my mom always made it,
> >> especially at Christmas. Brings back a lot of memories. If you decide
> >> on this route, be sure and follow the directions on the can and don't
> >> hurry it while it's cooking to the hard ball stage.
> >
> > Okay, the next time I go into town I will do just that---- get the can
> > and read it, and see what else I need. Though in all honesty I like
> > Joe's advice better: I had thought that one just kind of.... oh, I
> > don't know, had fudge JUST HAPPEN when one puts all of the parts
> > together, sort of like it was a lawn mower engine.
> >
> > Sadly, I only get into town once a month (less if rain or snow has
> > fallen), so it will be weeks before I can fetch the Hershey's cocoa.
> > Drats! I had this overpowering craving for fudge.... for the past week
> > I have been laying in bed dreaming of it, smelling it in my head as it
> > were, shivering with anticipated delight. Otch, well.

> If a plate of perfect fudge was right in front of you, how much would you
> eat? Provide answers using a standard measure, like tablespoons.

My answer, I fear, would have to be "All of the tablespoons." Sad,
ain't it? I ate half a pound of fudge one day last August, sitting on
the porch with a bucket of water to help me wash it all down. It was
a.... well, I must be honest with myself: it was a revolting,
disgusting, rather abhorant, and vulgar display of gluttony the likes
of which would have turned the stomachs of a dozen lesser men. Good
fudge, however.

JoeSpareBedroom wrote:
> "itsjoannotjoann" > wrote in message
> ps.com...
> >
> > JoeSpareBedroom wrote:
> >> >
> >>
> >> Jeez....no comment.
> >
> >
> > 'Nuff said.
> >

> Knee & hip replacement soon?

"Nurse! Another quart of insulin, stat!"

Damsel in dis Dress wrote:
> On 5 Oct 2006 15:36:08 -0700, wrote:
>
> >Howdy. I'm on a remote cattle ranch in New Mexico. There is a store in
> >Jefferson, Colorado, that sells fudge but it is 300 miles away--- I go
> >there once a year and buy two pounds. Perhaps I will make one more
> >attempt at fudge. I wanted to see if I could "do it" and surprise any
> >visitors we get for Yuletide.

> If it doesn't work out for ya (I hope it will, though), try he
> https://www.marshallsfudge.com/retail_shop/

Oh! Good! GODS! They even mail it to people's homes! Credit card...
quick! Someone hand me a credit card!

"Fudge of the month club." Oh, good grief. One pound a month, arriving
magically at one's door (or in my case, the Apache reservation's post
office). Can decadence be any greater?

One time on Usenet, said:
>
> Damsel in dis Dress wrote:
> > On 5 Oct 2006 15:36:08 -0700, wrote:
> >
> > >Howdy. I'm on a remote cattle ranch in New Mexico. There is a store in
> > >Jefferson, Colorado, that sells fudge but it is 300 miles away--- I go
> > >there once a year and buy two pounds. Perhaps I will make one more
> > >attempt at fudge. I wanted to see if I could "do it" and surprise any
> > >visitors we get for Yuletide.
>
> > If it doesn't work out for ya (I hope it will, though), try he
> > https://www.marshallsfudge.com/retail_shop/
>
> Oh! Good! GODS! They even mail it to people's homes! Credit card...
> quick! Someone hand me a credit card!
>
> "Fudge of the month club." Oh, good grief. One pound a month, arriving
> magically at one's door (or in my case, the Apache reservation's post
> office). Can decadence be any greater?

Pssst, ever heard of Fairy Tale Brownies dot com..?

--
"Little Malice" is Jani in WA
~ mom, Trollop, novice cook ~

"Damsel in dis Dress" > wrote in message
...
> On Thu, 05 Oct 2006 22:23:27 GMT, "JoeSpareBedroom"
> > wrote:
>
> >"Mr Libido Incognito" > wrote in message
> ...
> >> JoeSpareBedroom wrote on 05 Oct 2006 in rec.food.cooking
> >>
> >>> If a plate of perfect fudge was right in front of you, how much would
> >>> you eat? Provide answers using a standard measure, like tablespoons.
> >>
> >> Define the size of the plate...So I know which size backhoe to use when
> >> making measurment statements.
> >
> >72 feet in diameter, formerly used to make the world's largest buckwheat
> >pancake at a festival in Penn Yan, NY.
>
> Oh, in that case, put me down for about a square foot, one slice
> thick. I'll need a few days to finish it. How soon can you have this
> fudge at my doorstep?
>
> Carol, waiting patiently

I'll hand deliver it to you if you e-mail me back!

kili

wrote:
>
> That's *GREAT!* It never occured to me that there might be such
> information on the 'net... never thought high altitude made much of a
> difference. Maybe the web page will explain my pickling failure. I
> thought my being a bachelor had something to do with it, but maybe it
> *IS* high altitude.
>
> When I am on the mesa (8,210 feet) I have noticed coffee needs several
> more minutes to soak, and beans take longer to cook. I thought it was
> just because it's cooler up there.
>
> It appears that to make fudge at 6,500 feet, one should bring it to a
> lower temperature than at sea level.
>

No. Think about it this way:

At higher altitude water boils at a lower temperature; so do other
things. (Remember those high school chemistry gas laws? Boyles and
Charles? It's one of those....) Boiling water is actually COOLER at
altitude than at sea level. In Denver it boils at just a hair over 200
degrees instead of 212. That's why it takes longer for the food to cook.

As far as I can remember, it takes a lot longer for candy to reach
the same level of "done-ness" if you are making candy that has to reach
hard or soft-ball stages. I did not understand the website's statement
about lower temp than sea level. That doesn't make sense for things
like fudge or caramel or hard candies because they'd still be liquid at
the lower temperature.

If you are traveling through Colorado, stop in Grand Junction for candy
from Enstrom's or order online: http://www.enstrom.com/default.aspx. I
can't speak for their fudge, but if it's anything like their almond
toffee, it's superb. Oh, and try the toffee while you're at it.
I have no connection to the company other than being a very satisfied
customer.

gloria p

On Oct 5, 6:21 pm, wrote:
> JoeSpareBedroom wrote:
> > "itsjoannotjoann" > wrote in message
> ups.com...
>
> > > JoeSpareBedroom wrote:
>
> > >> Jeez....no comment.
>
> > > 'Nuff said.
>
> > Knee & hip replacement soon?"Nurse! Another quart of insulin, stat!"


Nope, no knee or hip replacement nor insulin. I just happen to adore
gooooood fudge. Of course, after I've eaten that plate I won't be able
to eat anything else for the rest of the day, possibly a week.

:-))

On 5 Oct 2006 16:32:42 -0700, wrote:

>
>Damsel in dis Dress wrote:
>> On 5 Oct 2006 15:36:08 -0700, wrote:
>>
>> >Howdy. I'm on a remote cattle ranch in New Mexico. There is a store in
>> >Jefferson, Colorado, that sells fudge but it is 300 miles away--- I go
>> >there once a year and buy two pounds. Perhaps I will make one more
>> >attempt at fudge. I wanted to see if I could "do it" and surprise any
>> >visitors we get for Yuletide.
>
>> If it doesn't work out for ya (I hope it will, though), try he
>> https://www.marshallsfudge.com/retail_shop/
>
>Oh! Good! GODS! They even mail it to people's homes! Credit card...
>quick! Someone hand me a credit card!
>
>"Fudge of the month club." Oh, good grief. One pound a month, arriving
>magically at one's door (or in my case, the Apache reservation's post
>office). Can decadence be any greater?

Here. Here's the one where I've purchased fudge. Better price per
pound and free shipping. I had the other one bookmarked because they
sell pistachio fudge, which I'd like to try some day.
http://mackinacfudgeshop.com/

Carol