This ep starts with SLop walking outside and picking leaves from trees.
She blah blahs about making something "very unique" for Thanksgiving. She
walks into that faux pantry and grabs a pan with Stove Top stuffing ™ she
made the night before and left sitting out overnight to get dry and
crunchy (she obviously does not live in Florida).

She puts the giblets into boiling water for the gravy with a loud
"Whoot!" and then chops the green onions into strips and puts them into
her food processor, because it's so much easier to use it to make
bite-sized pieces, except they look semi-pulverized after she's done. She
credits this recipe with "Dicie" as she mixes the stuffing and pulp.

She preps the turkey and stuffs it with the stuffing, then bastes it by
rubbing a couple sticks of butter on it. She recommends cooking two
smaller ones instead of a giant one.

SLop then prepares the leaves upon which the turkey will be placed
without washing her hands. SLop then says a little prayer to God that she
cooked it right. Heh.

She scrapes the drippings from the pan and empties them into a cup so she
can make rue in a clean pan. Doesn't one normally just add the flour to
the pan without scraping it clean? She puts a little vegetable oil and
flour in the pan and miraculously, the rue is finished, so she adds the
giblet broth to it. As the steam hits her in the face, she exclaims
"Wooo!" and "Bamm!" and claims that "Emeril's got nothing on me!". I hate
Emeril, but that is just all kinds of wrong. She mentions that everyone
in her family calls her the "gravy queen". I suspect they really said
"gravy train" and made up the former when she overheard them, but that's
just me.

SLop slices a piece from the MV turkey while exclaiming "Come on honey I
am so going to eat you up!". SLop tells us that after the commercial
break, she's going to tell how to fix turkey, because everyone talks
about cooking it. Way to inspire confidence.

If your turkey isn't brown enough, melt some butter and dump everything
you can find full of sugar into it, like rum. The butter and sugar will
caramelize, so if you paint it onto the turkey, it will look cooked and
no one will know. Well, until they bite into that caramel turkey, that
is.

If your turkey is dry, slice it, baste it, and tent in the oven to steam
it.

If your gravy is lumpy, strain it and then dribble it over sliced and
plated turkey. No one will ever know!

If you burn the rolls, something SLop does every year, slice off the
burnt part and make it into cheese toast. No one will know, yeah right.

We return from commercial to see SLop make mini pumpkin bundts (didn't
she make this on the other ep?), but first, she has to show-off how she
decorated her kitchen. It's brown. We have this week's theme color! She
shows off how she glued leather and lace to her valence, but I notice
dead twigs and leaves as well. It kinda sorta looks S&M-y

SLop bakes the mini bundts and prays "Please sweet lord, let them come
out unbroken!" and crows about her good karma when they do. I think it
has a lot more to do with MV than karma, SLop. She proceeded to make an
orange juice glaze by melting white chocolate chips in cream. If memory
serves, I recall her trying that before and them not looking very good.
She gives it an orange color by adding one drop of red and one drop of
yellow food coloring. It's a shame she didn't use this ratio in the
"Half-Assed Thanksgiving" ep. SLop makes leaves and stems using green
dyed marzipan.

SLop reads her "fan mail" from a fan who read her books and loves her
drinks. Yeah, I bet she does. Anyhow, SLop recommends attaching flowers
and vegetation to the stems of her glassware with clothes pins. Heh.

SLop saunters over to the tablescape, which is pretty nice when compared
to the maimed pheasant monstrosity. Unfortunately, whoever she made
dinner for will only be eating turkey, stuffing, and cake for
Thanksgiving. Well, considering who is cooking, maybe that's a good
thing.

--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss Lee.

wrote:
(Ubiquitous)

>> If your turkey isn't brown enough, melt some butter and dump
>> everything you can find full of sugar into it, like rum. The butter
>> and sugar will caramelize, so if you paint it onto the turkey, it will
>> look cooked and no one will know. Well, until they bite into that
>> caramel turkey, that is.
>
>I saw part of this episode. And just when I thought I had recovered from
>SLop's layer cake with the top layer done in iced cupcakes. I don't know
>which show the cupcake thing was on but it wasn't this one. Her browning of
>the turkey almost did me in. She would have been better off slapping some
>varnish on the poor bird.

It probably would have tasted better, too.

--
WARNING!!!
Use of these recipes may be hazardous to your health, food budget,
standing in your community and liver function. Use at your own risk!! We
assume no liability from any illness or injury sustained while eating the
"food" or being exposed to crapass tablescapes. And no, we're not sure
where she grew up either. The Cordon Bleu disavows any knowlege of Miss Lee.