I've got some bread and a toaster

now what?

On Fri, 14 Dec 2007 21:23:55 +0000 (UTC), tert in seattle
> wrote:

>I've got some bread and a toaster
>
>now what?

Stick a fork in the toaster to get it out. Make sure you have one
hand in the sink with the water running. It should work out ok.

lou

tert in seattle wrote:
>
> I've got some bread and a toaster
>
> now what?


Get some adult supervision.
plonk

"tert in seattle" > wrote in message
...
> I've got some bread and a toaster
>
> now what?
>


Fill the bath tub. Plug in the toaster with an extension cord long enough to
reach the tub. Get in the tub. Put bread in toaster, and press down the
lever. Drop toaster into water.

On Fri, 14 Dec 2007 21:37:40 GMT, "JoeSpareBedroom"
> wrote:

>"tert in seattle" > wrote in message
...
>> I've got some bread and a toaster
>>
>> now what?
>>
>
>
>Fill the bath tub. Plug in the toaster with an extension cord long enough to
>reach the tub. Get in the tub. Put bread in toaster, and press down the
>lever. Drop toaster into water.
>
You forgot the bubble bath. The toast will taste bland without it.

Just my .02

Lou

"Lou Decruss" > wrote in message
...
> On Fri, 14 Dec 2007 21:37:40 GMT, "JoeSpareBedroom"
> > wrote:
>
>>"tert in seattle" > wrote in message
...
>>> I've got some bread and a toaster
>>>
>>> now what?
>>>
>>
>>
>>Fill the bath tub. Plug in the toaster with an extension cord long enough
>>to
>>reach the tub. Get in the tub. Put bread in toaster, and press down the
>>lever. Drop toaster into water.
>>
> You forgot the bubble bath. The toast will taste bland without it.
>
> Just my .02
>
> Lou


Point well taken.

On Dec 14, 1:23 pm, tert in seattle > wrote:
> I've got some bread and a toaster
>
> now what?

No true cook would use a toaster. First make a loaf of bread using
the NYTimes no-knead method. Let it cool for 55 minutes, then use
your agonizingly sharp chef's knife -- only novices use serrated
knives -- to cut slices exactly 3/8" thick. Now get your properly
seasoned large cast iron skillet really hot over a high flame. Place
the slices in the skillet and immediately reduce the heat to medium.
When the bottom sides just begin to reach a patchy blackness, turn
them over and return the heat to high. Now, using your swingline
gourmet can opener -- only novices use electric openers -- open a can
of Campbell's cream of mushroom soup (not the namby pamby low fat or
reduced salt versions) and dump in your crock pot. Transfer the bread
slices to the crock pot as the second sides begin to blacken.
Important: do not press them down into the c.o.m. Set on low and
it'll be done to perfection in 6.5 hours. -aem

writes:
>On Dec 14, 1:23 pm, tert in seattle > wrote:
>> I've got some bread and a toaster
>>
>> now what?
>
>No true cook would use a toaster. First make a loaf of bread using
>the NYTimes no-knead method. Let it cool for 55 minutes, then use
>your agonizingly sharp chef's knife -- only novices use serrated
>knives -- to cut slices exactly 3/8" thick. Now get your properly
>seasoned large cast iron skillet really hot over a high flame. Place
>the slices in the skillet and immediately reduce the heat to medium.
>When the bottom sides just begin to reach a patchy blackness, turn
>them over and return the heat to high. Now, using your swingline
>gourmet can opener -- only novices use electric openers -- open a can
>of Campbell's cream of mushroom soup (not the namby pamby low fat or
>reduced salt versions) and dump in your crock pot. Transfer the bread
>slices to the crock pot as the second sides begin to blacken.
>Important: do not press them down into the c.o.m. Set on low and
>it'll be done to perfection in 6.5 hours. -aem

aha

I suspected it's not as easy as it looks

Oh pshaw, on Fri 14 Dec 2007 02:23:55p, tert in seattle meant to say...

> I've got some bread and a toaster
>
> now what?
>

Hold a slice of bread in each hand, then stick your dick in one of the
toaster slots.

--
Wayne Boatwright

Date: Dec 13,2007

*******************************************
Countdown 'til Christmas
1wks 2dys 5hrs 45mins 41secs
*******************************************
Did you really expect mere proof to
sway my opinion? HA!
*******************************************

tert in seattle wrote:
>
> writes:
> >On Dec 14, 1:23 pm, tert in seattle > wrote:
> >> I've got some bread and a toaster
> >>
> >> now what?
> >
> >No true cook would use a toaster. First make a loaf of bread using
> >the NYTimes no-knead method. Let it cool for 55 minutes, then use
> >your agonizingly sharp chef's knife -- only novices use serrated
> >knives -- to cut slices exactly 3/8" thick. Now get your properly
> >seasoned large cast iron skillet really hot over a high flame. Place
> >the slices in the skillet and immediately reduce the heat to medium.
> >When the bottom sides just begin to reach a patchy blackness, turn
> >them over and return the heat to high. Now, using your swingline
> >gourmet can opener -- only novices use electric openers -- open a can
> >of Campbell's cream of mushroom soup (not the namby pamby low fat or
> >reduced salt versions) and dump in your crock pot. Transfer the bread
> >slices to the crock pot as the second sides begin to blacken.
> >Important: do not press them down into the c.o.m. Set on low and
> >it'll be done to perfection in 6.5 hours. -aem
>
> aha
>
> I suspected it's not as easy as it looks

Then why do you have the toaster?

Sky, who just couldn't resist the response

--
Ultra Ultimate Kitchen Rule - Use the Timer!
Ultimate Kitchen Rule -- Cook's Choice

Lou wrote on Fri, 14 Dec 2007 15:24:39 -0600:

??>> I've got some bread and a toaster
??>>
??>> now what?

LD> Stick a fork in the toaster to get it out. Make sure you
LD> have one hand in the sink with the water running. It
LD> should work out ok.

I am tired of this posting technic by tert and I don't intend to
receive any more.

James Silverton
Potomac, Maryland

E-mail, with obvious alterations:
not.jim.silverton.at.verizon.not

Sky wrote:
>
> tert in seattle wrote:
> >
> > I suspected it's not as easy as it looks
>
> Then why do you have the toaster?

He doesn't have a toast rack, does he?

Without that, he's lost, in addition to being
a fool.

"aem" > wrote in message
...
> On Dec 14, 1:23 pm, tert in seattle > wrote:
>> I've got some bread and a toaster
>>
>> now what?
>
> No true cook would use a toaster. First make a loaf of bread using
> the NYTimes no-knead method. Let it cool for 55 minutes, then use
> your agonizingly sharp chef's knife -- only novices use serrated
> knives -- to cut slices exactly 3/8" thick. Now get your properly
> seasoned large cast iron skillet really hot over a high flame. Place
> the slices in the skillet and immediately reduce the heat to medium.
> When the bottom sides just begin to reach a patchy blackness, turn
> them over and return the heat to high. Now, using your swingline
> gourmet can opener -- only novices use electric openers -- open a can
> of Campbell's cream of mushroom soup (not the namby pamby low fat or
> reduced salt versions) and dump in your crock pot. Transfer the bread
> slices to the crock pot as the second sides begin to blacken.
> Important: do not press them down into the c.o.m. Set on low and
> it'll be done to perfection in 6.5 hours. -aem

Yew fergot the grape jelly and meatballs.

Lou Decruss > wrote:

>On Fri, 14 Dec 2007 21:23:55 +0000 (UTC), tert in seattle
> wrote:
>
>>I've got some bread and a toaster
>>
>>now what?
>
>Stick a fork in the toaster to get it out. Make sure you have one
>hand in the sink with the water running. It should work out ok.
>
>lou

Lou, as obvious as your answer was to this nitwit I have to admit that
it made me laugh out loud. After a long day at the office that was
much appreciated. Thanks.

Jack, who suddenly has an urge for a toasted cheese sandwich

"tert in seattle" > wrote in message
...
> I've got some bread and a toaster
>
> now what?

Hey! I posted an answer to this a few weeks ago.

1. Get a Hello Kitty Toaster.

2. Insert bread.

3. Push down lever.

4. Wait.

5. Toast will pop up and you'll see a friendly face toasted onto your
bread.

6. Serve with butter only so you don't cover up the cute little face!

In article >,
tert in seattle > wrote:

> I've got some bread and a toaster
>
> now what?

I've seen this flick before.
--
-Barb, Mother Superior, HOSSSPoJ
Notes about our meals in Tuscany have been posted to
http://www.jamlady.eboard.com; 10-16-2007

"Melba's Jammin'" > wrote in message
...
> In article >,
> tert in seattle > wrote:
>
>> I've got some bread and a toaster
>>
>> now what?
>
> I've seen this flick before.
> --
> -Barb, Mother Superior, HOSSSPoJ


Twice in the last week, matter of fact. Twit in Seattle is like a bad rash.
Can't get rid of it.

On Dec 14, 3:24 pm, Lou Decruss > wrote:
> On Fri, 14 Dec 2007 21:23:55 +0000 (UTC), tert in seattle
>
> > wrote:
> >I've got some bread and a toaster
>
> >now what?
>
> Stick a fork in the toaster to get it out. Make sure you have one
> hand in the sink with the water running. It should work out ok.

It'd really suck if some dumbass did that, died, and his survivors
sued you
>
> lou

--Bryan

Bobo Bonobo(R) wrote:
> On Dec 14, 3:24 pm, Lou Decruss > wrote:
>> On Fri, 14 Dec 2007 21:23:55 +0000 (UTC), tert in seattle
>>
>> > wrote:
>>> I've got some bread and a toaster
>>> now what?
>> Stick a fork in the toaster to get it out. Make sure you have one
>> hand in the sink with the water running. It should work out ok.
>
> It'd really suck if some dumbass did that, died, and his survivors
> sued you
>> lou
>
> --Bryan

"Here's your sign..."

"JoeSpareBedroom" > wrote in
:

> "tert in seattle" > wrote in message
> ...
>> I've got some bread and a toaster
>>
>> now what?
>>
>
>
> Fill the bath tub. Plug in the toaster with an extension cord long
> enough to reach the tub. Get in the tub. Put bread in toaster, and
> press down the lever. Drop toaster into water.
>
>

You forgot to tell them to put on "white rabbit" on really, really, loud.

On Dec 15, 9:04 pm, Sarah Gray > wrote:
> "JoeSpareBedroom" > wrote :
>
> > "tert in seattle" > wrote in message
> ...
> >> I've got some bread and a toaster
>
> >> now what?
>
> > Fill the bath tub. Plug in the toaster with an extension cord long
> > enough to reach the tub. Get in the tub. Put bread in toaster, and
> > press down the lever. Drop toaster into water.
>
> You forgot to tell them to put on "white rabbit" on really, really, loud.

No, silly. That's for when you take the whole bottle of Tylenol.

--Bryan

"Bobo Bonobo(R)" > wrote in
:

> On Dec 15, 9:04 pm, Sarah Gray > wrote:
>> "JoeSpareBedroom" > wrote
>> :
>>
>> > "tert in seattle" > wrote in message
>> ...
>> >> I've got some bread and a toaster
>>
>> >> now what?
>>
>> > Fill the bath tub. Plug in the toaster with an extension cord long
>> > enough to reach the tub. Get in the tub. Put bread in toaster, and
>> > press down the lever. Drop toaster into water.
>>
>> You forgot to tell them to put on "white rabbit" on really, really,
>> loud.
>
> No, silly. That's for when you take the whole bottle of Tylenol.

Don't you mean Robitussin?

On Sat, 15 Dec 2007 14:30:59 -0800 (PST), "Bobo Bonobo(R)"
> fired up random neurons and synapses to opine:

>On Dec 14, 3:24 pm, Lou Decruss > wrote:
>> On Fri, 14 Dec 2007 21:23:55 +0000 (UTC), tert in seattle
>>
>> > wrote:
>> >I've got some bread and a toaster
>>
>> >now what?
>>
>> Stick a fork in the toaster to get it out. Make sure you have one
>> hand in the sink with the water running. It should work out ok.
>
>It'd really suck if some dumbass did that, died, and his survivors
>sued you

The "law" of unintended consequences - would it be cause-in-fact or
proximate cause? You be the judge :-)

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Proximate_cause

What the world (and USAian juris prudence desperately) needs is a
f*ckwit clause that makes f*ckwits liable for their own stupidity. And
I'm not talking about the mentally impaired. I'm talking about those
who do something utterly stupid, ill considered or reckless then want
[a fill-in-the-blank party who was ridiculously peripheral, but the
plaintiff was just looking for the deepest/most vulnerable pockets] to
enrich them for doing something utterly stupid, ill considered or
reckless.

Terry "Squeaks" Pulliam Burd...jaded litigation paralegal
--
"If the soup had been as hot as the claret, if the claret had been as
old as the bird, and if the bird's breasts had been as full as the
waitress's, it would have been a very good dinner."

-- Duncan Hines


To reply, replace "meatloaf" with "cox"

On Fri, 14 Dec 2007 21:23:55 +0000 (UTC), tert in seattle
> wrote:

>I've got some bread and a toaster
>
>now what?

Insert bread in toaster.

Push lever down.

Wait for smoke to roll out of the toaster.

Use fork to remove toast.

Use knife to scrape to desired shade of brown.

Use knife to spread cold butter pats on toast. Ignore holes in toast.

Eat.

>>
>> > "tert in seattle" > wrote in message
>> ...
>> >> I've got some bread and a toaster
>>
>> >> now what?
>>
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BILAF...eature=related

--
See return address to reply by email
remove the smiley face first

On Dec 15, 9:37 pm, Sarah Gray > wrote:
> "Bobo Bonobo(R)" > wrote :
>
>
>
>
>
> > On Dec 15, 9:04 pm, Sarah Gray > wrote:
> >> "JoeSpareBedroom" > wrote
> >> :
>
> >> > "tert in seattle" > wrote in message
> >> ...
> >> >> I've got some bread and a toaster
>
> >> >> now what?
>
> >> > Fill the bath tub. Plug in the toaster with an extension cord long
> >> > enough to reach the tub. Get in the tub. Put bread in toaster, and
> >> > press down the lever. Drop toaster into water.
>
> >> You forgot to tell them to put on "white rabbit" on really, really,
> >> loud.
>
> > No, silly. That's for when you take the whole bottle of Tylenol.
>
> Don't you mean Robitussin?
>

Because Mother gives it to you, and it doesn't "do anything at all"?

--Bryan

"Bobo Bonobo(R)" > wrote in
:

> On Dec 15, 9:37 pm, Sarah Gray > wrote:
>> "Bobo Bonobo(R)" > wrote
>> innews:923dab36-098b-49e0-b1e0-

>> m:
>>
>>
>>
>>
>>
>> > On Dec 15, 9:04 pm, Sarah Gray > wrote:
>> >> "JoeSpareBedroom" > wrote
>> >> :
>>
>> >> > "tert in seattle" > wrote in message
>> >> ...
>> >> >> I've got some bread and a toaster
>>
>> >> >> now what?
>>
>> >> > Fill the bath tub. Plug in the toaster with an extension cord
>> >> > long enough to reach the tub. Get in the tub. Put bread in
>> >> > toaster, and press down the lever. Drop toaster into water.
>>
>> >> You forgot to tell them to put on "white rabbit" on really,
>> >> really, loud.
>>
>> > No, silly. That's for when you take the whole bottle of Tylenol.
>>
>> Don't you mean Robitussin?
>>
>
> Because Mother gives it to you, and it doesn't "do anything at all"?
>
more because it whacks you out more than anything else I've ever
taken...