I have a friend who is a wonderful kind woman, not much of a cook, but
really nice, and lives in a lovely home in a nice neighbourhood. One of
her neighbour's is a chef. The chef's wife called and invited her and
her husband to a party for her chef husband. Our friend and the chef
family had been to a party at my brother's where my nephew had cooked a
quick roasted beef tenderloin fir a short time in a very hot oven.

Chef's wife extended this invitation to my friend and asked if she could
bring that dish. She also asked her to bring two bottles of wine, one
red and one white. She specified which wines. Then chef's wife asked
her to bring enough of the meat dish for 20. The date of the party is
also our friend's birthday.


Current prices for a whole beef tenderloin around her are about $80. The
wines turn out to be $20 a piece. My friend was not thrilled. She
discussed it with her husband, who said screw that we'll have our own
party her for that money. She called back the chef's wife, clarified the
date..... ooops sorry. I didn't know that my husband had planned a party
for me here on that night so sorry, but we can't make it.

The next day she got a call from another neighbour asking if she was
attending the party. Our friend said they had been invited but could
not attend because her husband was having a party for her. It seems that
chef's wife had called the other neighbour after our friend canceled
and asked her to bring the two beef tenderloins... and two bottles of
wine. So our friend asked the other neighbour if she was going...... no
way !!

I have to hand to to our friend that she was able to find a nice way to
decline the invitation. I am not sure how I would react to an
"invitation to a party" that is going to cost me $200. I have no problem
with a pot luck, but being expected to supply beef tenderloin for 20
people plus $40 worth of wine is a bit much, IMHO.

Dave Smith wrote:
>
> I have a friend who is a wonderful kind woman, not much of a cook, but
> really nice, and lives in a lovely home in a nice neighbourhood. One of
> her neighbour's is a chef. The chef's wife called and invited her and
> her husband to a party for her chef husband. Our friend and the chef
> family had been to a party at my brother's where my nephew had cooked a
> quick roasted beef tenderloin fir a short time in a very hot oven.
>
> Chef's wife extended this invitation to my friend and asked if she could
> bring that dish. She also asked her to bring two bottles of wine, one
> red and one white. She specified which wines. Then chef's wife asked
> her to bring enough of the meat dish for 20. The date of the party is
> also our friend's birthday.
>
> Current prices for a whole beef tenderloin around her are about $80. The
> wines turn out to be $20 a piece. My friend was not thrilled. She
> discussed it with her husband, who said screw that we'll have our own
> party her for that money. She called back the chef's wife, clarified the
> date..... ooops sorry. I didn't know that my husband had planned a party
> for me here on that night so sorry, but we can't make it.
>
> The next day she got a call from another neighbour asking if she was
> attending the party. Our friend said they had been invited but could
> not attend because her husband was having a party for her. It seems that
> chef's wife had called the other neighbour after our friend canceled
> and asked her to bring the two beef tenderloins... and two bottles of
> wine. So our friend asked the other neighbour if she was going...... no
> way !!
>
> I have to hand to to our friend that she was able to find a nice way to
> decline the invitation. I am not sure how I would react to an
> "invitation to a party" that is going to cost me $200. I have no problem
> with a pot luck, but being expected to supply beef tenderloin for 20
> people plus $40 worth of wine is a bit much, IMHO.

No Kidding!!!! Yeesh, some people! To invite someone to a party, then
to beg for the 'diggles' (high-priced ones too, at that) is a bit beyond
typical etiquette in my books. I agree - a potluck dinner is one thing,
but beef tenderloin roasts for 20 is something else!

Sky, who'd decline also

P.S. I'm surprised the hostess didn't also request sterling silver
tableware and lead crystal wine glasses in addition! <VBEG>

P.P.S. How did your friend find a nice way to decline?

--
Ultra Ultimate Kitchen Rule - Use the Timer!
Ultimate Kitchen Rule -- Cook's Choice

"Dave Smith" > wrote

> I have to hand to to our friend that she was able to find a nice way to
> decline the invitation. I am not sure how I would react to an
> "invitation to a party" that is going to cost me $200. I have no problem
> with a pot luck, but being expected to supply beef tenderloin for 20
> people plus $40 worth of wine is a bit much, IMHO.

You hear stories like this and every time you do it's just as
incredible. Okay, I think asking to bring the main course is
weird, but maybe if she'd offered to pay for it? Still. But then,
telling her what wines to bring?? Hello, pick it up yourself, that
takes no skill!

It's good for a laugh if it's not happening to you. I'm glad your
friend got out of it. Amazing concept, you throw a party and get
your guests to pay for it *and* do all the work!

nancy

Sky wrote:

>
>
> > Current prices for a whole beef tenderloin around her are about $80. The
> > wines turn out to be $20 a piece. My friend was not thrilled. She
> > discussed it with her husband, who said screw that we'll have our own
> > party her for that money. She called back the chef's wife, clarified the
> > date..... ooops sorry. I didn't know that my husband had planned a party
> > for me here on that night so sorry, but we can't make it.
> >
> > The next day she got a call from another neighbour asking if she was
> > attending the party. Our friend said they had been invited but could
> > not attend because her husband was having a party for her. It seems that
> > chef's wife had called the other neighbour after our friend canceled
> > and asked her to bring the two beef tenderloins... and two bottles of
> > wine. So our friend asked the other neighbour if she was going...... no
> > way !!
> >
> > I have to hand to to our friend that she was able to find a nice way to
> > decline the invitation. I am not sure how I would react to an
> > "invitation to a party" that is going to cost me $200. I have no problem
> > with a pot luck, but being expected to supply beef tenderloin for 20
> > people plus $40 worth of wine is a bit much, IMHO.
>
> No Kidding!!!! Yeesh, some people! To invite someone to a party, then
> to beg for the 'diggles' (high-priced ones too, at that) is a bit beyond
> typical etiquette in my books. I agree - a potluck dinner is one thing,
> but beef tenderloin roasts for 20 is something else!
>
> Sky, who'd decline also
>
> P.S. I'm surprised the hostess didn't also request sterling silver
> tableware and lead crystal wine glasses in addition! <VBEG>
>
> P.P.S. How did your friend find a nice way to decline?

She phoned back to check the date and then said that she didn't realize that
she as sorry but could not make it because her husband was throwing a party
for her that night. And that was true, though the decision for their party was
made later. It seems that chef's wife then called another neighbour and asked
her to bring the things that she had earlier asked our friend to bring. More
nerve than a tooth ache eh.

Nancy Young wrote:

> "You hear stories like this and every time you do it's just as
> incredible. Okay, I think asking to bring the main course is
> weird, but maybe if she'd offered to pay for it? Still. But then,
> telling her what wines to bring?? Hello, pick it up yourself, that
> takes no skill!
>
> It's good for a laugh if it's not happening to you. I'm glad your
> friend got out of it. Amazing concept, you throw a party and get
> your guests to pay for it *and* do all the work!
>

And to do it on such a grand scale. I would throw a lot more parties if I had
the cojones to expect neighbours I hardly know to put out big bucks to feed my
friends.

On May 30, 5:50*pm, "Nancy Young" > wrote:
>
> You hear stories like this and every time you do it's just as
> incredible. *Okay, I think asking to bring the main course is
> weird, but maybe if she'd offered to pay for it? *Still. *But then,
> telling her what wines to bring?? *Hello, pick it up yourself, that
> takes no skill! *

Stories like this are confusing. At first glance they may seem
outrageous, but there can be mitigating circumstances. For one thing,
"lovely home in a nice neighborhood" may mean they all have plenty of
money and $200 as the cost of contributing to a special party for her
husband may seem insignificant to the chef's wife. For another, wives
sometimes misjudge how close the friendship is between their husbands
and third parties. She may have thought they were close enough that
they'd welcome a big role in this surprise party. Then again, the
chef's wife just may be thoughtless. I guess my point is to not be
too quick to lambaste her on the basis of a second or third hand
report. Misunderstandings between neighbors have spawned a lot of
case studies for sociologists and lawyers. -aem

On May 30, 6:27*pm, Nina > wrote:
>
> I just think it's pretty outrageous to ask someone to bring something
> *and* specify exactly what it will be, more than the specific cost of
> it. *I mean, it's reasonable to say, "bring a dish for 20 people" or
> even "bring a salad <or whatever> for 20 people". *It's a little less
> reasonable to say, I want you to make exactly this dish and bring it
> with exactly this wine.

Sure, in most cases, but we don't really know the specifics here. In
particular, we don't know what the chef's wife had in mind for this
whole party. Chefs by nature have to controlling personalities, maybe
their wives are, too. <g>

I've certainly been asked to bring a specific dish to a potluck/
party. That's not so unusual. The wine selection is usually asked
more subtly..... -aem

"aem" > wrote

>On May 30, 5:50 pm, "Nancy Young" > wrote:
>
>> You hear stories like this and every time you do it's just as
>> incredible. Okay, I think asking to bring the main course is
>> weird, but maybe if she'd offered to pay for it? Still. But then,
>> telling her what wines to bring?? Hello, pick it up yourself, that
>> takes no skill!

>Stories like this are confusing. At first glance they may seem
>outrageous, but there can be mitigating circumstances. For one thing,
>"lovely home in a nice neighborhood" may mean they all have plenty of
>money and $200 as the cost of contributing to a special party for her
>husband may seem insignificant to the chef's wife. For another, wives
>sometimes misjudge how close the friendship is between their husbands
>and third parties. She may have thought they were close enough that
>they'd welcome a big role in this surprise party.

And when that didn't work out, she thought the other neighbor was
close enough to welcome that role?

I've seen crazy stories like this before. People throwing a party in
a restaurant, then when it was over, dividing the bill among the
surprised "guests" ... things like that.

nancy

Dave Smith wrote:
> I have a friend who is a wonderful kind woman, not much of a cook, but
> really nice, and lives in a lovely home in a nice neighbourhood. One of
> her neighbour's is a chef. The chef's wife called and invited her and
> her husband to a party for her chef husband. Our friend and the chef
> family had been to a party at my brother's where my nephew had cooked a
> quick roasted beef tenderloin fir a short time in a very hot oven.
>
> Chef's wife extended this invitation to my friend and asked if she could
> bring that dish. She also asked her to bring two bottles of wine, one
> red and one white. She specified which wines. Then chef's wife asked
> her to bring enough of the meat dish for 20. The date of the party is
> also our friend's birthday.
>

>
> I have to hand to to our friend that she was able to find a nice way to
> decline the invitation. I am not sure how I would react to an
> "invitation to a party" that is going to cost me $200. I have no problem
> with a pot luck, but being expected to supply beef tenderloin for 20
> people plus $40 worth of wine is a bit much, IMHO.



That's so rudely over-the-top that I'd consider it insulting.

Since the husband is a chef, they could at least have offered to
buy the meat and ask your friend to cook it. Otherwise they are
asking your friend to provide a party for them.

Is this common in their neighborhood?

gloria p

On Fri, 30 May 2008 19:51:03 -0400, Dave Smith
> fired up random neurons and synapses to
opine:

<snip>

>I have to hand to to our friend that she was able to find a nice way to
>decline the invitation. I am not sure how I would react to an
>"invitation to a party" that is going to cost me $200. I have no problem
>with a pot luck, but being expected to supply beef tenderloin for 20
>people plus $40 worth of wine is a bit much, IMHO.
>
That was not an invitation, IMHO. That was a request for your friend
to cater the dinner for free.

Terry "Squeaks" Pulliam Burd
--
"If the soup had been as hot as the claret, if the claret had been as
old as the bird, and if the bird's breasts had been as full as the
waitress's, it would have been a very good dinner."

-- Duncan Hines

To reply, replace "meatloaf" with "cox"

Dave Smith wrote:
>
> Sky wrote:
(snippers)
> >
> > P.P.S. How did your friend find a nice way to decline?
>
> She phoned back to check the date and then said that she didn't realize that
> she as sorry but could not make it because her husband was throwing a party
> for her that night. And that was true, though the decision for their party was
> made later. It seems that chef's wife then called another neighbour and asked
> her to bring the things that she had earlier asked our friend to bring. More
> nerve than a tooth ache eh.

Heh, I think I'd rather have dinner with a dentist than that particular
chef or chef's wife!

Sky

--
Ultra Ultimate Kitchen Rule - Use the Timer!
Ultimate Kitchen Rule -- Cook's Choice

On Fri 30 May 2008 04:51:03p, Dave Smith told us...

> I have a friend who is a wonderful kind woman, not much of a cook, but
> really nice, and lives in a lovely home in a nice neighbourhood. One of
> her neighbour's is a chef. The chef's wife called and invited her and
> her husband to a party for her chef husband. Our friend and the chef
> family had been to a party at my brother's where my nephew had cooked a
> quick roasted beef tenderloin fir a short time in a very hot oven.

The chef's wife is nothing but a conniving cheap bitch! I'd see her in hell
before I'd get sucked into that.

--
Wayne Boatwright
-------------------------------------------
Friday, 05(V)/30(XXX)/08(MMVIII)
-------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------
If at first you don't succeed, work
for Microsoft.
-------------------------------------------

"Nancy Young" > wrote in message
. ..
>
> "aem" > wrote
>>On May 30, 5:50 pm, "Nancy Young" > wrote:
>>
>>> You hear stories like this and every time you do it's just as
>>> incredible. Okay, I think asking to bring the main course is
>>> weird, but maybe if she'd offered to pay for it? Still. But then,
>>> telling her what wines to bring?? Hello, pick it up yourself, that
>>> takes no skill!
>
>>Stories like this are confusing. At first glance they may seem
>>outrageous, but there can be mitigating circumstances. For one thing,
>>"lovely home in a nice neighborhood" may mean they all have plenty of
>>money and $200 as the cost of contributing to a special party for her
>>husband may seem insignificant to the chef's wife. For another, wives
>>sometimes misjudge how close the friendship is between their husbands
>>and third parties. She may have thought they were close enough that
>>they'd welcome a big role in this surprise party.
>
> And when that didn't work out, she thought the other neighbor was
> close enough to welcome that role?
>
> I've seen crazy stories like this before. People throwing a party in
> a restaurant, then when it was over, dividing the bill among the
> surprised "guests" ... things like that.
> nancy

ugh. I have had that happen. At a steak place that was well over my budget.
I was invited to a 'party' I ate a baked potato and salad (At the time I
wasn't eating animal products) and then they took the bill and split it 10
ways. I ended up paying 3X as much as I would have if I just had paid my
own bill. I was young and didn't say anything. I would now.

"Dave Smith" > wrote in message
m...
>I have a friend who is a wonderful kind woman, not much of a cook, but
>really nice, and lives in a lovely home in a nice neighbourhood. One of her
>neighbour's is a chef. The chef's wife called and invited her and her
>husband to a party for her chef husband. Our friend and the chef family had
>been to a party at my brother's where my nephew had cooked a quick roasted
>beef tenderloin fir a short time in a very hot oven.
>
> Chef's wife extended this invitation to my friend and asked if she could
> bring that dish. She also asked her to bring two bottles of wine, one red
> and one white. She specified which wines. Then chef's wife asked her to
> bring enough of the meat dish for 20. The date of the party is also our
> friend's birthday.
>
>
> Current prices for a whole beef tenderloin around her are about $80. The
> wines turn out to be $20 a piece. My friend was not thrilled. She
> discussed it with her husband, who said screw that we'll have our own
> party her for that money. She called back the chef's wife, clarified the
> date..... ooops sorry. I didn't know that my husband had planned a party
> for me here on that night so sorry, but we can't make it.
>
> The next day she got a call from another neighbour asking if she was
> attending the party. Our friend said they had been invited but could not
> attend because her husband was having a party for her. It seems that
> chef's wife had called the other neighbour after our friend canceled and
> asked her to bring the two beef tenderloins... and two bottles of wine.
> So our friend asked the other neighbour if she was going...... no way !!
>
> I have to hand to to our friend that she was able to find a nice way to
> decline the invitation. I am not sure how I would react to an "invitation
> to a party" that is going to cost me $200. I have no problem with a pot
> luck, but being expected to supply beef tenderloin for 20 people plus $40
> worth of wine is a bit much, IMHO.
>
>
>

ugh, next thing you know the "chef" will want to hold the party at your
friends house.

"Dave Smith" wrote

>I have a friend who is a wonderful kind woman, not much of a cook, but
>really nice, and lives in a lovely home in a nice neighbourhood. One of her
>neighbour's is a chef. The chef's wife called and invited her and her
>husband to a party for her chef husband. Our friend and the chef family had
>been to a party at my brother's where my nephew had cooked a quick roasted
>beef tenderloin fir a short time in a very hot oven.
>
> Chef's wife extended this invitation to my friend and asked if she could
> bring that dish. She also asked her to bring two bottles of wine, one red
> and one white. She specified which wines. Then chef's wife asked her to
> bring enough of the meat dish for 20. The date of the party is also our
> friend's birthday.

First mistake. There are potlucks, and there are acceptable limits. You
just do not tag a person to a meal for *your party* then tell them what to
bring. Especially 'pork loin for 20 plus wine'.

Friend dove out well but someone needs to bop that neighbor on the head with
a 'Ms Manners' book.

On Fri, 30 May 2008 19:51:03 -0400, Dave Smith
> wrote:

>I have to hand to to our friend that she was able to find a nice way to
>decline the invitation. I am not sure how I would react to an
>"invitation to a party" that is going to cost me $200. I have no problem
>with a pot luck, but being expected to supply beef tenderloin for 20
>people plus $40 worth of wine is a bit much, IMHO.

It sounds like the people are social misfits. I usually decline when
people ask what they can bring unless I know they're big drinkers.
Then I ask them to bring whatever they want to drink. Usually people
who down a dozen beers bring their own anyway. Potlucks are fine, but
the host should always provide the main dish. IMO

If you can't afford the party then don't have it.

Lou

"Nina" wrote

> I just think it's pretty outrageous to ask someone to bring something
> *and* specify exactly what it will be, more than the specific cost of
> it. I mean, it's reasonable to say, "bring a dish for 20 people" or
> even "bring a salad <or whatever> for 20 people". It's a little less
> reasonable to say, I want you to make exactly this dish and bring it
> with exactly this wine.

Grin, I'm with you though I will allow being asked for a few of my signiture
dishes. They are easy and not too expensive. If someone asked me to bring
my 'dashi-tofu-seaweed-miso with rice' soup for 20, I wouldnt be upset. Now
the wine? Hostess job unless I said (or was known) as a non-cook and
*asked* what I could bring. Then a list of wine types desired would be
acceptable.

Ms Manners, demand no more than good convivial behavior of your guests, let
them chose the rest. A list of what they want to bring presented to others
to aviod too much duplication is acceptable for a pot-luck/cookout.

Grin, doing one at work next week. I'm bringing fresh bread from the
breadmaker and my 'butter garlic loaf' (stick of butter rolled in garlic,
onion, parsley, and parmesan with a little paprika). We'll firm up who's
got what onhand later and I might add a meatball-pasta dish if it seems
there isnt a main one. One of the guys lives in the barracks with minimal
cooking facilities so will be bringing some nice cheeses (I'm to bring my
cheese slicer) and another is bringing some green salad stuff.

"Lou Decruss" wrote

> It sounds like the people are social misfits. I usually decline when

Or just clueless, or make so much more than their neighbors (nice
neighborhood doesnt indicate much, I live in a nice one too but we dont have
200$ a person gifts of potluck foods going around!).

> people ask what they can bring unless I know they're big drinkers.

I find the standard 'BYOB' acceptable for a backyard party at my house.

> the host should always provide the main dish. IMO

Yup at my yard, I have the burgers and such. At work, being senior I
provide a main dish as well if another hasnt got something special they want
to share. Work ones are small, just 6 of us. I'm the only one who makes
bread so normally thats what they want me to do. A chance to get some good
stuff intead of 'wonderbread-white-gunk'.

On Sat, 31 May 2008 02:15:46 GMT, Wayne Boatwright
> wrote:

>On Fri 30 May 2008 04:51:03p, Dave Smith told us...
>
>> I have a friend who is a wonderful kind woman, not much of a cook, but
>> really nice, and lives in a lovely home in a nice neighbourhood. One of
>> her neighbour's is a chef. The chef's wife called and invited her and
>> her husband to a party for her chef husband. Our friend and the chef
>> family had been to a party at my brother's where my nephew had cooked a
>> quick roasted beef tenderloin fir a short time in a very hot oven.
>
>The chef's wife is nothing but a conniving cheap bitch! I'd see her in hell
>before I'd get sucked into that.

Wayne, quit pussyfooting around and tell us how you really feel ;-)

koko
---
http://www.kokoscorner.typepad.com
updated 5/25
"There is no love more sincere than the love of food"
George Bernard Shaw

On Fri, 30 May 2008 19:38:15 -0500, Sky >
wrote:

>No Kidding!!!! Yeesh, some people!

How ever much chutzpah it took for the chef's wife to ask that person
what she did, it still reminds me of the time we hosted an xmas season
party that included close neighbors and long time friends. People
called to ask what they could bring.... I'd been to dinner at my
across the street neighbor's a few times and eaten her scrumptious
turkey at least twice (the stuffing had chervil in it and I couldn't
get enough of it). Well, she asked what she could bring and I
jokingly said "Turkey". She said yes immediately! I was shocked
(embarrassed for saying it - because I expected her to turn me down,
albeit good naturedly) and told her I was just joking, but she
insisted on bringing the turkey - and she did. I'll never forget that
act of pure generosity.

--
See return address to reply by email
remove the smile first

On Fri, 30 May 2008 21:41:38 -0400, "Nancy Young" >
wrote:

>
>"aem" > wrote
>
>>On May 30, 5:50 pm, "Nancy Young" > wrote:
>>
>>> You hear stories like this and every time you do it's just as
>>> incredible. Okay, I think asking to bring the main course is
>>> weird, but maybe if she'd offered to pay for it? Still. But then,
>>> telling her what wines to bring?? Hello, pick it up yourself, that
>>> takes no skill!
>
>>Stories like this are confusing. At first glance they may seem
>>outrageous, but there can be mitigating circumstances. For one thing,
>>"lovely home in a nice neighborhood" may mean they all have plenty of
>>money and $200 as the cost of contributing to a special party for her
>>husband may seem insignificant to the chef's wife. For another, wives
>>sometimes misjudge how close the friendship is between their husbands
>>and third parties. She may have thought they were close enough that
>>they'd welcome a big role in this surprise party.
>
>And when that didn't work out, she thought the other neighbor was
>close enough to welcome that role?
>
>I've seen crazy stories like this before. People throwing a party in
>a restaurant, then when it was over, dividing the bill among the
>surprised "guests" ... things like that.

I wouldn't pay anything if it was an invited party, and it would end
the friendship.

I have a family member who threw a birthday party for one of the kids
at a pizza joint. The kid got at least 2 grand in cash and gifts.
$100 from me. When the bill came, family member complained how
expensive it was having kids and these parties, and mentioned the bill
was $196. Was I supposed to "pitch in" for the 2 beers and piece of
pizza I already paid $100 for? A few weeks later the family members
wife was complaining about people who give checks and gift
certificates rather than cash because she has to run the kids around
to take care of things. That was the last birthday party we went to
and we don't send gifts to their kids either. Unfortunately idiots
sometimes reside in your own family. My/our friends would never be
so tacky as we've chosen them well.

Lou

On Sat, 31 May 2008 01:57:16 GMT, "Michael \"Dog3\""
> wrote:

>Now that is a different kind of invite... A very pricey invite. I would
>probably do it if the party was for a charitable cause and people were
>making donations to attend the party I'd consider it depending upon the
>cause but just to have a party and expect that type of outlay from a guest
>is rather tacky IMO. Actually it's really tacky.

Heh, no kidding.... it tells you what kind of person she is and what
kind of people she wants around her. You know the old saying: With
friends like that, you don't need enemies.

--
See return address to reply by email
remove the smile first

In article >,
says...
>
> "Dave Smith" > wrote
>
> > I have to hand to to our friend that she was able to find a nice way to
> > decline the invitation. I am not sure how I would react to an
> > "invitation to a party" that is going to cost me $200. I have no problem
> > with a pot luck, but being expected to supply beef tenderloin for 20
> > people plus $40 worth of wine is a bit much, IMHO.
>
> You hear stories like this and every time you do it's just as
> incredible. Okay, I think asking to bring the main course is
> weird, but maybe if she'd offered to pay for it? Still. But then,
> telling her what wines to bring?? Hello, pick it up yourself, that
> takes no skill!
>
> It's good for a laugh if it's not happening to you. I'm glad your
> friend got out of it. Amazing concept, you throw a party and get
> your guests to pay for it *and* do all the work!
>
> nancy
>


That's something that doesn't happen with my circle of friends. The only
standing order is that if you don't like something or most things on the
menu then you're welcome to bring a dish of your own.

Otherwise no requirements. Food and wine are provided at the event by us
since we are after all the ones hosting.

Some people just don't understand the concept.

On May 30, 8:59*pm, Sky > wrote:
> Dave Smith wrote:
>
> > Sky wrote:
> (snippers)
>
> > > P.P.S. *How did your friend find a nice way to decline?
>
> > She phoned back to check the date and then said that she didn't realize that
> > she as sorry but could not make it because her husband was throwing a party
> > for her that night. And that was true, though the decision for their party was
> > made later. *It seems that chef's wife then called another neighbour and asked
> > her to bring the things that she had earlier asked our friend to bring. More
> > nerve than a tooth ache eh.

Seriously obnoxious folks. I'd write them off for good unless they
were relatives or I had an important business relationshit with them.
>
> Heh, I think I'd rather have dinner with a dentist than that particular
> chef or chef's wife!

I agree with the sentiment, but I'd say that it would be a very odd
dentist who would subject his/her dinner guests to the dentist's drill
at a dinner party.
>
> Sky

--Bryan

"Dave Smith" > wrote in message
m...
>I have a friend who is a wonderful kind woman, not much of a cook, but
>really nice, and lives in a lovely home in a nice neighbourhood. One of her
>neighbour's is a chef. The chef's wife called and invited her and her
>husband to a party for her chef husband. Our friend and the chef family had
>been to a party at my brother's where my nephew had cooked a quick roasted
>beef tenderloin fir a short time in a very hot oven.
>
> Chef's wife extended this invitation to my friend and asked if she could
> bring that dish. She also asked her to bring two bottles of wine, one red
> and one white. She specified which wines. Then chef's wife asked her to
> bring enough of the meat dish for 20. The date of the party is also our
> friend's birthday.
>
>
> Current prices for a whole beef tenderloin around her are about $80. The
> wines turn out to be $20 a piece. My friend was not thrilled. She
> discussed it with her husband, who said screw that we'll have our own
> party her for that money. She called back the chef's wife, clarified the
> date..... ooops sorry. I didn't know that my husband had planned a party
> for me here on that night so sorry, but we can't make it.
>
> The next day she got a call from another neighbour asking if she was
> attending the party. Our friend said they had been invited but could not
> attend because her husband was having a party for her. It seems that
> chef's wife had called the other neighbour after our friend canceled and
> asked her to bring the two beef tenderloins... and two bottles of wine.
> So our friend asked the other neighbour if she was going...... no way !!
>
> I have to hand to to our friend that she was able to find a nice way to
> decline the invitation. I am not sure how I would react to an "invitation
> to a party" that is going to cost me $200. I have no problem with a pot
> luck, but being expected to supply beef tenderloin for 20 people plus $40
> worth of wine is a bit much, IMHO.


This has happened to me more than once and yet I went anyay. Thanksgiving
has meant I supply the turkey, home made dinner rolls, 2 bottles of wine and
often a couple of pies as well. The others bring the usual carrot salad or
potatoes or something quick and easy and cheap. I easily shell out 150
bucks and I resent it. So not this year, I am making other plans.

Paul

aem wrote:
> On May 30, 5:50 pm, "Nancy Young" > wrote:
>> You hear stories like this and every time you do it's just as
>> incredible. Okay, I think asking to bring the main course is
>> weird, but maybe if she'd offered to pay for it? Still. But then,
>> telling her what wines to bring?? Hello, pick it up yourself, that
>> takes no skill!
>
> Stories like this are confusing. At first glance they may seem
> outrageous, but there can be mitigating circumstances. For one thing,
> "lovely home in a nice neighborhood" may mean they all have plenty of
> money and $200 as the cost of contributing to a special party for her
> husband may seem insignificant to the chef's wife. For another, wives
> sometimes misjudge how close the friendship is between their husbands
> and third parties. She may have thought they were close enough that
> they'd welcome a big role in this surprise party. Then again, the
> chef's wife just may be thoughtless. I guess my point is to not be
> too quick to lambaste her on the basis of a second or third hand
> report. Misunderstandings between neighbors have spawned a lot of
> case studies for sociologists and lawyers. -aem

I find the entire instance too hard to comprehend. Maybe it's because I
was raised with the concept that a guest honors you by accepting an
invitation to your home. Hospitality is up there with the same rule that
says it's a good deed to visit the sick.

I have no doubts that the story is true, and I give aem credit for
attempting to find the positive side of it, but I just can't wrap my
brain around a $200 invite to a house party.


--
Janet Wilder
Bad spelling. Bad punctuation
Good Friends. Good Life

aem wrote:

>
> I've certainly been asked to bring a specific dish to a potluck/
> party. That's not so unusual. The wine selection is usually asked
> more subtly..... -aem
>

I have been to hundreds of pot lucks and have, on occasion, been asked
to bring a specific type of dish, but never $200 worth!

--
Janet Wilder
Bad spelling. Bad punctuation
Good Friends. Good Life

"Dave Smith" > ha scritto nel messaggio
m...
>I have a friend who is a wonderful kind woman, not much of a cook, but
>really nice, and lives in a lovely home in a nice neighbourhood. One of her
>neighbour's is a chef. The chef's wife called and invited her and her
>husband to a party for her chef husband. Our friend and the chef family had
>been to a party at my brother's where my nephew had cooked a quick roasted
>beef tenderloin fir a short time in a very hot oven.
>
> Chef's wife extended this invitation to my friend and asked if she could
> bring that dish. She also asked her to bring two bottles of wine, one red
> and one white. She specified which wines. Then chef's wife asked her to
> bring enough of the meat dish for 20. The date of the party is also our
> friend's birthday.

It never ceases to amaze me at how clueless and rude people dare to be. I
love potluck but potluck is defined by being a grab bag, not an order what
you want, other than perhpas which course.

So said neighbor puts the hit on everybody, sets a pretty table and then
takes credit for having entertained eleagantly. Next thing you know she's
chastising people who don't entertain, telling them that it is easy and
hardly expensive at all.
--
http://www.judithgreenwood.com

"aem" > ha scritto nel messaggio
...
On May 30, 6:27 pm, Nina > wrote:
>
> I just think it's pretty outrageous to ask someone to bring something
> *and* specify exactly what it will be, more than the specific cost of
> it. I mean, it's reasonable to say, "bring a dish for 20 people" or
> even "bring a salad <or whatever> for 20 people". It's a little less
> reasonable to say, I want you to make exactly this dish and bring it
> with exactly this wine.

Sure, in most cases, but we don't really know the specifics here. In
particular, we don't know what the chef's wife had in mind for this
whole party. Chefs by nature have to controlling personalities, maybe
their wives are, too. <g>

I've certainly been asked to bring a specific dish to a potluck/
party. That's not so unusual. The wine selection is usually asked
more subtly..... -aem

Really aem, if you can find anyway in which to make this situation normal,
you need to look further for friends. When I ask what cxan I bring, I am
often told, "An American dessert!" but never which and never for X number of
people, because I would not be expected to bring servings for all the
guests. Others would be providing other choices.

On Fri 30 May 2008 08:16:07p, told us...

> On Sat, 31 May 2008 02:15:46 GMT, Wayne Boatwright
> > wrote:
>
>>On Fri 30 May 2008 04:51:03p, Dave Smith told us...
>>
>>> I have a friend who is a wonderful kind woman, not much of a cook,
>>> but really nice, and lives in a lovely home in a nice neighbourhood.
>>> One of her neighbour's is a chef. The chef's wife called and invited
>>> her and her husband to a party for her chef husband. Our friend and
>>> the chef family had been to a party at my brother's where my nephew
>>> had cooked a quick roasted beef tenderloin fir a short time in a very
>>> hot oven.
>>
>>The chef's wife is nothing but a conniving cheap bitch! I'd see her in
>>hell before I'd get sucked into that.
>
> Wayne, quit pussyfooting around and tell us how you really feel ;-)
>
> koko

Koko, traits of people that bother me the most are those that are
insulting, humiliating, taking advantage, and dishonesty. Unfortunately,
some people have all of them. I have a high tolerance for many other
things, but not those. I wish I could keep my mouth shut sometimes, but I
can't always manage it. I think it actually bothers me more when it
happens to other people than when it happens to me.

--
Wayne Boatwright
-------------------------------------------
Friday, 05(V)/30(XXX)/08(MMVIII)
-------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------
Eggs on top, canned goods on the bottom...
-------------------------------------------

Dave Smith wrote:
>
> I have to hand to to our friend that she was able to find a nice way
> to decline the invitation. I am not sure how I would react to an
> "invitation to a party" that is going to cost me $200. I have no
> problem with a pot luck, but being expected to supply beef tenderloin
> for 20 people plus $40 worth of wine is a bit much, IMHO.

Greater justice would be to agree to it,
then at the last minute "I've got the flu".

On Sat 31 May 2008 12:35:15a, Mark Thorson told us...

> Dave Smith wrote:
>>
>> I have to hand to to our friend that she was able to find a nice way
>> to decline the invitation. I am not sure how I would react to an
>> "invitation to a party" that is going to cost me $200. I have no
>> problem with a pot luck, but being expected to supply beef tenderloin
>> for 20 people plus $40 worth of wine is a bit much, IMHO.
>
> Greater justice would be to agree to it,
> then at the last minute "I've got the flu".
>

Brilliant!

--
Wayne Boatwright
-------------------------------------------
Saturday, 05(V)/31(XXXI)/08(MMVIII)
-------------------------------------------
-------------------------------------------
It's not for you or I, Carruthers; nor
for the regiment: it's for the Empire.
-------------------------------------------

Giusi wrote:
> "Dave Smith" > ha scritto nel messaggio
> m...
>> I have a friend who is a wonderful kind woman, not much of a cook,
>> but really nice, and lives in a lovely home in a nice neighbourhood.
>> One of her neighbour's is a chef. The chef's wife called and invited
>> her and her husband to a party for her chef husband. Our friend and
>> the chef family had been to a party at my brother's where my nephew
>> had cooked a quick roasted beef tenderloin fir a short time in a
>> very hot oven. Chef's wife extended this invitation to my friend and
>> asked if she
>> could bring that dish. She also asked her to bring two bottles of
>> wine, one red and one white. She specified which wines. Then chef's
>> wife asked her to bring enough of the meat dish for 20. The date of
>> the party is also our friend's birthday.
>
> It never ceases to amaze me at how clueless and rude people dare to
> be. I love potluck but potluck is defined by being a grab bag, not
> an order what you want, other than perhpas which course.
>
> So said neighbor puts the hit on everybody, sets a pretty table and
> then takes credit for having entertained eleagantly. Next thing you
> know she's chastising people who don't entertain, telling them that
> it is easy and hardly expensive at all.

As it is her birthday, she has a good reason to decline the invitation.

"Ophelia" > wrote

> Giusi wrote:
>> "Dave Smith" > ha scritto nel messaggio

>>> the chef family had been to a party at my brother's where my nephew
>>> had cooked a quick roasted beef tenderloin fir a short time in a
>>> very hot oven. Chef's wife extended this invitation to my friend and
>>> asked if she
>>> could bring that dish. She also asked her to bring two bottles of
>>> wine, one red and one white. She specified which wines. Then chef's
>>> wife asked her to bring enough of the meat dish for 20. The date of
>>> the party is also our friend's birthday.
>>
>> It never ceases to amaze me at how clueless and rude people dare to
>> be. I love potluck but potluck is defined by being a grab bag, not
>> an order what you want, other than perhpas which course.
>>
>> So said neighbor puts the hit on everybody, sets a pretty table and
>> then takes credit for having entertained eleagantly. Next thing you
>> know she's chastising people who don't entertain, telling them that
>> it is easy and hardly expensive at all.
>
> As it is her birthday, she has a good reason to decline the invitation.

You mean Another good reason. (laugh)

nancy

"cshenk" > wrote

> "Dave Smith" wrote
>
>>I have a friend who is a wonderful kind woman, not much of a cook, but
>>really nice, and lives in a lovely home in a nice neighbourhood. One of
>>her neighbour's is a chef. The chef's wife called and invited her and her
>>husband to a party for her chef husband. Our friend and the chef family
>>had been to a party at my brother's where my nephew had cooked a quick
>>roasted beef tenderloin fir a short time in a very hot oven.
>>
>> Chef's wife extended this invitation to my friend and asked if she could
>> bring that dish. She also asked her to bring two bottles of wine, one red
>> and one white. She specified which wines. Then chef's wife asked her to
>> bring enough of the meat dish for 20. The date of the party is also our
>> friend's birthday.
>
> First mistake. There are potlucks, and there are acceptable limits. You
> just do not tag a person to a meal for *your party* then tell them what to
> bring. Especially 'pork loin for 20 plus wine'.

Beef tenderloin, no less! That's a luxury purchase even for myself, never
mind some person I'm not close to. Heck, if a friend is a very good one
and you're given to trading big favors, it would be a different story.
There
are people who I wouldn't begrudge bringing the main course and the wine,
there would have to be some weird situation for it to come up, though.
My friends wouldn't call me, come on over for Ray's birthday, and bring
food and wine for 20! Come on!

In the past, when my mother still held holiday dinners at her place,
I routinely brought the main course, sides & dessert to take the load
off her. I think that's normal. It's too much to ask her to do all that
work at her age, by herself.

I have nothing against people bringing food to a party. This one went
far beyond a simple pot luck or special request.

nancy

"Dave Smith" > wrote in message
m...
>I have a friend who is a wonderful kind woman, not much of a cook, but
>really nice, and lives in a lovely home in a nice neighbourhood. One of her
>neighbour's is a chef. The chef's wife called and invited her and her
>husband to a party for her chef husband. Our friend and the chef family had
>been to a party at my brother's where my nephew had cooked a quick roasted
>beef tenderloin fir a short time in a very hot oven.
>
> Chef's wife extended this invitation to my friend and asked if she could
> bring that dish. She also asked her to bring two bottles of wine, one red
> and one white. She specified which wines. Then chef's wife asked her to
> bring enough of the meat dish for 20. The date of the party is also our
> friend's birthday.
>
>
> Current prices for a whole beef tenderloin around her are about $80. The
> wines turn out to be $20 a piece. My friend was not thrilled. She
> discussed it with her husband, who said screw that we'll have our own
> party her for that money. She called back the chef's wife, clarified the
> date..... ooops sorry. I didn't know that my husband had planned a party
> for me here on that night so sorry, but we can't make it.
>
> The next day she got a call from another neighbour asking if she was
> attending the party. Our friend said they had been invited but could not
> attend because her husband was having a party for her. It seems that
> chef's wife had called the other neighbour after our friend canceled and
> asked her to bring the two beef tenderloins... and two bottles of wine.
> So our friend asked the other neighbour if she was going...... no way !!
>
> I have to hand to to our friend that she was able to find a nice way to
> decline the invitation. I am not sure how I would react to an "invitation
> to a party" that is going to cost me $200. I have no problem with a pot
> luck, but being expected to supply beef tenderloin for 20 people plus $40
> worth of wine is a bit much, IMHO.
>
>
>

Be 'out of town' that weekend.

Kswck wrote:
> "Dave Smith" > wrote in message
> m...

>> I have to hand to to our friend that she was able to find a nice way to
>> decline the invitation. I am not sure how I would react to an "invitation
>> to a party" that is going to cost me $200. I have no problem with a pot
>> luck, but being expected to supply beef tenderloin for 20 people plus $40
>> worth of wine is a bit much, IMHO.
>>
>>
>>
>
> Be 'out of town' that weekend.

There's no need to give excuses, especially ones that are easily seen
through. It's fine just to say, "Oh, sorry, we won't be able to make it
(or "we have other plans that night"). Have a wonderful time!"

Serene

Serene responded:

> There's no need to give excuses, especially ones that are easily seen
> through. It's fine just to say, "Oh, sorry, we won't be able to make it
> (or "we have other plans that night"). Have a wonderful time!"

But that *is* an easy-to-reveal excuse unless you plan to abandon your house
that evening simply to avoid being caught in a lie. Why not tell the REAL
truth? "I'd like to come to your party, but I think it would be too much of
a burden for me to provide two expensive bottles of wine and roasted beef
tenderloin for twenty people, most of whom are strangers to me."

Bob

Bob Terwilliger wrote:
> Serene responded:
>
>> There's no need to give excuses, especially ones that are easily seen
>> through. It's fine just to say, "Oh, sorry, we won't be able to make it
>> (or "we have other plans that night"). Have a wonderful time!"
>
> But that *is* an easy-to-reveal excuse unless you plan to abandon your
> house that evening simply to avoid being caught in a lie.

Nonsense. "We have other plans" doesn't say whether the plans are
outside or inside your home. It's not a lie at all, even if your only
other plans are to be as far from that party as possible.

> Why not tell
> the REAL truth? "I'd like to come to your party, but I think it would be
> too much of a burden for me to provide two expensive bottles of wine and
> roasted beef tenderloin for twenty people, most of whom are strangers to
> me."

I might do that for someone I was close to. For a casual acquaintance, I
think a polite "no, thank you" suffices and creates the least drama.

Serene

Serene wrote:

>>> There's no need to give excuses, especially ones that are easily seen
>>> through. It's fine just to say, "Oh, sorry, we won't be able to make it
>>> (or "we have other plans that night"). Have a wonderful time!"
>>
>> But that *is* an easy-to-reveal excuse unless you plan to abandon your
>> house that evening simply to avoid being caught in a lie.
>
> Nonsense. "We have other plans" doesn't say whether the plans are outside
> or inside your home. It's not a lie at all, even if your only other plans
> are to be as far from that party as possible.

Mendacity. "We have other plans," while vague enough to TECHNICALLY mean
very little, in context implies that you have some SPECIAL plans for the
evening involving something other than sitting around the house. If the
hostess finds that you were staying at home that evening, and that's what
your "other plans" were, don't you think she'd be insulted?



>> Why not tell the REAL truth? "I'd like to come to your party, but I think
>> it would be too much of a burden for me to provide two expensive bottles
>> of wine and roasted beef tenderloin for twenty people, most of whom are
>> strangers to me."
>
> I might do that for someone I was close to. For a casual acquaintance, I
> think a polite "no, thank you" suffices and creates the least drama.

I agree that a simple "No, thank you" (with no further embellishment) would
suffice, but that's a completely different answer than your earlier
recommendation of saying, "We have other plans." As I see it, I'm answering
a rude request by telling the truth. You're answering a rude request by
evading the truth. Which behavior do you think will result in future
rudeness from that person?

(Before this degenerates too much further, I should mention that I have
nothing but the highest esteem for Serene.)

Bob