Many people have heard me talk of my aunt & uncle that I visit every year in
Wisconsin, LaVern & Margaret. On our way to my mom's surgery, we got word from my
cousin Dee that LaVern had fallen ill with pneumonia, and because he had emphysema,
his lungs had just given up. At 88 yrs old, he wasn't a candidate for any possible
measures of help. My aunt, who is just about the nicest, sweetest, and most loving
person I've ever seen, heard of, or read about, has to make the decision to turn off
his ventilator, which is the only thing keeping him alive.

Much as I would love to be able to go out there and be there for her, I simply cannot
afford to. Still I would like to show my love and support, and send her some things
that would be helpful to her right now. I don't know how to explain it other than I'd
like to send things that she's going to need, but won't have time to worry about. I
don't know what else to do.

Any ideas? They'll all be appreciated.

kimberly

In article >, "Nexis" >
wrote:

> Many people have heard me talk of my aunt & uncle that I visit every year in
> Wisconsin, LaVern & Margaret. On our way to my mom's surgery, we got word
> from my
> cousin Dee that LaVern had fallen ill with pneumonia, and because he had
> emphysema,
> his lungs had just given up. At 88 yrs old, he wasn't a candidate for any
> possible
> measures of help. My aunt, who is just about the nicest, sweetest, and most
> loving
> person I've ever seen, heard of, or read about, has to make the decision to
> turn off
> his ventilator, which is the only thing keeping him alive.
>
> Much as I would love to be able to go out there and be there for her, I
> simply cannot
> afford to. Still I would like to show my love and support, and send her some
> things
> that would be helpful to her right now. I don't know how to explain it other
> than I'd
> like to send things that she's going to need, but won't have time to worry
> about. I
> don't know what else to do.
>
> Any ideas? They'll all be appreciated.

Call a local grocery store in your aunt's area and explain the situation
and see if they can take an order on the phone and deliver it to her. At
this time of need, your aunt probably won't have time to cook, so maybe
she could use some pre-made meals such as a roasted chicken, meat loaf,
and such, especially if she's going to have company over.

On Jun 1, 12:47�am, "Nexis" > wrote:
> Many people have heard me talk of my aunt & uncle that I visit every year in
> Wisconsin, LaVern & Margaret. On our way to my mom's surgery, we got word from my
> cousin Dee that LaVern had fallen ill with pneumonia, and because he had emphysema,
> his lungs had just given up. At 88 yrs old, he wasn't a candidate for any possible
> measures of help. My aunt, who is just about the nicest, sweetest, and most loving
> person I've ever seen, heard of, or read about, has to make the decision to turn off
> his ventilator, which is the only thing keeping him alive.
>
> Much as I would love to be able to go out there and be there for her, I simply cannot
> afford to. Still I would like to show my love and support, and send her some things
> that would be helpful to her right now. I don't know how to explain it other than I'd
> like to send things that she's going to need, but won't have time to worry about. I
> don't know what else to do.
>
> Any ideas? They'll all be appreciated.

Since you can't be there the next best thing is to phone to express
your concern, and perhaps ask if she needs anything specifically... I
can't imagine she does unless she needs money (but you would already
know that). It's highly inappropriate (not to mention insulting) to
send a premature condolence gift.

Your request sounds more like you're experiencing personal guilt
because you're not able to afford to visit... please don't, your
physical presence may not even be wanted at this time, your presence
may present more a burden than any assistance you can provide. Since
you don't live nearby the *only* appropriate act on your part is to
phone, do not under any circumstances send anything before asking and
receiving approval. After your uncle passes only then send an
appropriate condolence gift; flowers, candy, cakes/cookies/fruit/wine
basket, etc. I'm sorry that you feel frustrated in not being able to
do more, but since you can't be there to perhaps help with general
housekeeping (dusting, vacuuming, laundry, dishes, cooking, etc.),
unless you know them to be in dire financial straights you can ask if
they need some cash and then send a check... otherwise send nothing.
Sending a sack of groceries like what's donated for a food drive will
be construed as unwelcome charity simply to allay your personal
guilt... that's a cheap shot that's more for you than them... don't do
that.

"Nexis" > wrote in message
...
> Many people have heard me talk of my aunt & uncle that I visit every year
> in Wisconsin, LaVern & Margaret. On our way to my mom's surgery, we got
> word from my cousin Dee that LaVern had fallen ill with pneumonia, and
> because he had emphysema, his lungs had just given up. At 88 yrs old, he
> wasn't a candidate for any possible measures of help. My aunt, who is just
> about the nicest, sweetest, and most loving person I've ever seen, heard
> of, or read about, has to make the decision to turn off his ventilator,
> which is the only thing keeping him alive.
>
> Much as I would love to be able to go out there and be there for her, I
> simply cannot afford to. Still I would like to show my love and support,
> and send her some things that would be helpful to her right now. I don't
> know how to explain it other than I'd like to send things that she's going
> to need, but won't have time to worry about. I don't know what else to do.
>
> Any ideas? They'll all be appreciated.
>
> kimberly

Unfortunately I don't think I have ever seen a "Guide on Pulling the Plug"

I would however suggest you sit down and write a note covering 2 specific
areas. First telling your aunt just how much your visits meant. Secondly how
you understand and support her decision.

Over the next few weeks she is going to have to incur expenses for some
level of memorial service and/or reception which may be a pot-luck
situation. If so maybe you can contact one of your other family members who
can purchase for you some contributing element (anything from Brownies to
cookies to little sandwiches).

Most importantly just maintain a level of visibility with a phone call,
sympathy cards, notes of good memories. This is an area that you can not
fix, all you can really do is be there to support and listen.

Sorry for your loss,

Dimitri

I might send a prepaid long distance phone card and some nice writing
paper or blank notes and a book of stamps.

Tara